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"Regarde, comme elle bouge son cul!"

Posted at 21:22 on 2 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

Sometimes, an image just does it for me, plain and simple. I'm pretty sure that constant exposure to - and analysis of - spanking porn continues to inform and deepen my appreciation of it, but sometimes an image goes straight to my cunt without needing to engage my brain. I love it when that happens.



Perhaps the text being in French allows me to appreciate the full glory of the visuals without getting distracted by the corny lines? Although somehow, even clichéd spanking dialogue sounds classier in French.

Many thanks to Chross for this yummy comic-book whipping scene. If my response to it is anything to go by, je suis aussi une dégenerée. C'est la vie :)

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Tags: other pictures

8 comments

bring your red umbrella

Posted at 23:27 on 4 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

On Tuesday 31 March, sex workers and their allies are speaking out against the Policing and Crime Bill. The protest is organised by x:talk, a sex worker-led project which provides free English classes for migrants in the sex industry.

Sadly, I'm scheduled to be in the office that day, unless I can beg some time off. I'm not sure if the timing is intended to accommodate night workers, or to coincide with another event. But if you're in London and can spare a couple of hours, please, please consider lending your support to this.

Speak Out + Stand Up for Sex Worker Rights
Tuesday 31 March
2pm at the Eros Fountain, Piccadilly Circus
Bring your red umbrellas!

This Bill will further criminalise those of us in the sex industry in the UK, whether we work by CHOICE, CIRCUMSTANCE or COERCION. It criminalises our clients, increases penalties for soliciting and imposes measures for forced rehabilitation. It is based on a lack of evidence about the sex industry, and without taking the views of sex workers and our organisations into account. The Bill will make it less, not more, safe for us to work, whether as strippers, escorts, working girls, maids or models. It is crucial that the current climate of fear, raids, deportation and arrests be met with solidarity and a demand for justice. It is time to make sure our voices are heard.

Sex workers are one of the most silenced and marginalised groups in our culture. As the x:talk website explains, "we are often denied a voice, we are considered only passive victims, we are taught to be ashamed of our work, we are made invisible by discriminatory laws that illegalise our work and us, and we are spoken for and about but rarely are we allowed to speak for ourselves." I am extremely privileged, not only in having the freedom to choose my work without coercion, but in being brought up with the confidence and skills required to write a blog, or dream about producing my own adult content. If I can't make the protest in person (and hopefully I'll be able to arrange something) then the least I can do is lend my voice to those who don't have one. In providing support, advice and English classes to migrant workers, x:talk are doing important, necessary work.

You can add your voice too. Spread the word about the protest, distribute the link to the site. Spend some time reading about the work they do, inform yourself. Bookmark their valuable blog. Raise awareness. Use your voice.

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Tags: other pictures, Politics, Sex worker rights

7 comments

Strict Prison 4 now available!

Posted at 16:36 on 5 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

Strict Prison 4, the full-length film Amy Hunter and I shot with Pain4Fem in Janaury, is now available! (And I've got my own model page on their website! How cool is that?)

I'm amazed at how fast their editing turnaround is. It's seriously impressive when you consider that this was the fifth feature length DVD I've filmed, and is the first one to be released. It's even beaten the Rou film I shot in September 2006! I have to hand it to Pain4Fem - they're nothing if not efficient.

I've already received a emails and comments about the film from a couple of early birds, ranging from the positive to the (justly) critical. I haven't watched it myself yet; I'm still waiting for my copy to arrive in the post. But I have seen the trailer, which I am now permitted to upload for your delectation and delight:



Here's the synopsis from the website:

Two young women in prison have too much time on their hands and start getting dumb thoughts.



They get it into their heads that they should try to find a way to break out. One of them fakes an illness in order to be taken from her cell up to the infirmary. Once there, she manages to obtain a piece of metal and brings it back to her cell mate who then proceeds to try to pick the lock of their cell door.



But in the midst of their break-out attempt, the two girls are caught red-handed. And that naturally brings about terrible consequences. It is decided that both young women will immediately receive a punishment of 35 strokes of the cane on the bare bottom.



But in addition, the girl who stole from the infirmary must receive 15 lashes of the whip on her back.



The sentences are carried out at once, and the severity of the strokes prove their effectiveness.





Neither woman will ever again entertain such dumb ideas.



Anyone who hasn't been following my blog over the last couple of months might be interested to read my posts about the shoot. In purely physical terms, this was the most severe spanking film I've ever done. The experience was affecting and memorable.

It's not everyone's cup of tea. But if it's yours and you decide to buy the film, I hope you like it - and I hope my mumbled dialogue doesn't spoil your enjoyment too much! And feedback is always useful, so if you watch it please do leave a comment and let me know your thoughts.

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Tags: Amy Hunter, DVD releases, Pain4Fem, Photos, Videos

6 comments

porn, activism and lolcats

Posted at 21:00 on 9 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I was interested to read these lecture notes by Ethan Zuckerman, from a talk on digital media, particularly media designed for the propagation of (usually frivolous) user-generated content, and the role it plays in political broadcasting.

"Id offer the hypothesis that any sufficiently advanced read/write technology will get used for two purposes: pornography and activism. Porn is a weak test for the success of participatory media - its like tapping a mike and asking, Is it on? If youre not getting porn in your system, it doesnt work. Activism is a stronger test - if activists are using your tools, its a pretty good indication that your tools are useful and usable."

