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I'm not here right now ...

Posted at 20:29 on 3 Sep 2009 by Pandora / Blake

... Please leave a message after the *beep*.


(photo by Crusier)

Sorry for the unexplained silence. I'm still alive, just trying not to wear myself into the ground doing too many things at once, for what might just be the first time in my life. I still haven't had that holiday, but between work and various vanilla commitments I'm doing more than enough at the moment for someone who's meant to be resting and recovering! Neither me nor the boys are feeling particularly kinky right now, and that's fine: everyone has fallow periods, and while Pandora is keeping uncharacteristically quiet, some of my other selves are getting some much-needed care and attention.

Feel free to leave a message, but please don't be offended or worried if I don't answer quickly. Caroline, Abel, Ludwig and Kaelah, Cameron: I have got your emails, but I'm afraid I just haven't had the time or headspace to sit down and answer any mail from this account. I'm really sorry if the delay is inconvenient, but hopefully you understand the need to sometimes take a step back for a while. If you can't wait, I will sometimes reply to Twitters, and my phone number is the same as ever.

I'll be back soon, hopefully refreshed and full of enthusiasm for all things spanking, ready to spend the autumn filming material for my embryonic pay-per-view site. Miss you all.


*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

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Tags: admin, Photos

7 comments

unexpected conversations

Posted at 19:02 on 8 Sep 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I went away this weekend with some vanilla friends-of-friends. I had a great time, not least because it was the first mini-break I've had this summer where I wasn't running or organising anything! I also found myself in the middle of a couple of interesting conversations that I really hadn't expected:

1. I found myself trying to explain That Thing We Do to a very sweet, rather drunk vanilla woman. (I can't remember why - I think I answered the ubiquitous "so what do you do?" question honestly, more fool me. I'll admit I was somewhat the worse for wear myself.) Anyway, I didn't do a very good job of explaining; I would try to introduce to concept of power exchange, dominance and submission, and how it relates to trust and intimacy, and she would furrow her brow and ask "So ... the sadist is the one that likes inflicting pain, yeah?"

I gave up before too long, but shortly afterwards a smiling, wrinkly fellow with long blue-white hair came and sat next to me, saying "I couldn't help overhearing your conversation..." Turns out he's a regular at Subversion and several of the other London fetish clubs, knows all sorts of people I know, and we ended up having a lovely long chat. I recommended a few spanking sites to him, particularly Northern Spanking, which sounded like it would suit his tastes down to the ground. Not only did I make a new friend, but rather than feeling alienated by the unsuccessful attempt to explain kink to a vanilla, I ended the evening all heart-warmed by the fact that fellow perverts can turn up in the most unexpected contexts.

2. The next night, I was sitting and chatting with a group of new friends. The topic of sex work came up, and one of the boys said it was something he'd been thinking about for some time; and that recently he'd started considering it more seriously. I paused for a little while before deciding, oh, what the hell.

"Well," I said, "I'm a professional spanking model, so if you're serious I could probably talk to you a bit about it." He was astonished, then delighted, and we ended up having a really good chat about the potential consequences of sex-work. We traded stories about people we knew, the ones who were happy with what they did and the ones who ended up regretting it. I told him about my friend at university who worked as an escort in London to support her mum, and who made loads of money, but found it killed her sex-drive completely.

"On the other hand," I said, "I was worried when I started making films that it would make me less interested in spanking. You know, because no matter how much you love what you do you still have to be professional about it, keep a booking when you're not necessarily in the mood, or with people you wouldn't otherwise play with. But I've found that doing it professionally has actually made me kinkier. It's like, the more I exercise that part of my brain, the more active it is. Like you know when you're really horny and the more sex you have, the more you want?"

He was nodding, and afterwards he gave me a big hug and said it had been amazing to meet me, and thankyou for the chat. I'll be really interested to hear what he decides.

