Posted at 23:20 on 2 Dec 2009 by Pandora / Blake
One of the first things I did when I got back home, of course, was download all the latest material from Northern Spanking. This has provided me with:
1. Enough delightful porn to cheer me up at the end of a long day - and rekindle my somewhat-neglected kink;
2. Blog material for at least a week - because of course, I have to review it for you and let you know what I think, don't I?
Now, I don't normally write about films before they've been fully released - when something is published in sequential clips, I'd rather wait and see the whole thing before expressing an opinion. But this evening I'm going to have to make an exception. You see, I have just watched the first two parts of reality TV extravaganza Strictly Come Spanking - a production so stimulating that I couldn't help make over-excited notes as I watched.
So, for your delectation and delight, here is my unedited, real-time live-blogged commentary on Strictly Come Spanking - parts 1 and 2:
- Strictly Come Spanking: ONLY NORTHERN COULD DO THIS
- Hilarious intro sequence! Is that Paul Kennedy I see sporting a rather camp quiff?
- Fantastic intro by Amy Hunter. I sense a presenter career in the making! Bit heavy on the artificial smoke...
- OMG THE JUDGES - LOVE IT! Actually crying with laughter!
- Stephen and Leia. I hadn't realised before how tall Stephen is - he dominates Leia even in heels. Very debonair! Love the ballet poses, and the slightly mincing motions as he starts to spank.
- Actually I think all spankings should take place to cheery big band music, judges watching with pursed lips.
- "We've practiced ... ALL WEEK." Hee!
- Love everything about Tess - the hammy faces, the interrupting, the standing in front of Leia ...
- LOVE the score card paddles!
- OMG BELLA RIGATONI'S ACCENT!!!!! The animosity between her and Aileen Philpotts!
- "SERMOULDERING. YOU EENGLEESH ARLOT." Hang on, is she Italian or German? Or French?
- "HAND MET BOTTOM FLESH LIKE BOTTOM MEETING HOT TOAST." Eileen can't actually keep a straight face. Or - hang on - is that a flirtation I'm sensing between her and Bella?
- Okay, Amelia-Jane and Hwyel. Oooh. Figureskating spanking, without skates! Punctuated by breathy gasps and tossed hair. Slightly uncontrolled, but definitely SERMOULDERING. The flamenco music suits well.
- Like me, Amelia has to go slightly onto her knees to be passionately kissed by her Dom. I can attest that this has its advantages.
- Goodness me, a slight wardrobe malfunction! Was that deliberate?
- Hrm, judge catfight. Is Craig Breakfast-Cereal going to end up with one or both of the female judges over his knee?
- Oh, Amelia is entirely delectable. I don't know how she does it. Mmmmmm.
- Haha, love that Eileen is the first judge to applaud!
- "Panting away, like something just off the Serengeti there, aren't we!" I think Amy was born to play Tess. Ahahaha - she agrees with me about the deliberate wardrobe malfunction!
- Amelia hiding her laughter by pretending to cry. Smooth. In the inset she looks entirely innocent, like someone off a BBC period drama.
- Craig to Bella: "What is this that comes out of your MOUTH?" Bella: "ALL I WANTED TO BE WERE HER THROBBING BUTTOCKS. THEY WERE LIKE A COUPLE OF FERRETS IN A LEETLE BAG."
- Aileen: "like an eager schoolboy sucking up his first banana milkshake through a straw." WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. Impressive ability on the part of all three judges to keep a straight face, though.
End of part one! THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVOURITE SPANKING FILM IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AS OF THIS DAY.
- Part 2! Syra Garcia and Paul Kennedy. Ooh, and some rather cheeky jazz. Smiles all round! Nice little bottom wiggle there from Syra. Not sure about the hand-wavy dance moves though.
- Oh, I get it! It's a reference to the golden age of magic shows!
- Or possibly silent films.
- Or ... pinups?
- Aw, missed opportunity there to get the bottom in the spotlight.
- Cute wave from Paul at the end there!
- Tess: "That really ... went, didn't it? Didn't it just ... go, ladies and gentleman?" *snort*
- Aileen: "Like clover honey dripping slowly from a Swedish pine." WHAT.
- I cannot get enough of the way that Tess is compelled to spank herself every time she pronounces "Strictly Come Spanking", however serious the context.
- Ooooh, adverts! The Restrained Elegance one for the Medieval Epic is rather fantastic.
- Irelynn: I have no words. No words. <3
- Michael Stamp in - a HAIR ADVERT! Why does he sound slightly Australian? He suits the white boy fro though...
- Back to the final! How I can stand the suspense??
Parts 3-5 will be released on NSI soon. Lucy McLean informs me that "there's even funnier stuff to come." Can you wait? I know I can't.