Porn and activism - I'd like to think that summed up how I use Blogger. But I think I'm missing something. Clearly I should be posting more lolcats.

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Tags: funny, Politics

7 comments

editing Acquiescence

Posted at 00:05 on 10 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I spent Friday and Saturday locked up with the Governor of the world's most infamous women's prison. Well, not actually locked up. In fact it was almost like a holiday, what with the good food, good wine and extremely pleasant company, except for the fact that we were working late every night. But it was fun work - well, it must have been, since we were both choosing to do it in our spare time after a busy working week. Strange people as we are.

We were editing the film I shot with Tom and Stephen Lewis for Michael's forthcoming second site, Control and Reform. It's a D/s-focussed video-on-demand site, releasing full-length films for download, streaming or DVD purchase. I can't wait for it to go live, which will hopefully be soooooon (but is unlikely to be soon enough for my chronic impatience).

Our film is called Acquiescence, and is a re-imagining of psychological interrogation narratives such as Closetland or V for Vendetta, only with less forced head-shaving and anal torture, and more thrashings.



We shot it nearly two years ago, just before Tom and I separated for a few months, so watching the footage held a bittersweet edge for me. I liked it more than I thought I would.

The story I'd had in mind when we were filming was ridiculously over-ambitious, with a layered, non-linear structure. Last time I asked him how the editing was coming, Michael told me bluntly that there was no way he was going to be able to piece it together without my input, so I dutifully hopped on a train and spent a couple of days explaining my bizarre imaginings to the poor bloke.

However, he is a technical genius, and proved more than adept at turning my garbled ideas into something approaching a watchable film. I learned an awful lot about film editing, while remaining well aware that I was barely scratching the surface. I also reassured myself that I am audible on camera most of the time, so that's alright. And I had lots of fun, and hopefully helped more than I hindered.

Michael has been an absolute star, persisting in the face of numerous technological disasters, and I really hope the results are worth it. Maybe we'll end up with a cool, psychologically interesting CP film. And maybe it'll just be a spanking movie with interrogations and blindfolds and handcuffs and me naked and shivering in a cell. Either way, it should be good.



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Tags: Control and Reform, DVD releases, learning curves, Photos, Stephen Lewis, Thomas Cameron

14 comments

from Chaucer to Lord Melbourne

Posted at 10:56 on 11 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

There were many things I loved about the anachronistic medieval romp The Knight's Tale, and the use of stadium rock to create the atmosphere of a jousting tournament was only one of them. For a start, the cast was exceptionally well chosen. Heath Ledger, bless his soul, played an earnest, ambitious blond buffoon- not his most stimulating role - but Laura Fraser (best known as Door in Neverwhere) as a kick-ass blacksmith almost made up for the pointlessness of the female lead. Not to mention Alan Tudyk playing a daft squire who is almost (but not quite) called Wash, and James Purefoy as a sizzling Black Prince. But my favourite character and performance was Paul Bettany as the inspired, poverty-stricken, gambling-addicted, and often naked Geoffery Chaucer.



I've always found writers sexy. Bettany's Chaucer had passion, a crackling intensity and an undeniable way with words. He could play a crowd. (Tom isn't that flamboyant, but the skill and power with which he uses words is one of the things I love most about him.) Chaucer also had an underlying hint of sleaziness and unpredictability, the very slightest impression of being a little bit of a bastard. I doubt Bettany's Chaucer would be a particularly responsible Dom, but he has presence and power, and that's hellishly attractive.



Thanks to Valdor at the Spank Statement, I've just found out that Bettany is playing Lord Melbourne in the new film The Young Victoria. I love costume dramas and films about strong women, so I was already planning to see the film, but I hadn't realised quite how interesting Melbourne was. He was Prime Minister as Victoria came to power, and acted as her mentor. He was also a kinky bastard, with a taste for 'flagellation'. Here's a revealing line Valdor picked out of his autobiography:

"Spanking sessions with aristocratic ladies were harmless, not so the whippings administered to orphan girls taken into his household as objects of charity."

And he's played by the very same smouldering, silver-tongued Bettany.



Oh my.

The film tells the story of Victoria's self-empowerment, but I'll be interested to see what subtext Paul Bettany and Emily Blunt bring to their mentor/protegée relationship. Blunt's young queen is apparently entirely comfortable with her sexuality. And who could possibly resist Lord Melbourne's enormous weapon? I mean come on, look at that goofy grin. And that silly hat. Phwoar.

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Tags: films and TV, funny, other pictures

6 comments

halfway out of the closet

Posted at 21:33 on 12 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

My parents have just come home from a year abroad. A year in which my blog has drawn record numbers of traffic, I've attented public political protests as Pandora, had a guest post published on a UK mainstream blog, and started work on producing my own kinky porn site.

They know I model, and I let them think it's mostly the classic art nude stuff. They'd be disappointed if I let them think I did cheesy glamour stuff, so I've told them I'm a fetish model, and hinted that it's mostly about high heels and corsets. Which is certainly true of some of my work. But it's not all of it.