What I didn't quite manage to articulate at the time, but said to my kinky friend J later, was this: the key, I think, is only doing work you want to do. Don't do shoots that don't interest you. Don't do scenarios that turn you off, don't work for people that make you feel uncomfortable. If you only do shoots that you find exciting, that you look forward to, that you like seeing the results of - then it creates a positive feedback loop, and the more you do, the more you want to do. But if you force yourself to do jobs that aren't fun at all (say, because you need the money), then it can turn into a negative feedback loop and put you off playing privately. From the people I've spoken to, I suspect this applies to mainstream porn, private spanking sessions or escort work as well as spanking shoots, but I could be wrong; I can only speak from my own experience.

The basic rule I've always been told is that you should only do it as long as you enjoy it; and as soon as you stop enjoying it, you should take a break, or focus on something else for a while. I'd go further than that, and say that if you can only do work you actively enjoy, it will increase your enjoyment rather than damage it.

Of course, unless you're producing your own material, it's not easy to follow this rule and make a living off sex work. Which is one of the reasons I'm working on my own site! I don't know if the rule applies to production, direction, editing and website maintenance as well as the spanking itself, although those are all things I've already done professionally for other people. I guess the only way to find out is to try :)

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Tags: corrupting the innocent, making a scene, meta-analysis

4 comments

for sale / sold

Posted at 20:14 on 14 Sep 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I was cycling home from work last week, when I caught sight of something out of the corner of my eye. It was so intriguing I had to pull over and walk my bike back along the pavement to get a closer look.



Yes, that is an antique gym horse, displayed outside an antique furnishings and shopfittings shop. Yes, those are iron D-rings attached to the feet. No, there isn't really anything else that could be for.

No price on it. It wouldn't fit in my flat. But there might be room for it at Tom's place ... would he mind me showing up with a random piece of spanking furniture? How would I even get it there without a car? If it turned out to be affordable, I should text him and ask ...

I surreptitiously sneaked a photo, then ducked into the shop to ask how much it was.

"Sold a few days ago," replied the creased, lean man behind the desk. "Still waiting for 'em to collect it, mind."

"How much did it go for?" I asked. Then felt the need to justify my interest. "I'm looking for one for a prop in a film..." (This excuse has the benefit of being at least partly true.)

"Hundred and fifty." Ah. Slightly beyond my immediate budget. (Maybe I could save up, though... Hey, maybe I could justify it as a professional expense. It might even be tax-deductible.) He continued, "Funny how popular they are. We had another one in a few weeks ago, that was snapped right up. In fact we've got a bigger one downstairs, one of the ones that stacks up. You can go down if you want a look."

"No thanks," I said, determined not to be tempted by too-big, too-expensive toys. "I might keep an eye, though, see if you get any more through..."

Apparently North London is full of keen-eyed spankos. I mean, who else would buy something like that? Really?

I went on my way, regretting that I hadn't come by a week ago, and that I hadn't had the nerve to test its size in the street. It looked like it might have been just the right height.

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Tags: corrupting the innocent, other pictures, those crazy kinksters

5 comments

rekindling: fantasy

Posted at 17:58 on 15 Sep 2009 by Pandora / Blake

After a fallow period, it's always the sensual side of my kink to reawaken first.

I was looking at the calendar to work out the last time I'd been spanked, and counted five weeks that I was sure of. No time at all to some. When I was in a long-distance relationship, that was nothing. But these days I'm in the lucky position of having two partners close by, and it's rarely a week goes by without some sort of kinky encounter with one of them.

My own exhaustion didn't need any explanation: my sex drive was barely there, and kink just seemed far too much like effort. Give me cuddles, quiet conversation, reading companionably next to each other in bed. I stopped pushing myself to update this blog or read others, and kinky subject matter promptly dropped off my radar.

The first fantasies I noticed returning, late at night, alone under my duvet, were gently erotic. Hands spreading my bottom cheeks, smacks on my inner cheeks, on my thighs. An ache in my cunt as I thought about those hands smacking the most secret part of my bottom, tiny, stinging, humiliating spanks. Stiff fingers tapping at my shy, flinching arsehole. I imagined wriggling and blushing, desperately wanting more pressure there; the hot, blunt-smooth nudge of a cock...

