New figure nudes
Posted at 14:26 on 17 May 2011 by Pandora / Blake
Last week I had my first art nude shoot in a couple of years; certainly the first since I put on weight and went up a size or two. However, I wasn't nervous about my shape. The photographer in question was one I'd worked with before, and he booked the shoot because he specifically wanted to shoot some figure work at my current size, so I knew he'd be expecting more curves than last time.
I was actually more worried about having lost my touch and confidence when it came to posing. I know what I'm doing with spanking stills, but figure posing is a whole different ballgame. Luckily, the photographer was keen to direct me closely, which made my job a lot easier. (In fact I got told off for trying to direct! Oops ... I guess working for my own productions has got me into certain habits.)
It was tremendous fun. I remembered why I used to love shooting art nude so much - and my taste for it has been thoroughly rekindled.
The fun started the night I arrived, when I was let loose in a room full of beautiful vintage clothes and encouraged to try things on. This was in the name of planning outfits for the next day, but it felt deliciously self-indulgent. Skimpy silk underthings, sheer wraps, antique lace, layered Victoriana, split bloomers, high collars, embroidered sleeves ... and sleek designer negligée; diaphanous nightgowns; a short, perfectly pleated skirt in pure black silk. It was a banquet for the senses. I felt like a harem girl, a princess, an excited child with a dressing up box. And all overseen by pensive judgement from my hosts, picking out the garments which flattered my figure and rejecting those that didn't. It was the first proper trying-on session I've had since my curves got bigger, and there was something very therapeutic about spending time with my current shape, getting to know it, learning what suits it and what doesn't.
The sense of indulgence carried over into the shoot itself. I had to concentrate a lot on remembering how to use my body, but it was definitely made easier by feeling sexy and elegant posing in all these gorgeous outfits. Holding poses in beautiful morning sunlight; bending over an aged leather vaulting horse; pretending to be a statue. His wife put me over her knee, and I, in turn, threatened her exquisitely petite derrière with a cane (although I didn't get to use it).
But the best part of all was when, in the afternoon, we dodged the May showers to go and shoot on location, in some decaying ruins rich with peeling paint textures, overgrown ivy, enormous doors hanging off their iron hinges, missing floors and dusty shafts of sunlight, birds nests in the rafters.
J had brought a large format camera with him, a beautiful long-legged creature with a wooden case, bellows, black cape and accompanying archaic-looking gadgets. First there was the process of setting up the camera, choosing the position and lens with meticulous care, adjusting the focus and doing a dozen other complex things to get it all ready. Then, there was modelling for the shots themselves; such a different pace to the world of digital, choosing the softest, most relaxed-looking poses that you can hold for long minutes, re-learning when to put energy in and when to hold it back. There was something meditative about the prolonged stillness, and the deliberate, careful precision involved in capturing the image, which was deeply soothing.
Of course, the 10 x 8" negatives he was shooting onto with the large format have yet to be developed, but I'm pleased with how the other shots I've seen turned out. I've definitely rediscovered my love for figure work. Timely, too; the baby DSLR I've bought for Tom to learn on was posted today, and modelling for him is something I've wanted to do for years. I'm looking forward to being able to shoot nude images at home (although knowing Tom's perfectionism, I'm well aware it might take years before he starts taking pictures he's happy with). But of course the occasional adventure is important too - for the excitement of new experiences, the spark of new ideas and inspirations to bring home with you.
Photos © copyright J&L 2011.
Comments
Nimue, thanks for the compliments :)
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
Nimue, thanks for the compliments :)
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
Nimue, thanks for the compliments :)
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
Nimue, thanks for the compliments :)
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
Nimue, thanks for the compliments :)
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
Nimue, thanks for the compliments :)
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
I dont think I've seen any of your earlier figure work, but I have seen some of your earlier spanking work and I have to say if this is your "new" shape - I like it! Although you've always been gorgeous, in these new images you are stunning. The curves give you a softness, you look more "real" (though I hate that word, I can't find another that better describes what I'm trying to say.... maybe "natural" would work as well) and you look happy with your body.
Please ignore my ramblings, and just let me say - fab work on this shoot!
Please ignore my ramblings, and just let me say - fab work on this shoot!
Nimue, thanks for the compliments :)
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
I admit that when it comes to choosing lovers, I do tend to prefer curvier, stronger-looking women myself. I used to go for very petite, flat-stomached girls, but two things happened. Firstly, I realised this was as likely to be cultural as natural inclination on my part, and this grated. I don't like being brainwashed and I'm a stubborn, contrary creature. That combined with my own experiences of disordered eating was enough to put me off anyone who deliberately maintained an unhealthily low weight (especially since people who do this so often talk about nothing except food and dieting - I know I used to, and there are few things more tedious!)
In addition - and this is a more problematic, complex one - I found that people who were underweight were often emotionally unstable, and in recent years I've got tired of the drama. These days I am most drawn to people who are capable, pragmatic, who get things done and do their best to reduce drama, rather than cause it.
I hate generalisations, but it's true people's bodies tend to change during their twenties and thirties. In my experience, people who have got to the point in their lives where they're responsible adults who can look after themselves, are on average likely to have a bit more flesh on them than when they were flighty teenagers (or, say, early-twenty-somethings who are skinny because they take a lot of stimulants and don't eat enough!)
When I started modelling, I had eating problems, I partied hard and I was quite high-maintenance as a lover. These days I am more settled, more self-sufficient, happier, calmer, and much less inclined to drama - and I like myself, and life, a lot more. I also eat properly, work out, party within moderation, and my body has altered accordingly. According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now, but I am teaching myself to love its new strength (and what I have called on occasion my "belly of happiness"!) It's not a universal generalisation, but I do actually associate a bit of heaviness with being sensible and emotionally grounded - both traits which I value in my friends and lovers.
So there's that. Of course, the cultural brainwashing is hard to shift and I still have a lot of negative emotional response when I contemplate my wobbly tummy, and it's annoying that I no longer fit most of my favourite clothes. But on every level that is important, I respect myself more these days, and if that comes with being a bit bigger, so be it. And even that superficial anxiety about having a bit of fat on my curves can be dispelled with some figure shots by a good photographer. Modelling really can be awesome therapy!
I was paticularly interested in your statement "According to the rules of our culture my body is less pretty now". In my view, that simply depends on whose opinon you value the most. There is an old saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and regardless of doctrines from certain parts of the media, who think every woman should be a size 0, it is really only the opinions of ourselves, our lovers, our partners, and our friends which are relevant. This has been said before, and will be said many times in the future, but Pandora you have a beautiful figure (I personally think better now than in your early 20s). You are also a great communicator, with some fascinating thought-provoking insights shared through the pages of your blog. Keep it up!
I just got a brilliant idea:
Will some site owner please organise a
SPANKED MISS WORLD
contest, so that I can vote for Pandora.
There are many fine beauties in the spanking/fetish industry, but these days, no one as perfectly and heavenly beautiful as Pandora Blake.
Pandora Blake for
SPANKED MISS WORLD 2011!
Will some site owner please organise a
SPANKED MISS WORLD
contest, so that I can vote for Pandora.
There are many fine beauties in the spanking/fetish industry, but these days, no one as perfectly and heavenly beautiful as Pandora Blake.
Pandora Blake for
SPANKED MISS WORLD 2011!
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