I'm not a well-known latex fashion model, and never will be, and it's kind of arrogant to pretend I could be. But my parents and I are very close, and I find it difficult to enjoy the intimate conversations we share while omitting this huge portion of my life and career. There's decent money to be made by successful fetish fashion models, which accounts for the proportion of my income I've earned from modelling over the last few years.

The problem is that I'd like to continue speaking out for kink and sex worker rights, and the more visible I get the more I'm in danger of being outed. I'm not as careful with my personal details as some, because I find it difficult to draw the line between being raw and honest in my writing, and fretting about how much info someone needs to put two and two together and get the name my parents would recognise. While my parents weren't living in the UK, I was less worried about this, and it was easier to censor information during our phone and email conversations. Now, they're home, and recent family trauma has brought us closer together. This blog, my new site, my political explorations, have been an increasingly important part of my real life the last few months. When Pandora first appeared on the scene, she was a persona; now the name rings just as true for me as my birth name, and I no longer feel like I've got a split personality. The different facets of my self are fairly well integrated. And I don't want to deny half of me.

But I can't tell my parents what I do. It's not that they'd think it was immoral or unhealthy, although that's a risk. It's that if my mum knew I flew out to new cities or countries where I don't speak the language, to be thrashed by people I'd never met before, she would worry. I couldn't stop her worrying. And it's not fair to do that to her.

Maybe one day, when I have my own fairtrade feminist porn site, maybe then I could tell them. But not yet.

However, I also can't tell them anything that's been going on in my life right now without mentioning the new site, which is occupying a huge amount of my energy and attention, and about which I am ridiculously over-excited. At first I just referred to "writing projects". Which was true: I've done a lot of scriptwriting this year.

Last night, I took it up a notch. I told them I'm opening an adult stories website. That I'm coding it all myself, doing all the branding and business development, as well as the creative stuff. Which is true. It explains why I've been so busy the last few weeks, and why I'm buzzing with positive energy. "Would it be terribly embarrassing to let me read any of them?" asked my mum, whose collection of Black Lace books opened my eyes to my sexuality at the tender age of 10. "Yes," I said bashfully. "They're a bit personal."

Selfishly, I'd rather be totally honest, and I feel bad for lying, but I think this is the best way. I guess if I want to be more honest with them in future, I can build on the white lie and tell them I've branched out into photostories and films. For now, I've stuck my toe out of the closet door. That'll do.

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Tags: learning curves, making a scene, Politics, porn production

7 comments

directing from the bottom

Posted at 23:46 on 16 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

Friday was the first film shoot for my new site.

I'm starting small. The site will be pay-per-download when it first goes live, since I don't have time to commit to a regular update schedule. I don't have a massive budget, so for the time being I'm paying my friends in trade for their time, and borrowing a camera and lights. (Well, light, as it happened; one of the bulbs blew and we decided to press on rather than replace it.)

I've been writing scenes all year. I want to concentrate on stand-alone films of varying lengths. There'll be some photostories as well, but I think I want to do films and photostories separately rather than as versions of each other, if you see what I mean. If I don't have a daily update schedule I can hopefully avoid having to break films down into short clips, or produce any 'filler' material. I'd like to make each film, whether it's a five-minute short or a full-length feature, a complete story in its own right. Some of my ideas are ongoing series, and they all vary in complexity, but I want to strive, even in the short simple clips, for a richness in the characterisation and details.

I'm possibly being horribly over-ambitious, but that's my starting point, anyway.

I've already written far more scenes than I can possibly film this year. Each of them represents a real fantasy of mine. I'm not interested in producing empty action: the idea is that even if the only glimpse you get into a story is the punishment scene, I want it to be contextualised, to be part of a longer narrative. Trying to limit my imagination to scenes I can feasibly film is a challenge, and I was even more limited for this first shoot.

We were filming at a friend's beautiful London flat, with one spankee (me) and one top (Tom). No multi-actor scenes, then, and no period pieces (which, unsurprisingly, a considerable proportion of my ideas are). So, preparing a callsheet for a domestic location, one camera and two actors, well aware that I'd be learning on the job and everything would take longer than I expected, I picked out three short domestic discipline scenes. This isn't just going to be a DD site, but when you're shooting with your boyfriend in a friend's flat it's definitely the easiest type of scene to produce.

Our cameraman for the day was my dear friend J, whom I've already written about as a top and play partner. He's also a photographer and techie, and I was lucky to get him on board. We hadn't worked together on a spanking shoot before, so we started with some stills to get a feel for the lighting, and get used to interacting in this new context.

I wanted some photos for the site design, and had specific ideas about what I wanted. It was slightly odd directing from in front of the camera much like topping from the bottom and I didn't feel very confident, but when we stopped and looked through the photos I thought they'd come out well. I'm getting copies from him tomorrow so I should be able to post a sneak preview.

Then it was the first film, which went without a hitch. We only had a single camera but we put it to good use, getting a variety of shots and cutaways, spurred on by J's confidence and my recent crash course in film editing. The clip came out short and sweet. I was anxious that the spanking itself wasn't long enough to please people, and wondered if Tom should have padded it out a bit, but he was right that the scenario I'd written called for a 'short sharp shock' type of punishment.

