Posted at 22:07 on 11 Aug 2009 by Pandora / Blake
Well folks, the mystery is revealed, along with the fact that Fiona was, in fact, responsible for starting the "guessing game" - although not for quite how chaotic it got!
At the time I wrote Over the Knee (yes, me!) I had reasons for keeping my two personae separate. But, as Tony Elka likes to remind me, "The Titanic had compartments too."
So rather than make a boring "Hey guys, guess what?" post, I thought it would be more fun to get my friends in on a little mischief. I asked them to start speculating on who Fiona Locke was and - ideally - claim that they WERE her. I thought it would last about a week, that someone would point out the obvious similarities at once and that would be that.
All of us know what it's like to maintain multiple identities - some more developed than others. I continue to be amazed that Niki/Fiona/Angie maintained the separation between her author persona, her personal correspondence, and her acting persona, even after the actor got a book deal! It took a lot of work, a lot of thought, and a lot of care, but I'm very glad that she's now able to publically take the credit for her combined talents and hard work.
I hope those of you who weren't "in the know" didn't mind us humouring Fiona in her coming-out game. I could understand if some of you feel deceived or suspicious, and it took some effort for me to play along without outright lying or giving the game away. So, now that the secret's out, I hope Fiona won't mind if I tell you the story of how I discovered her identity.
In 2004, I got together with Tom: it was my first D/s relationship, and inevitably intense. I was in my second year at uni, and still very young in some ways. That November he surprised me with a trip to Night of the Cane. It was my first fetish event, and the first time I'd played in public. I was nervous as well, but we dressed up in our best Victoriana (I was rocking the dishevelled-underwear look in corset and petticoats). At that point in our relationship Tom was training me in scene manners and etiquette; I knew how many steps to walk behind him, how to hold the coats and implements he passed to me; I knew not to speak unless given permission, to address him and any other Dom as Sir or Ma'am, to be respectful and deferential. I fetched his drinks, I knelt by his chair. It was comforting to have that structure and discipline, and I needed that comfort: I found the event overwhelming to the point of being upsetting.
I was caned on a gym horse in the main bar, with an audience: that was fine though, because my petticoats were frothed up around my waist and I couldn't see who was looking. I thought I took the strokes well, but the endorphines didn't really help ground me. I felt out of place, not knowing anyone; I couldn't start conversations or get to know people, and Tom mostly seemed content to watch.
As we were sitting watching a schoolroom scene in the main room, Ishmael came over and asked if we wanted to enter the caning competition. We'd talked about this beforehand, and I'd said I wasn't ready; but when Tom found out they were still accepting entrants, he added our names to the list. He thought I'd be okay, having seen how well I'd coped with playing in public. Unfortunately, when I found out, I freaked out. I wasn't ready at all, and I wasn't comfortable with him signing me up without checking, and after I'd expressed this to him I felt wretched and guilty for not being brave enough to live up to his expectations.
So it was a difficult night for me, if an enlightening and exciting one, and I didn't speak to many people. But we saw Fiona and Cameron's entry in the caning competition, and liked it very much - I admired their costumes, stage presence, humour and CP technique. Here's what I wrote in my personal journal a few days later:
The most memorable entry was a couple doing a naval roleplay; he was bearded, tall and authoritative, wearing a trim white Navy uniform, and she was petite and exceptionally cute in a very short purple cheerleader's outfit, and cropped brown hair. They did some acting, she did the sulky sub thing brilliantly (not something I'll ever do, but still fun to watch), pouting and squealing and kicking her heels. The best moment was immediately after the first stroke, when she yelped "fuck!" and the entire room burst into applause (although the drunk wankers next to us started jeering, which made me think If that had been me and people had laughed at ME, I'd have broken there and then).
Afterwards we started chatting to Fiona and Cameron on the British Spanking Forums, and arranged to meet up with them to chat - and possibly play. Unfortunately, for personal reasons, we couldn't take them up on their offer; and kink became less of a feature in our lives for a while after that.
Skip ahead two years, and (with Tom's encouragement) Pandora makes her debut on the spanking scene: I met Niki Flynn at my shoot with Bars and Stripes, and thought she was fabulous (I'd barely heard of her fame at that point, but when I went home and read about what she'd done, I was even more impressed) but didn't recognise her. A few weeks later, Tom and I went back to Night of the Cane, at which I was determined to be less of a wuss.
As you know, Tom and I ended up having quite a lot of fun with Niki and HH that evening. We hadn't chatted before the event, and when I saw HH, I recognised him as Cameron and went over to give him a hug, and do the "OMG, I haven't seen you for two years!" thing. He was standing next to Niki, with her dark hair cut in the shoulder-length bob she'd sported at Bars and Stripes. "But where's Fiona?" I asked him, delighted. When he whispered that Niki was Fiona, I was even more taken aback - how had I not recognised her at the shoot?
But there it was. She is a lady of many talents, and being unrecognisable is apparently one of them. I'm glad to know her, to have shared some really intense scenes with her and HH, and to have read all of her books!