One of the problems with being a good submissive at a kinky roleplay event is that well-behaved characters don’t get punished, and can end up feeling a bit left out. (The exception is if the tops know you well enough to pick on you unfairly. Leia-Ann Woods would probably argue that this situation is not desirable at all, but I did find myself envying her, strange as it seems – I’d have found being singled out much easier!)
In private D/s scenes and social contexts like play parties and clubs, deliberately bratting, being disobedient or causing mischief in order to earn a punishment has always made me feel uncomfortable. I can’t get over the idea that I’m being horribly self-involved, rude, demanding and attention-seeking. More generally, I’ve never really liked being made to feel “naughty” when I’m being punished. I much prefer to please my partners – and if I please them by being punished, so much the better!
But in a social roleplay like the Finishing School weekend, what’s the best approach for a good girl who likes to play hard? Should I only roleplay with tops I can trust to set me impossible tasks, single me out unfairly, pick up on every little misdemeanour, deliberate or accidental? Not easy to achieve unless I only roleplay with my partners – and if every bottom in a scene needed such treatment, the tops would have their work cut out!
The first public punishments of the weekend were meted out at the Saturday morning assembly. Emma-Jane had organised matching Little Miss Trouble panties for everyone to wear instead of our regulation knickers. She’d made sure a pair was provided for me, but I agonised stupid amounts over whether to participate or not. I really wasn’t comfortable playing a bratty persona and deliberately earning punishments. It’s just not my style. But I didn’t want to seem like some snotty goody-goody thinking she was better than everyone else, either. I’m more susceptible to peer pressure than I’d like!
In the end I decided that it was foolish to pressure myself to do something I wasn’t comfortable with, and wore regulation knickers. I was in on the joke, but when Mrs Darling and Miss Hammond-Grant whacked their way down the line of naughty bottoms, mine was passed over (apart from a couple of over-enthusiastic, accidental swats from Miss H-G on her way past the first time, which was more funny than anything else!)
I think it was the right decision. I wasn’t excluded from a big scene, and the teachers didn’t go on about my abstention to the extent I felt embarrassed about it. But interestingly, as we stood there in assembly, skirts lifted to show Mrs Darling who had participated and who had not, I realised that despite my misgivings I probably would have felt comfortable if I’d joined in, after all. Okay, it would have felt a bit artificial, but it was no big deal and all in good fun. Next time, perhaps, I’ll have the confidence to join in for the sake of the joke. After all, if my character doesn’t misbehave somehow, my real kinky self won’t have much fun.
I’ve already decided that at future roleplay events like this I definitely want to take a character, with a different name and backstory (I have a few ideas already…), to make it easier for me to indulge in this sort of play without guilt.
Being good out of character is great. (Being responsible and helpful, being nice to people, pulling your weight with chores, not being selfish or annoying). But my character and me have different aims. I like playing hard and want to be included in the kinky fun. My character, however, wants to avoid getting into trouble. Both of us want to please our tutors and get on with my classmates. But is being good in character necessary to be a good play partner?
The only kind of scene I’ve played for fun before involved crimes committed offstage, or unfair scenarios with sadistic tops taking advantage. An educational setting with fair, likeable teachers is very different. It’s unfair to expect two tops to take responsibility for satisfying a whole group of kinky girls without any input from them – it’s reasonable that we should help them along by giving them something to work with. Really, if you think about it, misbehaving is the right thing to do in this sort of context!
Outright bratting may not be my style, but creative mischief to amuse my classmates and enliven a group roleplay feels less self-involved – it enhances the experience for all. My teachers’ characters won’t approve, of course, but the real tops trying to pull together an entertaining and satisfying group scene will appreciate imaginative contributions (and are almost certainly finding it as funny as us). The consequences are an out-of-character reward as much as an in-character punishment. I favour active rather passive submission, and I think this sort of “misbehaviour” is the equivalent in certain types of roleplay.
