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Online privacy and age checks

Posted at 10:11 on 12 Feb 2020 by Pandora / Blake

The ICO have released their new "Age appropriate design", a new statutory code of practice, which aims to keep children safe online in the age of social media. It affects websites likely to be accessed by children in the UK, which will be obliged to account for the "best interests" of the child, and to grant special protection to how childrens' data is used.

Links:

Full code of practice

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Tags: age verification, child safety, ICO, in the news, privacy, young people

42 comments

Rekindling

Posted at 10:28 on 16 Jan 2020 by Pandora / Blake

At 11pm, the baby was finally settled in the cot. I undressed and got into bed. Seeing I was naked rather than in pyjamas, Felix stripped off too. We pressed against each other under the covers. It felt like it had been so long since I'd felt them like this. Their familiar body, from the warm lean tummy nuzzled against mine to the soft fluff on their chest. I'd explored every inch of them time and time again, but lately it seemed like we rarely touched. I breathed them in.

I wanted sex. But... I didn't want it. I felt confused.

I missed my lover. I was dying for some romantic time, just the two of us. I'd recently done childcare while Felix went on a couple of dates with their poly partner, and I yearned to have dates with them too. All our conversations lately had been instrumental. Managing the minutiae of our domestic and family life. We were around each other a lot, but our work from home schedules and taking it in turns to do childcare meant we were more often doing separate things in the same building than truly spending time together. They are the best co-parent. But I missed my lover.

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Tags: Felix, kink, love, punch play, spanking, submission

43 comments

The abuse of the "rough sex" defence

Posted at 13:03 on 5 Dec 2019 by Pandora / Blake

There's been some worrying stories going around about defendants in murder trials trying to get lighter prison sentences by claiming that the murder was just "rough sex gone wrong".

In New Zealand, 21 year old British backpacker Grace Millane was killed while on a Tinder date to celebrate her 22nd birthday. She messaged her friends to say she was having fun, but later that night her date killed her by "pressure to the neck". 

He told jurors it was an accident during consensual kinky sex. But after she was dead, he searched online for ways to dispose of the corpse - and then went straight out on another Tinder date. After Googling for large duffel bags, suitcases and car hire, he later shoved her body in a suitcase and buried it in the forest.

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Tags: BDSM, erotic asphyxiation, in the news, kink acceptance, law, media, violence against women

64 comments

Body love

Posted at 15:00 on 8 Oct 2019 by Pandora / Blake

Pandora Blake post-partum body love

This is me 13 weeks post-partum.

Stretch marks, soft tummy, big boobs, one usually bigger than the other (depending on which one the little one has fed from recently). Strong arms, back and shoulders from carrying my child who is getting bigger by the day.

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Tags: Body positivity, parenthood, photos, post-partum

49 comments

Can has mailing list

Posted at 13:52 on 29 Sep 2019 by Pandora / Blake

Want me to email you more often? I've just set up a mailing list, to make it easier for me to get in touch with you all.

I've been feeling uneasy for a while about my dependence on Twitter to let the world know about my projects. If they pull the rug out from under accounts connected with porn and sex work, I'll lose my biggest broadcast medium in one shot. I decided to take steps to build my resilience. It's high time I hosted my own mailing list. Bonus: you get to hear from me more often!

If you want to be the first to know when I'm back from parental leave and available for spanking sessions again, this is for you.

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Tags: mailing list, sessions

 

Post-partum physicality

Posted at 14:31 on 3 Sep 2019 by Pandora / Blake

My baby arrived in early July, two days early, after a day and a half of labour. They're now eight weeks old, and we're entering the final month of the "fourth trimester". We're both in good health, and words can't express the enormity, joy and transformation of the last two months.

Human babies are born less ready to survive in the world than any other mammals, and their brains are very undeveloped when they're born. If it wasn't for the pesky ratio of pelvis size to head circumference, we'd gestate them until they were ready to move around independently, like calves and puppies can. But as it is, we have this unique experience of a parent/child bond during these first few months where I am, in a very real way, an extension of their body - they physically need me to survive. It's part of the magnitude of the experience that I'm beholden to them 24/7 for sustenance, hydration, ablutions, movement, temperature regulation, and physical closeness. I've been reading various books on parenting and the neuroscience of brain development that emphasise how important cuddles are - and talking, singing, play and other forms of parent/child interaction - for cognitive and social development in early life. Which is good, because I really like cuddles, and snuggling my baby is an indescribably wonderful feeling.