Afterwards we sat down and reviewed the footage. It takes up valuable shooting time, but while I'm starting out I want to review as I go so I can correct any mistakes as we go along. This turned out to be the right decision. A mic problem in the first clip had generated irregular low-level noise, enough that we were seriously worried about having to start again from scratch. We couldn't work out what was causing it. It sounded like physical interference perhaps the manual adjustment of the focus, since the mic was mounted on the camera?

So, for the next clip, we set up the mic on a separate tripod. We were going to monitor the sound through headphones, but plugging them in seemed to make the background rumbling worse. J ran a test that seemed to be clear of the noise, and we went ahead.

Technical issues aside, halfway through the punishment for the second scene, I was really struggling. My head was full of storyboarding, camera angles, working out how things looked so far and what we were doing next. I couldn't process the pain when my head was busy directing. After the first twelve strokes I was yelling indignantly and angrily twisting away from Tom. When we cut to move the camera Tom asked if I was okay, and I burst into tears.

He was cross with me for not calling cut and letting him know I was having difficulty he'd had to assume my reactions were in character. Truth be told, I hadn't quite realised they weren't. Of course I should have cut, but it didn't even occur to me. The punishment was minor by my standards. I thought I just needed to push through, to deal with it. I remember thinking, if I just hung in there, then soon the endorphines would kick in and it'd get easier. Maybe they would have, after the next couple of strokes. But I couldn't explain why I was so upset to Tom's satisfaction, and he was frustrated, not knowing if he'd done something wrong.

The main reason, I think is simply that I was tired. The last three weeks I've been working the hardest I think I ever have in my life. Long days, tight deadlines and juggling a ridiculous number of balls. I'm working in two different offices on different days of the week, and I'm not used to commuting. Most of my leisure time is being spent on the site. So I was exhausted and overwrought, and probably closer to my limits emotionally than I'd taken into account.

Directing and subbing at the same time is really, really hard.

The thing is that I've known this for ages. I've asked Tom to direct the next film I'm producing for Roué, because I know I won't want to work on anything out of character on the day. Amelia Jane-Rutherford has written about this before, and we had a long chat about it over lunch last summer. Creative control over a project is all very well, but I can't have creative control over a scene, working out the gritty technical details and taking responsibility for what happens next, and also submit to my top, to the pain, stay in character and not freak out. However much executive control I have off-camera, once we're shooting a scene I have to trust my top to move things at their own pace. I can't micro-manage my own discipline and relax into it at the same time.

I knew all this, but I couldn't see how I could get round it this time. It's my own material for my own site. I have a specific vision, I've done all this work, it's my baby I knew I couldn't let go of that, so it seemed pointless to try. It worked for the first clip, a light-hearted, erotic discipline spanking. But the next two stories were edgier. Most of my fantasies are emotionally difficult. The CP I was writing for myself was emotionally tough.

Looking back, it's easy to see that I didn't really think this through.

I was absolutely determined to carry on, however. Once we'd finished arguing about whether I should have cut or not, I managed to collect myself and we picked up where we'd left off. This time the pain was easier. Once I'd had my outburst and got myself back under control, I found the headspace I needed. And the shots for the second film looked pretty good when we sat down and reviewed them.

Unfortunately the sound issue had persisted throughout, despite our efforts. J eventually managed to fix the problem by adjusting the settings on the mic, a miracle which continues to impress me. He also applied a low-level filter to the footage from the first two clips that removed most of the noise. Genius! I was immensely relieved, but after all that we still had to move furniture and lights for the third clip and work out our shooting angles, and we disagreed about the best position for the punishment, and it was almost dark by the time we started.

The third story of the day was the longest, and the nastiest. Based on a real life event, it involved me being disciplined unjustly by my over-strict guardian. My character strongly believes she's in the right, the mistreated victim of a man abusing his authority. Her reaction to the punishment is righteous anger and acute frustration at her own physical helplessness.

I find the idea of unjust punishments immensely hot, but they're emotionally draining to film. 'Relaxing' into the pain isn't an option. But genuinely suffering on camera won't work either. I have to let part of me resist the pain, fight and rage against it, and carefully channel that resistance into my acting. With the rest of me I need to wholly consent to what's happening, trust that I'm in safe hands, so I can focus my energy on doing good work rather than feeling hard done by.

Yet again, the scene was fine right up until the actual CP. We got the intro and cutaways, and then the opening interaction between my character and her guardian was filmed in a single take the dialogue flowed really well. He continued to scold as he bent me over the arm of a chair and started strapping me over my short skirt, an unspecified number of 'warm up strokes' before the punishment proper. I was shocked by how much they hurt, and suddenly all of me was resisting. When my panties were yanked down I sat up, and said I didn't think that was appropriate for these characters.

I hadn't actually called cut, but the scene had been broken. "Okay," said Tom patiently. "Do you want to keep your underwear on for this scene, then?"

"I don't know," I said.

I felt miserable. I didn't want to make a decision. I didn't want the responsibility. I was frightened of the strapping I was about to get and my head wasn't doing what I wanted it to. I was tired and I couldn't work out if I was just wimping out or if I had a point, and a strict uncle would leave his niece's knickers up. But even if it was more realistic, would keeping my knickers on ruin the scene for all the viewers who wanted to see punishment on the bare? I was reluctant to make the judgement call. I couldn't think straight.