One rule Adele Haze mentioned at the weekend which several classmates agreed with was, “don’t commit the crime (in character) if you can’t take the punishment”. But I think it works the other way, too – if you want the punishment, you have to earn it somehow! Part of being a grownup, after all, is self-reliance – it’s not fair to expect other people to do all the work for me.
There’s a difference, of course, between the sort of imaginative, entertaining mischief which enlivens a scene, or cheeky retorts witty enough to make people laugh, and being genuinely annoying or aggravating. This line might be obvious to hardcore purveyors of mischief, but I’m just trying to puzzle it out – helped by following the good examples of my fellow Finishing School students.
Here’s what I’ve got so far: think of this as Finishing School Etiquette (the unofficial version)…
- Mischief and cheekiness are all very well, but unkindness and snideness are rarely justified. Creativeness and generosity of spirit aren’t incompatible with rule-breaking!
- Targets should be chosen with care – mean characters are fairer game than nice ones, and of course one should show solidarity with one’s fellow students! Other people “playing the game” are better targets than those trying to be good.
- Disobedience should be frivolous and entertaining for onlookers – attention-seeking behaviour is more justifiable if you put on a good show and raise a laugh.
- “Naughtiness” shouldn’t be an excuse to get out of chores or unpleasant duties, especially if this makes more work for your fellows. Same goes for bothering people while they’re doing something difficult, unpleasant or necessary.
- Just as tops can be expected to look after our limits, we should look after theirs. It’s better to ease off when they’re particularly tired of dealing with naughty pupils rather than demanding more attention from them.
What do you think? Is that a reasonable approximation of “bratting etiquette”? Are there any I’ve missed?
I think all my fellow players last weekend had an instinctive grasp of these rules. As well the teachers showing us how to be more ladylike, the other Finishing School pupils offered a masterclass in responsible naughtiness. Watching so much entertaining cheekiness and mischief has left me feeling much more confident that I could enjoy breaking the written rules, once I’ve got a better sense of what the unwritten ones are.
I’ve realised that so much of effective naughtiness is about confidence. Answering back is impossible if you’re too tongue-tied to think of witty retorts. It’s easier to cause trouble if you can trust that your play partners will enjoy the consequences. One of the reasons I default to obedience is if I feel shy or insecure and don’t want to call attention to myself. I’m worried about seeming like one of those demanding, pushy bottoms constantly competing for attention. But this weekend offered a crash course in creative ways of getting into trouble that are fun for all involved, and by the end I was feeling more confident that I could join in without making a genuine nuisance of myself. Now I just need more practice – clearly, I’m just going to have to do more roleplay!
I’m not sure what Mrs Darling and Miss Hammond-Grant will make of the non-curricular things I learned this weekend. I’m sure Finishing School was intended to make me better behaved, not worse…
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Yay, I get to be the first to leave a comment!
And I'll start by thanking you, my dear, for writing at least 3/4 of the post I was going to write, for me! I'll be set by linking to yours and adding a couple paragraphs! Thank you!
I think you are just right that despite the fact that you and I both long for the situations where we are good but end up in a world of hurt, anyway, that in group roleplays we cannot ask our poor overworked Tops to read our minds in such a way. If we want to be "punished," we need to earn it — or at least show we want it! I noted this past weekend that whenever I was good, they would back right off me — assuming I was behaving simply because I needed a break, I assume!
I think you and I can put in requests to be treated like Leia-Anne was, and you know the wonderful Headmistress and Deputy Head will do their best by us, but yes, we also have to give them something to work with, because they have so many other things they have to keep on their minds at the same time, and punishing obvious bad behaviour is easier and safer for them.
I am *very glad* that you and I were able to work together (although it wasn't *work*!) to get ourselves in the trouble we both wanted to find ourselves in, and I was honoured to share that and the double caning with you!
