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sexual narratives

Posted at 15:56 on 17 Apr 2008 by Pandora / Blake

Tags: dominance and submission, kink, learning curves, meta-analysis

I was staying at D.'s the other night and we had the whole evening ahead of us. We were both in a playful mood, and there was a lot of purring and pouncing as we snuggled in the living room.

"So, what's the plan, boss?" I asked him.

"Well... I don't so much have a plan. Just an idea. I don't know, what did you have in mind?"

I grinned and opted for my favourite policy of Being Totally Unsubtle. "I thought we could maybe have lots of hot sex."

"Radical suggestion! Honestly, I don't know where you young people get these crazy ideas. I'm shocked and appalled."

"What was your idea?" I persisted, nuzzling him.

"Well. I thought since my housemate's away on holiday, we could maybe take advantage of having the place to ourselves ... and I could beat you in all the rooms we haven't christened yet."

I liked that idea. Sadly, a short while later Real Life intervened on our happy fantasy and our play session had to be postponed to another night (I'm seeing him this evening. I'm looking forward to it rather a lot. Can you tell?)

Later that evening, musing on my disappointment, I realised wryly that one (rather sad) factor in my frustration was that the play session had sounded exactly like the kind of thing that would make an interesting blog post. I don't write much about the scenes I play with D., and I feel a faint pang of guilt about not properly representing of the intimacy we share. I don't want it to seem like he and I don't play, like my submission to him isn't very real. The thing is that his tastes fall more within BDSM spectrum than the spanking one, and although I'm happy for this blog to be somewhat explicit on occasion, for various reasons I don't want to start regularly writing about my sex life in detail on this forum.

Which led to an interesting thought: if I kept a sex blog (I've considered it, but honestly, I barely have time to maintain this one) it would be full of stories from my play with D., in the same way that my spanking blog is full of stories from my play with Tom. Not that D. doesn't spank me and Tom and I don't have sex (quite the reverse, I assure you) but in each case that's not the psychological focus of our intimacy.

By which I mean, I think, that the CP play I share with Tom is narratively interesting. There's shape and structure to the emotionality of it. There's a story there. Of course it's not the only part of our sex-life that's true of, but broadly speaking, CP tends to be where he challenges me, where we veer away from what's easy and straightforward.

D. and I work differently. For D., spanking and CP are mostly foreplay. They aren't usually a story in themselves; they're the prologue to another, more explicitly sexual, psychological narrative.

In each of the two relationships the complexity and the ritual arises, for the most part, in different types of play. My sex-life with both partners is broad and rich and interesting, but the pinnacle of that interest - the narrative focus - differs between the two.

I wonder how far you could take this line of reasoning? Could one go so far as to say that this, this place where story arises, is the core of a person's sexuality? Is that what makes a spanko; that spanking is the central theme of their personal erotic narrative? Whereas if spanking is sensual and pleasant, but a different kind of sexual act holds the cathartic key to the story, then that, probably, is where the true kink resides?

As for me ... a week ago I would have guessed that my central theme was CP, but it can't be, if I can play a key role in D.'s narrative so easily. The answer occurred to me as soon as I'd posed the question: my own sexual narrative is one of submission. Submission is the pinnacle of my personal story arc. Spanking, CP, sex; I enjoy all these things, and I know what I like and what I don't, but all these elements are individual aspects of a greater whole.

I don't know how well the above model stands up to other examples. Tell me about your own sexual narratives. What aspects of your play reveal the richest psychological material? Which make the best stories? Is it spanking for most of my readers, or is there a more complex range of interests? Tell all!

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