Which, of course, is exactly why I should have left the decision to Tom. It didn't matter either way in the scheme of things; as long as someone made a decision, either way would probably have been fine. If I'd wanted to change my mind because knickers-on was more realistic, I could have done that. But I couldn't make my mind up. I wasn't letting the top pace the scene, but I wasn't taking control of things either.

By the time I'd worked all this out I was in floods of tears. Mostly exhaustion, and the silly recursive upset of thinking I'd ruined the shoot and it had all gone wrong and it was all my fault. Tom suggested we abandon this clip and move on there was an extra scenario on the callsheet in case we had time for a fourth. Stubbornly, I refused. The film I'd interrupted was edgy and interesting and we'd done too much work already for me to want to stop now. If only I could stop crying and get my breath back we could just finish the damn thing and be done with it. If only it was that easy!

Eventually I calmed down enough to make a decision. We'd fix the punishment at twelve hard strokes, shorter and simpler than the scene I'd scripted, and we'd take them slowly, cutting after every four to give me a breather. Tom poured me a glass of cold wine, gave me a cuddle, and installed me on J's lap while he went out for a well-earned cigarette. This was a good thing to do. Tom and I both have tempers on us and things can flare up quickly, but J is very soothing. I curled up with my arms around his neck, and whimpered that I was rubbish and unprofessional, and he held me and told me I was doing fine. Before long I was ready to carry on, and we finished the filming with no further problems. I was close to tears throughout the punishment, through tiredness if nothing else, but it looked good on camera and I wasn't frightened any more. I even ended up extending the punishment to sixteen strokes so I could get the facial reaction shots I wanted.

We abandoned my plan to take some more stills at the end of the day. I'd wanted some shots of the marks for promo materials, but it wasn't important. We put all the furniture back in its place and copied the files to my laptop, and stayed for another glass of wine before heading home. I was so exhausted my legs barely held me up on the tube home. But by the time we went to bed that night, I'd gained enough distance from my 'failure' to feel pleased with what we'd achieved. And when Tom and I were cuddling in the dark, our memories of the day seemed far more erotic than stressful.

I don't know if I can learn to sub and direct simultneously, given time. I don't know if it'll get easier with practice, once I'm used to running shoots and things aren't so new and tense. I don't know if subbing for my own projects will be easier when the site is earning money, when I'm not going out on a limb, taking financial risks and giving my time for free. I don't know if it'll be easier when I've adjusted to my gruelling new work schedule and caught up on my sleep. Maybe it will, eventually.

But in the meantime, I'm making an executive decision. I'll have complete creative control of everything to do with this site, except when the cameras are rolling. I'm working with close friends, and Tom in particular I can trust to be faithful to my vision. He's an experienced director and I know me and my ideas will be safe in his hands. If it's not going the direction I envisioned, I can always cut. But while we're in character, I need to completely put down all the stress and responsibility and perfectionism that lets me be so ambitious the rest of the time. I've written a script, and I need to follow it, and trust my top to follow it. That's why I've hired him, after all.

I don't know if it'll be easier or harder when I'm not working with my real life Dom. I struggle to combine my personal ambition with my submission, even though they aren't contradictory. Perhaps I'm just tripping over that. Or perhaps subbing to Tom on-camera and being in charge off it is the balance that will make this possible. But I don't think I can be in control of the shoot and accept punishment at the same time, especially when the scene is an edgy one, written to push me.

To endure the pain, I need to not be in control; I need to half-believe I have no choice. Give me a choice, and I'll vacillate. I'm not a toppy masochist demanding to be spanked: I'm a sub, and to enjoy pain I need to be enduring it for someone other than myself.

So, future shoots will have a Designated Director, and I will hopefully be able to get into character and enjoy my sub headspace. I hope it works, because I'm totally in love with the site concept and really, really don't want to give up the idea yet.

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Tags: J, learning curves, porn production, shoot writeups, Thomas Cameron

19 comments

spanked on a spring morning

Posted at 12:46 on 19 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I've been sorting through the stills from the shoot last Friday. I am so pleased with them. J was fantastic to work with, and the results are amazing. I'm very lucky to have such talented friends who are willing to get involved with this project.

I'm really looking forward to spending a day focussing on stills, doing a couple of high-quality spanking photosets. I don't have any particular ideas for photostories, so I'm considering just giving executive control of the shoot to Tom and running it as an actual scene, with him in charge and me doing what I'm told, and J recording things as they happen. I think it'd be fun to put myself completely into his hands and see what we come out with.

I'll be releasing the url of the site as soon as I've got enough material to do the design. In the meantime, I'll continue posting previews as I work on the content. Here's a taster from last Friday:



Yeah, you can probably guess what happened next.

I didn't mind, though. You can tell I enjoyed it from this picture J snapped of me grinning at Tom afterwards:



I didn't even notice the slogan on the mug, I'd just picked it because it was the BIGGEST, and I am a caffeine fiend. Even my morning cuppa is trying to get me into trouble.

But yeah. A spanking and a cup of tea. I don't know about you, but I can't think of a better way to wake up on a beautiful sunny morning.

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Tags: funny, J, Photos, porn production

6 comments

a ghost from the past

Posted at 22:47 on 22 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I've spent the weekend back home for Mothering Sunday, which was entirely excellent. I gave my mum a couple of spring seedlings and we stayed up until 3am drinking single malt and setting the world to rights.