That sounds like an absolutely astounding amount of fun (although perhaps 'fun' isn't quite the right word to use, but nothing else fits either, so 'fun' it shall be). And also like one of the few settings I could see myself being happily sub in, which surprised me.
I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be 'a good girl'. In this situation you'd rather have a wicked tutor who would take advantage of your desire to please them, than a stern and correct one who's simply meting out just punishment, perhaps?
I should visit your blog more often, shouldn't I?
Hello Pandora and Zille – Thing is I was never a good girl (except in Ballet class, where only a fool would take on those dragons!), so it is just me. I would have to play a role to be a good girl! I guess it is what everyone feels comfortable with. Maybe you are worrying too much about this? Obviously if you are known to the staff it will cause problems *grin*, but I really don't think it is poor form to get up to mischief that is creative, fun and relatively innocent. For this reason I hope to see you both behaving with exquisite naughtiness next time!!!
you are a good girl pandora only misbehaving in little ways like not wearing the correct knickers i would spank you just for that.love simon.
Sorry to be dull, but I am getting a malware warning when I come to this site, might be worth a bit of housekeeping.
I have the perfect solution, Pandora! We'll both go to the next gathering, and you can be my whipping girl. That way I can do all the hard work of getting into trouble and you can play hard without having to put yourself forward.
Mind you, I make this offer only out of the goodness of my heart! I'm sure I don't have the same facility for mischief as Caoilfhion, Jemima or Alexandra, so it will be a challenge for me.
PS– I didn't get a warning on your blog this time, so you can post your next FS story now!
Zille & Pandora.
One of the many unique things about the weekend was the overall dynamic of the Finishing School.
If it were a one off scene without so many around then my particular penchant for unjust punishments would have come to the fore. Problem is , as the Saturday unfolded it became clear that actually that would be against the whole self improvement ethos that Mrs Darling and AHG were trying to create.
In my mind Sir Stephen was going to use the FS girls for his own wicked enjoyment and believe me ,you two were going to be the main two in the firing line as arguably the two most vulnerable characters. Problem was as the evening went on it became apparent to me that this just wouldn't really be right.
I'm not sure how realistic it is but a solution might be to correspond privately before something as big as this. The danger there is that it might interfere with the realism of the roleplay but with the wonderfully creative minds both of you possess I'm sure you'd be able to find a way that would work for you personally and still keep the integrity of the whole weekend.
@indy, I love the "whipping girl" idea. That's definitely an icon in my fantasy world. And it would seem to fit Pandora's preference to be singled out unfairly.
@Stephen Lewis
I think that for next time all you have to do is talk with Lucy about how to work your "unfair" dynamic into the grand scheme of things, and she'll make it magically happen as she makes all magical and happening!
I think I can speak for the luscious Pandora when I say we'd both be delighted to know we could be good as girls can be, and yet still spanked sore and sorry!
And thank you for *thinking* about it! It's lovely to know our good behaviour was noticed and plotted about!!!
It sounds like a whole bunch of you 'lived the dream' I love it when that happens.
TC
I've been reading all of the blog posts and twitters on the finishing school and I've been skirting the edge of jealousy the whole time
What's kept me on that edge, instead of tipping me over, is that – like you – I have a hard time being deliberately bratty. Or rather, if I'm surrounded by a bunch of people I'll slip into the role, but immediately regret it and be overcome with worry about all the things you've mentioned here. I'm not sure how I'd handle something like that in a group setting, but it does sound like you all had a wonderful time!
I tried to post a similar comment on the first FS post you wrote but it got eaten up so I'll try again.
It is also going to be the subject of my next FS post, if I ever get around to writing it.
I think the point of reponsible naughtiness is a very important one. As someone who was punished many tmes over the weekend, who came bottom and also pre-planned pantygate and willygate, I'd be mortified if I came across as unreasobably bratty or attention seeking to the point of unbearable. I'd hope that I was responsible, and dear Lord would love to be told if I overstepped that.