No cruel uncles, brutal institutions, unfair punishments. The imaginative mainstays of my kink had retreated into some dark corner of my brain, and had to be lured out, tantalised with more consensual scenarios. I imagined being tied up by an obedient plaything who knew exactly what I wanted, her playful expression as she shackled my knees to the hooks on the headboard, spreading my legs and exposing my sex to her attentions. She'd tie my wrists above my head, put her fingers in my mouth and smile at the fire in my eyes. I'd call her names, whisper insults with more heat in my voice than venom. She'd know what I liked, she'd work hard to please me. Clamps on my nipples, small hands stroking my breasts, my belly and thighs, slipping beneath me and brushing against my arsehole. Perhaps she'd take the time to crop my inner thighs, kissing the welts with soft lips as she moved her mouth towards my moist and swelling cunt.

When I haven't played for a while, the first fantasies to return are the ones about my pleasure. My body. My desire.

It is a mark of how blessed I am in my beloveds that both of them know this. The first times we played after that fallow period, both of them demonstrated a remarkable ability to give me exactly what I wanted. But I have to run now, so I'll write more about that later.

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Tags: dominance and submission, Fantasies, kink, meta-analysis

8 comments

spanking porn and erotic D/s

Posted at 15:57 on 16 Sep 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I'd hoped to write today about the erotic scene I played with Tom at the weekend, but work is mental at the moment, so I won't get the chance today. Partly this is because, after the ease with which I wrote yesterday's post, I woke up this morning feeling unaccountably uneasy about its explicitness. As Adele pointed out on Twitter - this is my blog, and as the "not silenced" of my title suggests, I shouldn't censor myself. But detailled writing about sex is rare for me, and when I attempt it, it leaves me strangely vulnerable. Not that sex is more intimate than spanking, but sex-writing isn't my idiom, and attempting it involves stepping somewhat out of my comfort zone.

I guess I'm also partly worried I'm stepping out of yours. And I'm not sure, if I am, whether I care. Eroticism is very much part of my kink, and explicit sexual content is deliberately included in the spanking material I'm producing for myself. Some scenes need to be asexual to work - anything institutional and non-abusive - but I think there's a place in spanking porn for sexual scenes as well, and not just the leery uncle or giggly girl-on-girl kind. I want to see hard, violent, D/s sex between real lovers, and given my own sex life frequently combines that with hot CP, I don't see why they should be separated by default in porn.

Anyway, I didn't come on here to go on about sex in spanking porn. I wanted to repost this delicious F/f photo which Chross linked last week, from free spanking photos:



I'm still trying to work out how to combine my queerness with my kink in a way that works for me, and when I stumble across a lesbian D/s photo that presses all my buttons, I devour it. I love the cool poise of the top, her tiny half-smile. I love the emotion in the sub's posture, her twisting back, the hand resting calmly on the back of her neck. I can definitely imagine myself over this lady's knee. And not only is that a hot, hot thought, it renews my hope that one day, I will find a way of submitting to women that feels right.

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Tags: dominance and submission, F-F, meta-analysis, other pictures

6 comments

The Garden Party

Posted at 18:34 on 19 Sep 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I adore this photo of Ludwig from his and Adele's recent Lupus film, The Garden Party:



Yum. Spanking porn should definitely have more young, dark, handsome tops in military uniform.

Ludwig has just finished his detailled, fascinating write-up of topping for Lupus. The story was started earlier this week, in his previous posts The Company of Wolves and A Dragoon's Life. It's particularly interesting to read about Lupus from the perspective of a top - and while Ludwig is honest about his sadism, he's also clearly respectful, considerate and thoughtful, which makes for a compelling perspective.

--

Speaking of outdoor spanking films starring Adele and dark handsome tops, tomorrow morning is the last leg of filming for our Roué film Lost Causes. Nothing so entertaining as the main shoot, sadly: this involves getting up at 6am to film some location shots, and it's just me, so I won't have my fellow cast-members for company. The film is edited and in post-production, waiting for these shots to be dropped in; Tom and I watched a copy of the edit a couple of weeks ago and are really happy with it so far. I'm not looking forward to the early start, but it'll feel great to finally get the last of the footage wrapped.

