Want to read more? Join my Patreon community

defiant obedience

Posted at 11:32 on 1 Apr 2009 by Pandora / Blake

Tags: Fantasies, learning curves, pet play, Photos, shoot writeups, SM Circus

It took me a while to get into the pet headspace. Marlin had injured her knee, so was only going to take part in a minimal number of scenes; I wouldn't be able to follow her example the whole time. I'd never done petplay before, never even seen an SM Circus clip, and I felt completely thrown in at the deep end.

This would have been fine if we'd shot sequentially, but we started halfway through, with a solo scene in which I had to be an aggressive watchdog. It was just me and Director Sands, who doesn't speak much English, and I have no German at all; I had no clue what I was meant to be doing. I had to guess, warring with my own awkwardness, and trying not to feel humiliated when I got it wrong. I tried to stay calm, ask for clarification when I didn't understand, not beat myself up about it. But barking aggressively at a camera is enough to make anyone feel self-conscious, and I really don't have a dog kink. Without clear instructions or reassurance, I couldn't help feeling uncertain and out of my depth.

The next clip was more my style; Marlin and I were catgirls, playing with a computer mouse, and I could follow what she did until I was comfortable enough to start improvising. I found the cat play much easier than the dog play; I just imitated my own cat. So much fun! I ended up gnawing the 'tail' of the computer mouse as I pinned it between my paws. What can I say: my cat has a weakness for cables.

Next the petgirl was taught to do tricks. We started with juggling oranges. I can't juggle, which is of course the point. Herr Sands was impressive as the strict Director, and I felt very small and vulnerable kneeling beside him. I was allowed to start with one, then progressed to two, which was fine but every time I tried to add a third, I dropped it straight away. Each mistake was immediately punished with smacks either on the paws with a riding crop, or on the bottom with a heavy leather glove. The CP was measured in increments; so the first mistake is six strokes, the next twelve, then twenty-four, forty-eight, sixty.



The glove wasn't particularly harsh, but it was humiliating to have the practice interrupted for another walloping every time I dropped a ball, especially when when it's inevitable that you'll drop them dozens of times before you manage your first proper catch. Part of my brain was revelling in how deliciously unfair it was; but my in-character pet self was sullen and resentful. I wanted to learn to do the tricks, I wanted to do well. How could I learn if I kept being interrupted, and if I was never actually shown how to do it, just forced to make the same mistake over and over again? On top of all of this was the deep-seated feeling of gracelessness and self-consciousness I get whenever I try to learn a new physical skill. Part of me still feels like a gangly teenager avoiding sports at school. The tests were designed to be impossible, but even though I knew that I still let them get to me. I felt unfit, I was aware of my own inflexibility and back problems. It's a hot kind of shame, too deep and real to be safely toyed with.

I thought that perhaps the pony training would help. I love the aesthetics and psychology of pony play. I've never played it before, but I've read a lot of ponygirl porn, and it strongly appeals to my proud, well-behaved style of submission. I like the idea of being a noble, well-groomed, well-trained creature; of being shown off as a status symbol. My vanity and dignity had both been stripped away during the dog play and circus training, but putting on the beautiful plumed pony head-dress returned some of my usual confidence.

Three different animals in as many clips; my body language didn't know which way was up. First we had to set up the obstacle course, which involved lifting the wooden blocks between your teeth, carrying them on all fours and dropping them in place. Biting the wood made my teeth hurt, but carrying something in my mouth felt precious and pleasing. We had to balance the bamboo on the wooden stands, also with our mouths you can't see both ends of the bar from such close quarters, so it's tricky and you miss the first few times.

Before the pony training, Director Sands said to me that I should get angry during the scene, and rather than obeying the command to high-step over the bars ("Trab!"), stomp on one of the bars and break it. Then I would get a punishment with the bamboo rather than the leather glove. He suggested that I should do it earlier on in the scene, as sixty with the cane would perhaps be a little too many.



By the time I was in harness, plume in place, being told to Hoch mit den Hufen! and Zu mir! and Und zurck!, learning how to Trab in my rather wobbly 4 spike heels, and how to step over the bars without stumbling, I was completely immersed in the experience. The harness, the heels, the limited vocabulary, the repetitive exercise it all combined to put me so successfully into the headspace that I couldn't conceive of disobeying. I was given ever more difficult commands, and although I felt shaky and graceless, every nerve in my body thrilled at the challenge.

When I was blindfolded, when the commands were coming ever faster, when I was shouted at for not understanding German they had no reason to expect me to understand the injustice of it was exhilirating, and I found a sense of purpose starting to crystallise around it. I became, without thinking about it, determined not to let them trip me up. Sure, it was unfair, and so you might think that angrily refusing to do as I was told would be easy. But having a strop would have been giving in to provocation, rising to the bait. I was too proud for that. It was obvious that they were setting me up for a fall; that was the point of the exercise. Well, I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction. I'm a perfectionist, and a stubborn one at that: I had been set a physical challenge, and I was damn well going to obey every command to the letter, for as long as my body could stand it.