The other thing is I find a character is very important in big events like these. In that I'm very lucky to have so much roleplay experience.
Despite meeting so many new people and not having played with Amy or Lucy before, I had the safety of Caoilfhionn, a fully formed character in her own right who knew exactly what to do all weekend. Not to mention she had her roleplay friend Jemima to spark off.
I, Emma Jane never thought through any of the things Caoilfhionn did, if I had they might not have happened. And I was surprised at times how deep in role as Caoilfhionn, I was. And not Lowewood Caoilfhionn, but a slighly older version as befitted Finishing School. Whilst she managed to get into trouble a lot, she also carried out all her duties to the best of her ability, not wanting to let anyone down.
And I was so deep as her that I was mortified with one particular punishment!
So yes I agree responsible naughtiness made the weekend work, and that roleplay characters are important.
Pandora, although I've never done a group role play like that and I don't know whether I ever will, I can relate very much to your thoughts! Especially the question of whether to join in and wear the Little Miss Trouble panties. But especially this example showed to me how respectful you all treated each other! The fact that no one tried to push you into it and everyone respected your decision to wear the regulation knickers because you weren't ready for mischief, yet, really fascinated me. I think in such a great environment even I could imagine to take part in a funny group prank without a strange feeling. And that means a lot! Since I'm not really comfortable with playing with strangers, I'm not sure whether I'll ever be able to enjoy such a kind of scene, but I have to admit that I envy you girls for the fun you had together and the care with which you treated each other!
One more remark:
@ Indy:
Strange as it might sound, the idea of being a whipping girl for someone else really has some appeal for me. Especially with sympathetic tops who just spank that poor whipping girl because it is their duty. Well, and maybe with the prospect of getting a little bit of revenge at the very end of the scene…
Hi Pandora
.
Like Em, I've been feeling something very much akin to jealously whilst reading all your posts about the finishing school.
Even CP aside, the whole experience sounds wonderful. As someone who doesn't have the first clue about being 'ladylike' (despite being very much a girly girl in my soul), I always felt like I could have done with going to a finishing school. Pretty clothes and make-up and all of those sorts of things are like a foreign language to me… So yes I'm a little bit jealous
.
Re: this particular post, I totally understand what you mean about not wanting to put yourself forward in group scenes. When I first started doing group roleplay, I was so shy that tops had to work really hard to find anything to pull me up on – I was trying so desperately to be good and not draw attention to myself!
As others have said, becoming a character can help a lot. I often shock myself with what I will say when I'm 'being someone else' – especially as I'm the sort of person who will bend over backwards not to offend people in real life.
Also, there are ways of getting yourself in trouble without necessarily having to be overtly 'bad' or bratty. At one school event I went to, we were given a worksheet which involved filling in acronyms. As I was doing my usual thing of keeping my head down and being good, I decided to put some very naughty words in the acronyms to see if that would get me into trouble. Needless to say, it worked
.
Hope you find a way to feel more comfortable in group scenes. Those rules you listed sound pretty sensible to me
.
Zille – And I'm SO glad it wasn't just me who found herself feeling a bit out of place in that environment. I don't know what sort of weekend I'd have had without your company and good/bad influence but I'm sure it would have been nowhere near as fun!
Still, I can't think of a better group of classmates to learn from when it comes to how to play this sort of scene. If I hadn't had their excellent example to follow (and to reassure me that it was PERFECTLY possible to be naughty in a way which improved the scene for everyone including the tops), I think I'd have found the whole thing much more difficult
Since a couple of the things Leia-Ann was punished for were things I was also guilty of (like not wearing a bra!) perhaps I should just work on being less successful at hiding my misdemeanours… but that comes back to confidence again. I was feeling awkward about the polkadot vest top under my blouse (which was wholly out of character, but very necessary for warmth – and I'd have been a bit indignant about getting into trouble for that, because I already felt insecure about not having all the right clothes with me) otherwise I might have been more comfortable revealing my lack of suitable underwear. Next time, I think, if I'm better prepared and less likely to mess up in ways I DON'T want to be punished for, I'll feel more able to show myself up for the things I AM comfortable being punished for.