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Tags: Adele Haze, Ludwig, Lupus Spanking, other pictures, Roue, Thomas Cameron

8 comments

spanking art and feedback loops

Posted at 17:21 on 22 Sep 2009 by Pandora / Blake

Last week, Abby Williams used a delightful drawing to illustrate her Talk Like A Pirate Day-themed flash fiction.

My appreciation for spanking art is almost entirely inherited from Tom. He's one of those old-fashioned chaps who prefer drawings to photos when it comes to porn. Webcomics and graphic novels are even better (it was Tom who introduced me to Oglaf, which I spent half of Sunday reading from the beginning. No spanking, but a must for anyone who likes high fantasy, black humour, and cock). Now, I'm a 21st century girl when it comes to media, and I prefer my porn in the form of well-written literature, fanfiction, or glossy photos and videos. Artwork can be hot (I recently enjoyed this piece by Endart), but women's bodies are too often drawn idealised-skinny, which bugs me. And spanking art does tend to remind me that I never do any, and I should - and creative guilt can sour the kick of even the best erotica.

However, after knowing him for 6 years I have a reasonably good sense of Tom's taste, and when I see a spanking drawing which would press his buttons, it tends to press mine, too. You see, if he looks at it and is turned on, it's probably because he's thinking of me - and knowing he's thinking about doing wicked things to me is incredibly hot. So that generates a feedback loop: I see something I think he'll like; it reminds me of him; I imagine me and him in place of the couple in the drawing, and that turns me on, so I send it to him.

So I texted him the Pirate Bride image that Abby used, and started exploring the artist's website, Patty's Spanking Gallery. There are some lovely pieces here. Lots of romantic D/s, curvy women and gentle, firm, bearded men. Look:



Tom liked them, too. Now I just hope we'll get the chance to act on our mutual fantasy before too long :)

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Tags: Body positivity, dominance and submission, otk spanking, Spanking art

1 comment

Celebrating bisexuality

Posted at 17:37 on 23 Sep 2009 by Pandora / Blake

Today is International Celebrate Bisexuality Day! Ideally, I would celebrate my bisexuality by having kinky sex with a small selection of my favourite bisexual boys, girls and people inbetween, but I'm going out drinking with a big selection of them instead. Which is almost as good.

I first identified as bisexual when I was thirteen, nearly half my life ago. For the two years before that I was very confused: I knew I was utterly smitten with my female best friend, but I also knew, in a naive pubescent way, that there was no reason I might not choose a man as my life partner some day if I met the right guy. Then I discovered the concept of bisexuality (possibly on the Internet, but probably in one of the erotic books for women that my mum failed to successfully hide from me) and everything made much more sense.

When my relationship with my best friend developed into a sexual one, I became swept up in the full flush of first love. Clearly, my love and I were fated to be together forever. Clearly, therefore, I must be gay. I believed this until I entered the sixth form, at which point all the mean, spotty boys I knew started growing into tall, handsome young men. I realised I'd been bisexual all along, I just hadn't ever fancied teenage boys. Which is, you know, fair enough.

Peter from Bi Social News has written an excellent article asking: what is it that bisexuals have to celebrate? He answers his own question:

Bisexuality is an invitation to complexity. There is no coloring in between the lines with bisexuality because there are no lines to color in between. The world is open to us. What matters here then is defining an ethical code of our own. In other words, an invitation to complexity is an imperative to critical thinking and making reasoned choices. ... Bisexuality exists as both potential and realization always, especially if you are monogamous.

Being bisexual is emotionally intense and intellectually demanding, because it requires constant engagement and evaluation as part of the package. When we bisexuals live up to the challenge, we show healthy models for human relations and thats what we should be aiming for.

I am proud to be bisexual. It opens up limitless possibilities and models for relationships, sex, love. I am blessed to be able to enjoy the romantic and erotic company of men, women, and those inbetween. Because my interest is not limited to the cisgendered, I prefer the word queer to describe my own sexuality: I do not consider gender to be a binary, and I am not only attracted to those at the extreme ends of the spectrum. But for today, I'm happy to identify as bisexual, and celebrate that fact.