'Home' involved familiar countryside, family friends I haven't seen for fifteen years, and my parents' tiny but beautiful new house. There was a party on Saturday night at our old church hall, where I spent much time in Sunday School and as a Brownie Guide. As it happens, I have remembered that church hall many times when thinking about locations for spanking films. It's a bit grotty, but the perfect setting for those bleak, poignant school stories. I spent some time this weekend eyeing up the dusty wooden stage and old piano, mentally writing scenes. I made up an excuse about looking for music rehearsal spaces so I could ask how much it costs to hire. It's easily affordable, but I don't know if I'll use it. It's risky. And kind of sacriligious. But ... you know, that's part of the appeal.

There were lots of people there I hadn't seen since I was 9. One of them came as a bit of a shock. I remembered him vividly as soon as I saw his face, although I hadn't thought about him at all in the last 15 years. They had two sons the same sort of age as me and my brother, and we used to go round to their house on Sundays.

I was a bookish, antisocial child, and used to avoid the boys. They played with trucks in the sandpit while I curled up on the floor by the bookcase, reading until one of the adults came over and forced me to interact with other people. This house had two whole shelves of vintage Beano and Dandy annuals. I got completely hooked. Over the course of a few years I worked my way through the whole collection several times. The Dandy was funnier with better adventures, but the Beano was my guilty pleasure. I devoured the Bash Street Kids even though I didn't really like the characters, all for the looming, sinister presence of Teach's canes hanging on the front wall of the classroom, and the tantalising promise of their all-too-occasional use.

But Dennis the Menace was my absolute favourite. Page after page ended with the same beloved sequence: Dennis caught mid-prank by his enraged dad, tossed over the knee and spanked angrily with a slipper. Sometimes the strip ended there; sometimes there was a further panel, of Dennis sulkily clutching his sore behind, standing up at the dinner table while his mother makes an arch remark.

These panels are imprinted on my memory. I remember most of the stories ending that way, but I'm now unsure how true that is; maybe those strips simply stuck in my mind, and I returned to them again and again. (I haven't been able to find scans of any of the relevant strips while googling. However, the wikipedia page mentions the slipper a telling number of times. Was it really a ubiquitous feature of the strip, or is the wiki editor one of us?)

Sometimes, I would be interrupted while poring over one of these strips, and give a guilty start. I was convinced that the source of my fascination must be obvious, but I continued regardless. On our way there my mum and dad would encourage me to be more sociable this time, and sometimes I would make the effort, but my happiest visits were always the ones spent privately, nose in book.

Then something happened which changed everything.

I was playing upstairs, with the boys. I think I had been caught reading earlier in the afternoon, and told to go and play with the others. I was eight or nine. My mum, who has never spanked me in her life and is strongly opposed to the idea, found us in the bedroom; it was nearly time to go home. My little brother and I were giggling on the bed. She joined in the game. I can't remember what we'd been playing, or what I said or did to trigger it, but she joked that we had been very naughty, like Dennis the Menace, and had to be punished. She pretended to smack us, shielding our bottoms with one hand and clapping with the other.

I think I must have squirmed away, or changed the subject. I remember being taunted, all the way home, by the certainty that I had been rumbled. She had cleverly found a way of showing me what she knew, in front of everyone, and humiliating me in so subtle a way that the others didn't even notice. She had never joked about that before, never mentioned it; I would have remembered every burning syllable.

I never read those comics again. I was too ashamed. My mum knew my secret, and I couldn't indulge my guilty pleasure with her knowing what it was that I skimmed the pages in search of.

All this flashed through my head when I shook hands with our family friend on Saturday. My mum was standing next to him, smiling. And I was thinking, did he know, too? Was I right about my mum knowing, or was it just a joke, a coincidence, a chance morsel for my obsessed, guilty brain to fret over?

We made polite small talk. I made my excuses and slipped away. I'm not ashamed of my kink, these days. But I couldn't bear the idea that my strange, pre-sexual eagerness for Dennis's spankings was obvious to everyone around me. These adults would be much more able to remember the details of my behaviour then. I preferred not to take the chance of reminding them.

--

I still don't know for sure whether my mum knows I'm into spanking, or if that would mean much to her if she did. But that doesn't matter. She is an amazing woman, and I love, respect and admire her more than I can say. We don't need to share this thing to be close. I'm glad I was able to spend this weekend with her, and I hope all the mums reading this feel as loved as she is right now.

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Tags: books, Fantasies, meta-analysis

11 comments

new layout at pandoras-bot.com

Posted at 15:47 on 24 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

My website has been bugging me for some time. I don't think I've updated it since a couple of months after it first went online in July 2006.

In early 2007 I designed a new look for it, but gave up on it when I realised it wasn't very cross-browser compatible. In early 2008 I revisited the unused design and decided it wasn't so bad after all. I spent a bit of time developing it; wrote the XHTML and some new copy, and drew up ambitious plans for the site contents, including lots of free hosted galleries and spanking clips from films I've done. But I never had time to finish, and the site was left unchanged yet again.