Babywearing - carrying my child around on my front in a sling - has transformed my experience. Being able to hold my baby in a close embrace, rock and soothe them, while freeing up my hands to do other things ({like type this blogpost) is a game changer. I'm currently sitting with my laptop at the kitchen table, bouncing on the yoga ball.

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Tags: body positivity, kink, parenthood, play, post-partum

57 comments

Playing with Faye Summers

Posted at 14:40 on 6 Jul 2019 by Pandora / Blake

It was very strange, packing a bag with toys and BDSM equipment, showering and grooming myself, and preparing to leave the house - for the sake of a session where I was going to be the one paying, rather than the one being paid.

Normally when I'm packing implements to see a client, if I'm going to be receiving, I choose toys that I like. This time, I was explicitly picking the implements I hate. Playing with a trusted friend, I wanted to go deeper than I can when I'm with a client, and explore some of the sensations that make me more afraid. 

In a way, it was relaxing knowing that this appointment was for me. I didn't bother wearing makeup, I threw on comfy clothes, and I didn't have to re-read anyone's emails to refresh my memory about what they wanted. Driving to Faye Summer's apartment just south of the river, my mind was calm. Rather than anticipating the appointment, I enjoyed the sunshine and listened to music, my thoughts clear.

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Tags: anal, BDSM, bondage, breast play, kink, pregnancy, sex in pregnancy, spanking, submission, tawse, wooden paddle

131 comments

The sex worker's sex worker

Posted at 19:22 on 25 Jun 2019 by Pandora / Blake

A few weeks ago I sent a nerve-wracking email.

For a few years now, I've been thinking about hiring a sex worker. I've been inspired by the wonderful women and queer folx who have booked me for sessions: our culture makes it a lot easier for men to honour their sexual needs and seek out ways of getting them met than people of other genders, particularly people who have experienced misogyny and slut-shaming. I really admire it when a woman or non-binary person comes to me, knowing what they want, and with enough self-esteem to think they deserve to get it. It made me wonder if this would be something I might do for myself one day.

The problem, as I saw it, was that as a sex worker myself, all of the suitable candidates I could think of - who I knew I could trust with my body and my fantasies - were friends and colleagues. Some of them friends I hadn't dated, some of them friends I had. Part of the professionalism of sex work, for me, is to maintain distinct boundaries between my clients and my social life, in order to manage everyone's expectations and make sure I'm not giving too much. So it seemed the idea was a non-starter - even though I felt like it might be a really cool experience to be on the other side for once.

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Tags: boundaries, kink, sex work, submission

73 comments

Age verification faces ongoing delay

Posted at 11:30 on 22 Jun 2019 by Pandora / Blake

According to the Guardian, age verification "faces indefinite delay" due to bureaucratic incompetence:

"It is set to be delayed for legal reasons after government officials failed to notify the European commission of key details."

I shouldn't laugh, but this is comedy gold.

The massive privacy failings of this policy should have been a deal-breaker. Legislators should never have tried to regulate the internet by force of law when they don't understand how it works. Thanks to the tireless efforts of campaigners such as myself, Myles Jackman, Jim Killock, Alec Muffett and the rest of Open Rights Group, Backlash UK, Misha Mayfair and others, the threat that age verification represents to the privacy of internet users is well attested, and is now mentioned in any news coverage about the issue.

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Tags: age verification, AgeID, BBFC, DCMS, Digital Economy Act, Dreams of Spanking, in the news, law, legislation, MindGeek, Myles Jackman, Open Rights Group, porn, privacy

58 comments

My most destructive finger slip ever

Posted at 13:59 on 6 Jun 2019 by Pandora / Blake

Since the start of this week I've been on parental leave. Hooray! My baby is due in 4-5 weeks time - which means of course that the birth might happen sooner than that, but it might be later, too. Due "dates" are a bit of a misnomer; it's more of a due month (38-42 weeks gestation).

I decided to give myself the last month of my pregnancy off, and I've been looking forward to this time for ages. Well, I say off. To be truthful, I'd earmarked this time for admin (filing my tax return early so it's out of the way), writing (I made great progress on my book in April, but May was full with other endeavours, so the zeroth draft is still some way from completion), sorting the house out and getting ready for the baby, and resting.

I've also decided to hand over project management for Dreams of Spanking to a trusted friend, so that new updates can go out while I'm caring for my newborn. I have a fair few spanking videos edited and ready to publish, and it will work really well for me to delegate the job of keeping track of what needs doing for each one (in terms of image editing, trailers, writing copy etc) before it can go live. So I've ended up having to do that handover during my "leave", too.

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Tags: Dreams of Spanking, porn production

55 comments

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