Posted at 17:53 on 20 Jan 2009 by Pandora / Blake
It turns out my Superwoman Spanking Model Healing Powers are at fighting strength. Once I saw the extent of the damage after the Pain4Fem shoot, I'd anticipated having to take 4-6 weeks off modelling work to recover. It's been less than two weeks and most of the colour has faded already. All that remains is the scabs from the couple of strokes that drew blood, which I sincerely hope aren't going to scar, and some faint brown colour on my cheeks. Not very attractive, but hopefully it'll have gone soon ;)
I managed to get two spankings while I was marked, which was extremely interesting in terms of chronicling the changes in sensitivity and sensation. We waited a few days, until the swelling had gone down a bit, and then D put me over his knee for the lightest of experimental hand-spankings. He's doesn't spank overly hard, preferring the sharp finger-tap to the high-impact smack, which I was particularly glad of this time.
He started even lighter than usual. All the sensations felt different, as if he was spanking me under water. My skin was tingly when he stroked it, but somehow less sensitive to light surface sensation. Lighter smacks were numbed by the bruising, as if the nerve endings weren't working properly. But anything hard enough to be felt at a muscular level provoked an unpleasant, throbbing ache from the deep muscle bruising. I found myself responding enthusiastically to the lighter spanks, wanting him to go harder - and then when he did, it very quickly became too much.
The changes in sensation were confusing - I found myself thinking a bit too much about how and why it felt wrong, rather than relaxing into the spanking. But I was delighted that D was interested in playing with me while I was marked, and there's nothing like feeling loved to make a spanking more enjoyable. And the dark side of my kink was getting off on the image of my poor battered bottom receiving yet more punishment; my awareness of how and why I was bruised served to complement the physical sensations and make them more interesting.
Yesterday, after Tom and I got back from our weekend away, I asked him for a spanking. He kissed me and said he thought that might be fun, and asked me to fetch his hairbrush. I think I must have looked at him as if he'd already struck me with it. It took an enormous effort of will not to complain and tell him defensively that I was already bruised - he surely knew that. I think the look in my eyes as I hesitated was clear as if I'd said something, but I kept my mouth shut and fetched the brush.
He told me to pull my jeans down, and I bent over his knee. He has a very comfortable knee. He started lightly, over my panties, trying out a variety of different types of smack on my bottom and paying particular attention to my sit spot and thighs. It felt good, much closer to the usual sting and tingle than it had a week ago. He avoided the damaged areas higher up on my ass and concentrated on the unmarked skin lower down, which made me squeal. As he slowly warmed me up he started laying on higher impact smacks, and immediately the deep bruising answered with a wince. As he upped the tempo I flailed around more than usual. He kept going just long enough for me to start sincerely begging him to stop.
I felt tearful and frightened - if his hand had been that bad, how could I possibly cope with the brush? But he'd already assessed the extent of the invisible bruising deep in the muscle, and decided of his own accord that wood wouldn't be a good idea right now. I, of course, felt pathetic and guilty about complaining as soon as I realised I was being let off. Not the ideal submissive response - having a Dom is meant to stop me feeling bad about those situations, because the decision and responsibility becomes his.
He told me that when he asked for the brush, he hadn't worked out whether or not he was going to use it - he was going to decide once he'd assessed the damage. I hadn't weaselled my way out of anything; he'd just wanted to have his options to hand.
I believed him, and after a while the guilty feelings succumbed to good sense. (The very hot sex we had after my spanking probably helped.) But a small, bratty corner of my brain think it's a mean trick to play. Threatening a girl with a wicked implement and then not making good on the threat. I'm just not entirely sure whether it's meaner because you'll frighten her for no reason, or because you'll get her hopes up.