Today is necessary, not just as a love-fest for those of us similarly inclined, but to challenge the many problems our culture has with bisexual invisibility and prejudice. The LGBT movement has gained increasing force in the last few decades, but too often bisexuals are excluded from the language of LGBT rights, or shunned by individuals trying to reinforce their black-and-white view of the world. While the entertainment industry has started to admit the existence of real gay men and women, bisexual characters are almost never recognised in films and TV. Bisexuality is rarely mentioned in politics or public conversations about LGBT rights. Our culture has very few models for healthy bisexuality, and (perhaps as a result) stereotypes and prejudice abound. We are accused of indecision ('staying on the fence'; 'not making up your mind'), greed ('wanting our cake and eating it'), disloyalty, betrayal and lack of solidarity. We are told we lack self-awareness and emotional maturity ('you'll grow out of it'; 'you're just going through a phase'). Too often, our identity is denied and erased from public perception.

I'm preaching to the choir here: the kink scene is unusually aware and accepting of the range of human sexuality, and I'm sure you all already know this stuff. So I'll get off the soapbox, and finish up my mini-celebration of being queer with some bisexual spanking photos.





This is Leia-Ann Woods, Honey Hardy, Jadie Reece and Stephen Lewis all looking gorgeous in Northern Spanking's recent high-definition film Girls' Night In, beautifully photographed by Billy. The ladies are having fun enjoying each other when Leia's hubby walks in, catching them in the act of admiring and appreciating one another's bottoms. Well, what do you expect the man to do? Spank them, of course!





Happy International Celebrate Bisexuality Day, everyone. To all my fellow queers, I hope you have heaps of fun celebrating your sexuality in whatever way you prefer. Here's to embracing the power of 'and'. :)

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Tags: Leia-Ann Woods, making a scene, Northern Spanking, other pictures, otk spanking, Politics, Queer politics, rant, Stephen Lewis

5 comments

bodies and politics

Posted at 14:24 on 25 Sep 2009 by Pandora / Blake

My friend who has spent several years working with urban sex workers pointed me at a couple of heated discussions about sex work lately. Of course, conversations about sex work are often heated, mostly because not enough of the people participating in public debate seem to understand that it's just as unhelpful to generalise about all sex workers as it is to generalise about all women, or all people of colour, or any group defined by the mainstream as Not One Of Us.

However, once you get past Julie Bindel's predictably ignorant hostility, this debate on legislating prostitution contains some surprisingly balanced views. (Oooh, words cannot express how much it infuriates me that Ms Bindel is so often wheeled out to represent "the feminist perspective". Not all feminists think all sex workers are necessarily victims! I'm a feminist, I work in the sex industry, I'm not a victim, and Julie Bindel doesn't represent ME.)

There are some excellent, moderate, well-reasoned arguments in that thread, from a variety of perspectives, including some realistic analysis from a politician and a police inspector, all of whom advocate a balanced approach aimed at helping women who want to leave prostitution, and not persecuting those who don't. I'm not surprised to hear this from a sex worker, but it's affirming to hear it from the HM Inspector of Constabulary for Scotland:

Having led the Operation Pentameter investigation into sex trafficking in Scotland, I know that there is a serious problem around enforced prostitution. But you cant assume that everyone in the industry is there because of coercion, and moralising the argument by saying that no-one working in the industry could be doing so of their own free will detracts from efforts to protect the vulnerable.

Sadly, all this common sense doesn't seem to have got through to Julie Bindel, who continued to make outrageously blanket statements about the victimhood of all sex workers in today's Guardian, in response to Pamela Stephenson Connolly's Agony Aunt letter to a reader "hooked on prostitutes". I found Connolly's initial advice far more sensible than her justification after the fact, which contained several flawed assumptions, but Julie Bindel's closing remarks are so ignorant the stupidity sort of cancels out:

"Next time you're with a sex worker, ask her for some pointers," concludes Stephenson Connolly. Does she really think women having to service punters for a living concern themselves with teaching men how to give pleasure to women? They want to get it over with as quickly as possible and learn how to fake enjoyment rather than actually achieving it. Prostitution is a nasty business.

