Posted at 12:56 on 12 Dec 2006 by Pandora / Blake
I finally got around to watching Pirates of the Caribbean II recently. It's an exceedingly silly film with a run-on, nonsensical plot, a totally arbitrary ending, and characters who were parodies of themselves to the point that you stopped caring about them, but it did have certain things in its favour. Such as girls in naval military drag, and Davy Jones playing the organ with his tentacles (I don't really have much of a tentacle kink, beyond the vague concept of one entity being able to conduct simultaneous bondage and triple penetration, but I do have a thing for pianists. The bit with the organ was cool.) which was immediately followed by guess what? Flogging! Why do you people not tell me these things?
Proper piratical manly flogging, this was, with Orlando Bloom being dragged over to the mast by one big burly bloke on each arm, tied to it, and having his shirt ripped open to expose his back for the whipping. I'm not really a fan of Orlando, but I did enjoy watching him flogged.
I spent the next few weeks developing elaborate fantasies about being on board a battleship. Dressed as a boy, naturally I don't know whether I'm seeking fortune or adventure or seeking after my true love who has gone to sea, but either way, I'm in naval drag. Of course, I get into trouble, and am hauled on deck for punishment a ritual which involves the entire crew gathering round to watch.
Men, you see, are flogged on the back while standing upright, tied to the mast or a grating. Boys, on the other hand, are traditionally caned on the bare behind, bent over a cannon ("kissing the gunner's daughter"). This is convenient for me, because I'm more interested in bare-bottom canings than bare-back floggings, but it's not convenient for my character in the fantasy: if I'm caned with my trousers down, everyone will see that I'm a girl and my cover will be blown.
However, the bo'sun is stern and implacable: I have no choice. When my deception is revealed there's a huge uproar. The captain, shocked and enraged, reaches a rapid decision. There is no honourable way of behaving towards me as one should a lady: as a lady I can't be whipped, but neither should I get away with having played such a low trick on the crew. Since I'm determined to be a boy, therefore, I will be punished like one: first my allotted strokes for the original misdemeanour, followed by a second punishment, this one even longer and harder than the first, for my dishonesty. He offers me a deal. If I take my punishment like the boy I was claiming to me, I will be permitted to stay on board. If I can't, they will confine me until we reach land and put me off at the nearest port.
The motivation to be stoic in the face of prolonged and severe punishment, combined with the public humiliation of the whole crew watching, is the bit of this fantasy that really gets me going. I can't resist a challenge.