I recently discovered that, thanks to this blog, I get rather more hits to my site than I'd thought. Since I'd largely abandoned the website, and focussed my attention exclusively on blog content, I'd sort of assumed that everyone else had forgotten about it as well. Not so. Pandoras-bot.com gets between 200-300 visits a day at the moment, despite making no effort to publicise the site whatsoever. (My blog gets 650 hits a day, which isn't bad in my book.) While this bodes well for being able to direct some traffic to my new movies site when it opens, it's a bit embarrassing to realise that so many people are looking at my ancient website which I haven't updated in over two and a half years.

I promised myself I would make updating my site a priority. I have lots of plans for it, and ideas for a completely new structure and design. It'd take me a few days to complete, but I thought if I pitched in I could possibly do it around my office hours. So, last night, I sat down to play with it.

I was playing with graphics for the homepage, and wondering whether it would be worth putting a holding page online to replace the out-of-date content. At one point I opened the unused design I'd made in 2007 to see what I could salvage from it. It was much closer to finished than I'd remembered. In fact, with a couple of tweaks, it would make a fairly substantial holding page...

I only had a couple of hours to play with this last night, so I'm afraid there's nothing fancy in the way of new content. I haven't even tried to add any galleries; you'll just have to browse this blog if you want to see pictures of me. There's lots more I want to do with the site, and hopefully I'll find time in the next few weeks to do the shiny new design I was intending to work on tonight. But this is definitely an improvement in the meantime.



Pandoras-Bot.com: "not perfect, but better than the 2006 version". Catchy tagline, eh?

I've checked it in IE, Safari and Firefox for screen resolutions of 1024x768 and higher. It's legible on my phone, but I haven't looked at it on my netbook yet. If you find any bugs or broken links, leave a comment and I'll sort them out.

New version with pictures hopefully coming soon, but no promises :)

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Tags: admin, other pictures, Sites and studios

6 comments

saddle sore

Posted at 09:44 on 25 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I cycled everywhere when I was at uni. I had a crappy old second hand bike, and I tore around town like a hooligan with no helmet and no respect for cars. It was brilliant. I always used to boggle at my fellow students who chose to walk everywhere. How on earth did they put up with such a massive waste of time? As an undergraduate I was, of course, even more disorganised and tardy than I am now - and I tried to cram about a year's worth of activity into every term. I couldn't bear the idea of wasting two hours a day walking to and from lectures and the library. So I biked.

When I moved to London, I left my tatty old student bike behind. It was barely rideable by that point, and I figured no-one sensible would want to cycle in London. Since then, I've realised that lots of people cycle in London. It's taken me a while to get round to it, but last week I cycled home for the first time in nearly three years.

I have missed cycling. I knew I'd missed it, but I'd forgotten quite how much I love it. I'm working hard at the moment and am pretty tired most of the time, but cycling the 5 miles to work and back is giving me more energy, not less. When I get home on my bike, I get in the front door buzzing and cheerful. No more the soul-destroying, expensive, over-crowded rush-hour tube for me! I can cut through the park on my way to work in the mornings, enjoying the golden spring sunshine tinting every leaf and surrendering myself to the March wind as it roars over the crest of the hill. So I'm back on a bike, and I couldn't be happier.

The downside of throwing myself so enthusiastically into my new hobby is, of course, that my bum isn't used to it. I may be resilient when it comes to the cane, but saddle bruises are something else entirely. I've been wincing as I sit at my desk every morning this week, and not from having too much fun the night before. The soreness is in that awkward place at the top of the inner thigh, as if I'd been the victim of a particularly focussed caning in the nappy position. And for the last couple of days my entire lower body has ached and ached, as my gluts and thighs slowly adjust to the unaccustomed exercise.

It's not the first time I've experienced bike-related soreness. During my afore-mentioned student cycling years, I started getting the train down to London semi-regularly to see Tom. The first few scenes were mind-blowing, a whole new world of discovery for me. I'd never played this hard before, and never with a mature Dom rather than a teenaged boyfriend. My young bottom was unused to such treatment and it was more or less permanently in a state for the first few months.

That first weekend, I'd cycled to the train station. At Tom's house, caught up in a strange and exciting new world, it never occurred to me that I would have to cycle home again. Not until I got off the train on Sunday evening, unlocked my bike from the bike racks, and swung myself up onto it. Winced. Then laughed aloud at my own foolishness, and dismounted for long enough that I could text Tom and share my silly, woeful plight.

Then I wobbled laboriously home, sucking in my breath at every jolt in the road, and grinning to myself at the reminder of the fun we'd had. After that, I walked or got the bus to the train station.

Last night, I was spanked for the first time since getting bike-happy a week last Monday. I was begging for it, but my butt had been aching all day, and I was unusually sensitive. D. took advantage of my vulnerability to start out with three or four shockingly hard smacks. Unfair! The stinging pain felt good, though. And the feather-light caresses that followed made me gasp.

I fell asleep with my bottom glowing, both from the spanking and the exercise. We didn't play hard enough to leave bruises, but my ass is still adjusting to my new commute, so I'm glad to be spared a thrashing on top of the existing throb. I suspect my luck won't last, though. I daresay I'll experience the joys of cycling on tender cheeks again before too long.

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Tags: kink, learning curves, other pictures

8 comments

two brand new tops

Posted at 17:12 on 26 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I just saw this unexpected line in the headers of my daily Freecycle digest:

OFFERED: 2 brand new tops...