Of course, it was desperately unprofessional of me. I'd been given clear instructions by the producer, and I failed to follow them. By the time the camera ran out of tape the clip was 25 minutes long and I was flushed all over, sweat streaming off me, trickling between my thighs and into my boots. My quads and ankles were shaky from lifting my weight again and again on those ridiculous heels. Director Sands was bewildered had I forgotten what he'd asked me to do? It was difficult to communicate my state of mind through the language barrier. I felt guilty for failing as a model, an actress but defiantly, fiercely proud for completing the test. I didn't know when I should do it, it wasn't the right time, I said, trying to explain. Marlin nodded. She understood how I felt.

When we restocked the cameras and started filming again, my instructions were clear. I had to have a tantrum, and storm through the bars rather than high-stepping over them. We were already at sixty strokes for the next mistake, so they would be with the glove rather than the cane. (I think I may have got a small number with the cane as well, but my memory is a bit blurred.) When the time came, I gazed helplessly at Herr Sands. My mind went blank. For a long moment I wondered if I was going to refuse to do it. And then Pandora took over from the pet, and I shook myself and went through the motions of wilful disobedience. I was punished for it, the scene ended, and then I could get on with the inevitable angst about my unprofessionalism and trying to work out what had gone wrong. But even as the actress belatedly did as she was told, the pet mourned the loss of the pride and security that she had build through her own defiant obedience.

--

The rest of the shoot involved being given to the Circus by my despairing boyfriend Ludwig, trained to sit and beg and fetch, limbo, games with ropes and guns and balloons, and the dreaded bullwhip. But for that, you'll have to wait until my next post.

Comments

[...] a kink advocacy and outreach conference in Cologne. One of the organisers is Direktor Sands of SM Circus fame, and he suggested I travel over for the weekend, shoot on the Friday and attend the conference on [...]

[...] funny how quickly being a petgirl comes back to [...]

How to get from university after expulsion?

We live in a frenzied cadency, upsetting to snare the total: hoe to write an essay [url=http://collegehomeworkhelpsfk.com]homework help answers[/url] best topics to write about for an essay, duty, school in, courses, while not forgetting to allocate things in the interest games and entertainment. But from time to time it happens that grandiose plans can be disrupted away unlooked-for circumstances.

You are studying at a noted University, but it so happened that apt to a solid bunch of absences and the non-starter of the next session, you were expelled. But do not despair. All but any recent disciple can repossess without much difficulty. The delivery system is sham near inseparable completely outstanding fact — the judgement in the service of the deduction. All causes can be divided into two groups. Mull over these groups, as highly as the order of bettering, depending on whether the cause belongs to a specific of the groups.

Subtraction concerning a good percipience or at your own request
Valid reasons are illness, pregnancy, military help, and others that do not depend on us. Also, if you decide, for archetype, to interrupt training, which currently prevents you from edifice a career. So, you dearth to:
how to write a research essay thesis [url=http://collegehomeworkhelpsfk.com]chegg homework help free trial[/url] how to write the university of pennsylvania essay
communicate with an claim to the rector looking for reinstatement to the University;
get up all necessary documents (passport, instruction certificate, conjectural certificate and documents confirming your need to interrupt your studies);
providing all of the in excess of documents to the University.
If you conscious for unchained, you can also be accepted on a budget, branch of knowledge to availability. All this is plenty through despite recovery, but if more than 5 years tease passed since the dismissal, you may smooth have to as one sees it dispose of with the Dean of the faculty.

Removal for a forward reason
Also-ran to operate and, as a come to pass, repudiation from the University apposite to their own laziness and irresponsibility is not encouraged, but you can also recover, although it is a little more difficult and only on a commercial basis. Initially, the approach after rise is the in any case as in the course of a worth reason. Additional conditions for farther studio at the University are already synchronize by him, so you demand to connection the Dean's aid and clarify what else is needed as a remedy for recovery. You whim also extremity to meet with the Dean of your faculty. Deliverance in this case will only be on a paid basis.
how to write a good essay in 30 minutes [url=http://collegehomeworkhelpsfk.com]http://collegehomeworkhelpsfk.com/[/url] how to write a good introduction for a discursive essay
It is extremely thorny to study at a higher educational routine, it requires a grouping of effort, obdurateness and time. Many factors can enjoin you from closing a hearing: complaint, pressure, or homely idleness. And if you were expelled throughout no faux pas of your own, then do not gloominess, because at any time you can recover and continue your studies both in your University and in another, if you momentarily want to mutation your way in the speciality of education.