But yes, I am very glad (and very smug) that I was able to get into trouble with you in such a pleasing way. Thankyou for being such a willing accomplice (and for everything else that followed!)
Corchen – Hello! Didn't know you were lurking here
I think you'd have LOVED the Finishing School readthrough – and in all likelihood been far better at it than me. Although you might have struggled equally with the heteronormative aspects (which I only found acceptable as a premise because I knew neither of our tutors were particularly inclined that way in real life!)
A wicked tutor would have been much easier for me, but it would have detracted from some of the other ways in which this roleplay was genuinely improving and affecting – if I hadn't so genuinely wanted to please them, I'd have got less out of it. Although I think perhaps there's scope for Miss Hammond-Grant being a BIT more evil…
Leia-Ann – Hrm, I'm not sure. You're cheeky (in very entertaining ways!) but your other misdemeanours were all things I could see myself doing (and some of them I DID do and wasn't punished for). Perhaps it's not that I'm worse at getting into trouble than you, I'm just less good at getting caught! I think the biggest factor there though is how well you know the tops you're playing with. I'm sure if I was in a roleplay situation where the top was a regular play partner I would find myself under far greater scrutiny, and pushed much harder since they had a better understanding of my limits.
I really don't think it is poor form to get up to mischief that is creative, fun and relatively innocent.
Yes – this is the heart of it. It took the good example of you, Cath, Caiolfhionn, Jemima and the other pupils to realise this, and show me how it was done!
Simon – but I WAS wearing the correct knickers, that was the point!
Anon – thanks for the notification; it seems that one of the links in my sidebar had been hacked. I've removed it and Google seems to have removed the warning, so I think the danger's over!
Indy – OMG, perfect solution! I love it! Perhaps you'd play an aristocrat or society princess (daughter of a wealthy rail baron or suchlike), who could of course not be subjected to the same punishments as the rest of us riff-raff. So you'd bring your personal maidservant with you who could take all your punishments for you. I know that you're naturally so mild-mannered and obedient, but I'm sure you could rustle up a soupcon of mischief if you tried. Purely for my sake, of course.
Sadly I can't imagine Mrs Darling going along with such an arrangement, no matter how big the fees your father was paying!
Stephen – Yes, the self-improvement ethos was so very earnest it did limit the options somewhat. It was also one of the reasons the roleplay worked so well for me, so I'm not objecting too much. But I think that now the general tone has been established it might be easier to bend it a little next time without compromising the overall mood too much.
I am touched and flattered to hear that you were plotting about me in advance! I think that sort of "being picked on" could work well in context, if, say, a particular bachelor were eyeing up a couple of the girls and, say, asked Mrs Darling for permission to publically put them through their paces – it could start off with demonstrating what they'd learned that weekend (deportment etc) but if you were picky it could quite easily lead to a punishment scenario, no matter how much the girls were eager to please. And if they were cheeky at all …
I'd definitely be up for corresponding beforehand in advance of future events; I think it would certainly make it easy for the tops to tell when obedience means "I'm trying my best so cut me some slack" and when it means "I'm not going to misbehave so you're going to need to be mean…"
TC – Yeah, that was definitely how it felt. Turns out the dream involves freezing bedrooms and lots of washing up, but it's good nonetheless!
Em – Glad it's not just me! I think with practice I'll be able to work it out. Us submissives, eh? So obsessed with boundaries! I was happy to go alone with the written rules, but as soon as I started to work out the unwritten rules I felt much more confident about breaking the written ones, because I could still feel safe in my boundaries! Either way, I'm still most interested in finding a way to get what I need without inconveniencing or annoying my tops – or anyone else. If I can feel secure that I'm not likely to, I'm much more likely to cause mischief