Why of course Julie, I forgot that you are both omnipotent and telepathic, and capable of speaking on behalf of all women without actually consulting them. Need I mention that, on the contrary, the sex and spanking professionals I know who offer private services consider listening, counselling and offering comfort and support just as much their job as the physical aspects? Most of the sex workers I know would be not only willing, but more than able to offer a client good advice about sex or relationships - especially if that client was a regular.

Yes, I know this isn't true of everyone who sells sex. Guess what? Sex workers aren't a monolithic group of identically hapless victims, and calling them so is just as dangerous and offensive as calling all women sluts or bitches. Sadly, this basic fact seems to have escaped Ms Bindel.

--



The fashion industry finally seems to be catching up with the European spanking scene in its acceptance of a variety of body shapes: size 12 and 14 women recently appeared alongside their thinner counterparts on catwalks during London Fashion Week. Of course, such an outrageous decision was never going to happen without drama, but let's face it: the industry is probably better off without the stylist who flounced out in protest. The show only included three "normal-sized" and even they only went up to size 14 (I think 16 is the average dress size in the UK?) but it's another baby step, to match the success of Beth Ditto's fashion brand, and plus-size model Crystal Renn's "new vogue for women 'lush and sparkly with nary a jutting collarbone in sight'."

Designer Mask Fast showcased sexy minidresses on the models, proving his designs don't just look good on size 0 figures. Fashion, advertising and entertainment still have a long way to go in embracing body-positivity, but it's good to see it gaining momentum.

--

On the topic of fantasy bodies vs. real ones, Natty has written another excellent post about being kinky with a chronic illness, called When Play Is Work. I've already written a lengthy comment in reply, so I won't say much more here. This topic is extra-relevant to me today: my hopes of getting a chance to play with Tom this weekend have just been scuppered by his work again. I'm more worried about him than disappointed: I know if I'm patient we'll find time eventually, and I'm lucky to live so close that we can spend time snuggling and looking after each other instead. But at times like this the contrast between the films I make and real life couldn't be more obvious.

Natty's post is valuable because it highlights the way that even when reality doesn't mirror fantasy, it can still be beautiful, rewarding and memorable. For Tom, like Natty, play is often hard work - and that's one of the reasons it's so intense and rewarding when we do manage it. And when it's just as often me who's too tired to play, it's good to be reminded that play doesn't have to be easy, or perfect, or live up to fantasised expectations. Flexibility, empathy and understanding will go a long way.

But sometimes, working hard just isn't the answer. Pushing myself too hard is often the reason I'm too exhausted to enjoy play, and exerting myself further may not help in that situation. And I certainly wouldn't ever expect Tom to work harder than he does to try and provide what I need - I'm more likely to want to reassure him that it's okay if he can't. It's down to the individual to assess how far they can push their body, and when it's time to chill out and give yourself a break. I can't make that decision for Tom any more than I'd want to make it for Natty.

I am blessed in my relationships in so many ways, and I try to be aware of how lucky I am. But even spanking models have to deal with reality undermining fantasy at times, and none of us are on top form all the time.

In producing my own spanking porn, I already intend to emphasise the agency, desire and personality of my submissive models (male and female), respect their boundaries, and celebrate a variety of body types. But I'm still trying to work out how to make spanking films that deal positively with disability and illness. Domestic discipline scenes dealing with real people's limits with humour and sensitivity are a possibility. And if I work with disabled models I can ask them if they'd like to appear on film with any visible supports they may have, such as crutches or a wheelchair - but not all disabilities are visible.