Those would come in handy if I had to trade my two in for being too old and decrepit to keep up with me. If I were the bratty type. Which obviously I'm not. *ahem*

If I was, then you might end up seeing an advert like this in the next digest:

OFFERED: disobedient bottom, well used. Owned for a few years, but still in good working order. Needs some maintenance and regular upkeep, but should serve you well. Not too heavy, but slightly unruly so will probably need a vehicle to collect. Collar and cuffs included. To get rid of asap. Email if interested.

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Tags: corrupting the innocent, funny

9 comments

being a petgirl

Posted at 13:55 on 27 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I'm about to catch a plane to Cologne in Germany, to be a petgirl for the weekend with SM Circus. Being a pet has always held a certain appeal to me - being a ponygirl all the more so - so it should be lots of fun.

I haven't needed to pack much - my thigh-high leather heels, a corset, and a winning smile. Of course this has left me with a niggling feeling that I've forgotten something, but I believe that petgirls are mostly naked, so it should be FINE.

Director Sands suggested I might want to volunteer to be a victim for Simon, the famous bullwhip artist. It's an implement that's intrigued me for years, but I have no experience of it whatsoever. So I said sure, why not?



I may come to regret this.

I'll also be finally meeting Ludwig, which I am particularly glad of since he's generously offering his services as a translator, and I have no German whatsoever. I wonder if they'll try to make me count in it? Perhaps I'll come home well-trained in more sense than one...

In true sadistic form, Ludwig has been tormenting me via email with talk of horrible unnamed devices they're preparing for me:

Director Sands tells me that, in addition to the bullwhip, they have a completely new toy to play with, too. Something a bit more indirect and psychological, but it sure sounds like an interesting concept. It's probably still a secret, though, so I'll leave you wondering for now... :)

As if the bullwhip wasn't enough to make me nervous.

Right. Time to haul me and my kinky boots to the airport. I'll let you know how it goes!

Keep reading »

Tags: SM Circus, Videos

5 comments

new and interesting ways to end up black and blue

Posted at 22:35 on 30 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

Wow. That was quite a weekend.

It started in true comedic form, with me locking my keys into my flat moments after writing my previous entry. I'd packed, I was ready, I was early, and I stepped out with coat and scarf and rucksack and suitcase, and realised I'd left my keys on my desk. Which would have been fine except I needed them to get out of the main gate. D'OH. I ended up scaling the eight-foot wall, pushing the suitcase over ahead of me, and scraping my knees in the process. Classy. But I didn't miss my plane!

My knees were to suffer much, much more over the next two days. By the end of a day's shooting with SM Circus, they were so bruised and puffy I could barely put weight on them, and they were beginning to develop a glorious carpet rash. I've strained the tendons in my ankle from doing cruel and unusual exercise in 4" stiletto heels; I've taken the skin off one elbow while pouncing a computer mouse (the vicious things fight back, I tell you); and my leg muscles are shakier than ever after a rigorous half-hour workout, high-stepping over bars backwards and blindfold in high heels, without a break. (Don't feel too sorry for me, it was supposed to finish much sooner than that, but once I was in the zone it was hard to break out of it.)

I also came home with a stinking hangover and sore neck from thrashing around to Rammstein until 2am at the local student metal night, where they served free bier until midnight. So, yeah. If I ache all over today, I can't blame anyone but myself.

It was entirely worth it, though. In fact I had so much fun that I've agreed to accompany SM Circus to BoundCon in May to take part in their live stage show. I dread to think what state my knees will be in after two consecutive days of being a pet. I also can't wait :)

I should confess that a cute girl may have something to do with this somewhat reckless decision. This weekend I was working with Marlin, the girl in the bullwhip demo clip I posted last week, and we'll also be working together at BoundCon. She is SM Circus' well-trained, red-haired resident petgirl, and it was delightful to share a cage - and a weekend - with her. During the shoot we chatted incessantly, helped each other in and out of our harness, swapped boots, and threw cold rice pudding all over each other just so we could lick it off. One ill-advised evening of drunken headbanging and debauchery later, and we were fast friends. It'll be great to hang out with her again, and the prospect of her company is almost as much lure as the petplay. Mnich had better watch out. *grin*

So, I think I like petplay. The shoot was difficult and interesting and I'll do lots of navel-gazing on this blog once Herr Director has had the chance to send me some preview pics. In the meantime, here is a brief summary of the things I learned:

  • How to count to six in German;

  • I really, really REALLY like bullwhips;

  • I really, really REALLY don't like guns;

  • It's a cliché, but CP genuinely is the most effective rote-learning technique I've ever experienced;

  • Sheepdog commands are strangely comforting;

  • I have a proud, stubborn streak that gets its kicks through defiant obedience;

  • I have a weakness for red-haired sub girls with interesting scars. (On second thoughts, this is entirely old news.)

Last but not least, I finally got to meet Ludwig, who was my room-mate for the weekend, and I really enjoyed getting to know him a bit better. In person he is quiet, gentlemanly, thoughtful, sarcastic as hell, and really interesting company. He is another new friend I will be very glad to see again at BoundCon in six weeks.

Okay, that's enough whinging and gushing for tonight. More detailled analysis to follow. Right now, I'm dragging my sore knees and aching legs to bed.

Keep reading »

Tags: making a scene, pet play, shoot writeups, SM Circus

17 comments

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