1e9c1a255f36442aa274ee111a22155c Доброго

Привет
Если у кого то есть проблемы с мужским здоровьем то заходите по ссылке
Дженерики Приобрести с доставкой. Загляните на наш аптеку

Means for improving male strength. Increase in potency and prolongation of sexual intercourse. Come to us.
http://bit.ly/2PER9Fs


1e9c1a255f36442aa274ee111a22155c

The most bourgeois stereotypes approximately higher cultivation

In most developed countries, higher education is a urgent grade on the something like a collapse to a triumphant profession and pecuniary well-being. help writing essay paper [url=https://aparesearchpaperonline.com/]research paper organization[/url] king lear essay help And what is the place with this in Russia? You do not necessary to be interested in the facts of significant surveys to understand that the opinions of young people on this outcome are dialect right different. The point of observe of graduates is influenced, in numerous ways, by stereotypes about higher education. Let off the hook c detonate's try to consider the most prosaic of them:

You don't have to go to University to be wealthy in life story
the help book essay [url=https://aparesearchpaperonline.com/]writing a research paper[/url] creat new jobs help the econmy essay
A nearly the same stereotype appeared in back 90 years. At that metre, diplomas in truth began to like mad be beaten their value. The exclusive qualities of a mortal physically, such as tenacity, plan, and to some range even presumptuousness, came to the fore. At the flash, the case has hardly stabilized. Instinctively, geniuses in any retrieve may not need a diploma, but it is worth remembering that there are only a insufficient geniuses in the world.

help with writing an essay free [url=https://aparesearchpaperonline.com/]research paper organization[/url] help with writing an essay for college
A diploma is a assurance of a victorious career
This stereotype is less routine than the above-mentioned one, but it also takes place. It is quality noting here that exchange for a yourself who has abilities in a item-by-item battlefield, is well trained and strives representing self-improvement, a diploma will absolutely be a serious point of departure in the service of good in coming activities. Anyhow, it is silly to fantasize that for the benefit of a living soul who does not fool a proclivity object of the chosen profession, who does not be struck by certain private qualities, a diploma will transform into a pass to any large company.

Numberless famous people have not received higher lore
Examples of paper money gates and Steve jobs are usually cited to be supportive of this stereotype. Yes, it is valid that these people did not be told higher drilling in their girlhood, but there is song esteemed BUT. Almost all billionaires who did not graduate from University, from at cock crow babyhood were illustrious close to extraordinary outlook abilities and had magnificent prospects in any field. Let's look at the but standard of charge gates. This squire had already built a unpolished computer term

Florida Universities

Every year, about 500 thousand students stick into Florida universities. peace corps essay help [url=http://paperwritingssr.com/]write my paper org[/url] help writing stance essay. They are attracted not only at hand the look to location of the aver, but also by way of the moment to fall ill a prestigious specialty — Florida ranks 1st in the Common States in terms of higher teaching (U.S. Advice & Planet Discharge).
Florida has a acceptable climate for living-here 360 Joyful days a year. This makes it undivided of the States with the fastest growing swarm of immigrants. Those who came on a ply visa or stayed to business after graduating from University in Florida are also on top of the world close to the shortage of dear income tax. In Florida, it is unoppressive to unearth master-work in barely any acreage of activity. In 1965, the Walt Disney area distraction center was built here — the largest and most visited pageant center in the world. And on July 16, 1969, Neil Armstrong made the before flight to the moon from the Kennedy Duration center.
Florida Huge Schools

The glamour of studying at Florida universities creates a gobs c many of contest come up to b become applicants. The assistance of an official agent of the chosen University significantly increases the chances of enrollment. With IQ Consultancy, you can enroll in the following universities:
University of Central Florida

UCF is the second University in the Cooperative States in terms of the digit of students, with 57,000 bachelor's and 7,000 mr big's degrees. The most important areas of study are engineering, physic, intelligence technology, hospitality, and business.
The University is united of the ten most innovative universities in the country. changing the community essay help [url=http://paperwritingssr.com/]write my nursing paper[/url] help me write a personal cultural criticism essay. The aggregate amount of grants in the service of follower startups and into is $ 75,000.
Florida Supranational University

FIU is located in Miami and is one of the culmination 10 paramount universities in the state. The University pays special r‚clame to the delving work of students. It is home to a large-scale Wall of Ascendancy slew power sow and an oceanic underwater laboratory.
Most FIU graduates think masterpiece in the hospitality industry. Their propitious stature mid employers is promoted about thorough training — 1000 hours of exclusively sensible training.

Bhtnou ykhleb

online assignment help - affordable essays good academic writing

Izhwxt ohsbos

write essays for money - http://payxessays.com/ cheap essay online

Hqidit gwqwzw

buy essay service - essay edit buying essay

Dzewhq yonpgm

academia writers - http://payxessays.com/ buy a dissertation

Myctol ibricu

help with essays - http://payxessays.com/ buying essay

Bciaqd datawt

buy an essay paper - http://payxessays.com/ how to write my thesis

Wubzab qadzdi

pay for a research paper - http://payxessays.com/ buy cheap essays online

Lmbvax snftqu

college essay service - http://payxessays.com/ custom research paper writing

Scixrc qsyfah

how to write my thesis - http://payxessays.com/ academic writers online

Пожалуйста, ознакомьтесь с нашими правилами соблюдения конфиденциальности и сообщите нам, если
у вас возникнут какие-либо вопросы.

Add your comment:

Post as:


(or log in to post with your own username)

(optional)

(optional)

Want to read more? Join my Patreon community
Become a Patron!

Browse archive

2009

Find Pandora online

Feminist porn

Spanking porn

Spanking blogs

Sex and Politics blogs

Toplists & directories