Fantasy is usually idealised, but I want to try and be as inclusive as possible: I want to make porn people can recognise themselves in. I know too many kinky people with chronic health problems to be comfortable erasing their experience for the sake of a whitewashed, glamorous, unrealistic fantasy world. There must be ways of telling hot stories about real people, making the reality of having a non-perfect body crucial to a kinky narrative in the way that Jacqueline Applebee does in stories such as What I Do For My Pain. I'm still trying to work out the best way to approach this (and I imagine it'll be an ongoing process), so I'd love to hear any input, stories or ideas you may have.

Keep reading »

Tags: Body positivity, Gender politics, health and disability, learning curves, Politics, rant, Sex worker rights

7 comments

capsaicin

Posted at 15:52 on 29 Sep 2009 by Pandora / Blake

This year the chilli plants in my garden seem to be thriving. I have more hot peppers than I know what to do with. I use them in my cooking whenever I can (I love spicy food) but even then, my plants were getting bowed down with unpicked chillies, and I was worried that they'd shrivel up and lose their freshness. So I decided to have a go at making chilli oil.

Life has been a bit of a rollercoaster lately, and between one thing and another I've not had much free time at home. At the weekend, I ended up with a window of free time waiting for my friend to pick me up in the car. After watering my plants I picked the ripest tomatoes, and then decided I had time to harvest my jalapeno peppers and turn them into chilli oil.

The biggest job was chopping and deseeding them. I kept some seeds to add heat to the oil, but removed the pith at the centre of each pepper and separated about half the seeds for storing and planting next year. I'd sterilised my jars and was just getting ready to heat the oil when my friend phoned to tell me he'd be there in a sec. "Do you want to come in for a cup of tea while I finish what I'm doing?" I asked. No, sorry - he had to dash.

So I hastily threw the overnight things I needed in my bag, put the chopped chillies and seeds in separate sandwich bags in the fridge, sealed the sterilised jars and ran out of the door. I'd just have to finish making the oil when I got home the next day. I was in such a hurry that I left my computer switched on.

It wasn't until I was in the car that I discovered my folly: I had forgotten to wash my hands. As we crawled through London traffic I realised my fingertips were covered in capsaicin. Ten minutes into a half-hour drive my hands were starting to feel extremely interesting. I tried wiping them on my jeans, but that didn't help. Then I tried licking my fingertips before wiping them, but that just made my lips and tongue start burning. I amused myself for a little while giving myself capsaicin lipstick, but transferring the chemical to my mouth didn't lessen the pain in my hands - it just spread it around more. My friend laughed at me as I alternately sucked and blew on my fingers, but until we reached his place there was nothing else to be done.

It was simultaneously hilarious and deeply uncomfortable. The burn didn't disappear for hours. As soon as we parked the car I leapt inside and washed my hands thoroughly with liquid soap. That helped a little, but then I had to wash my hair, and the hot water re-activated the toxin until the sting was worse than ever. I ended up sitting next to a saucer of milk and dabbling my fingers in it. I was astonished by how long the sensation lasted.

Of course, from the first moment my fingers started burning, my mind instantly leapt to the kinky implications of the sensation. I've read about using capsaicin as a spanking tool on Thomas' Spanking Exploits, who has written a tutorial on the subject as well as numerous descriptions of scenes and punishments employing the technique.

I think that having capsaicin applied to my bottom would probably be less unpleasant (or at least, more interesting) than having it stuck to my fingers. Even so, it's definitely not something I want. The idea of having something caustic rubbed into punished flesh is horrid, horrid, horrid - reminiscent of Victorian schoolteachers who applied lemon juice to the thighs of their pupils after leaving welts with a ruler, or medieval torturers rubbing salt or vinegar into wounds. Horrid - and yet compelling. I think if I ever played with capsaicin I'd prefer it to be in the type of roleplay where my tormentor is brutal and unfair, and I'm a hapless victim. It's not the kind of punishment I'd ever want to feel like I'd deserved. Although if I was threatened with it as a punishment, it might be a very effective deterrant!

Having said that, during that painful car journey I did find the burn in my hands easier to bear by mentally transferring it to my bottom. So perhaps the idea has erotic potential after all...

Keep reading »

Tags: corrupting the innocent, Fantasies, funny, other pictures

5 comments

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