When fantasy alters reality

Posted at 00:14 on 2 Nov 2011 by Pandora / Blake

Tags: belt, dominance and submission, Fantasies, kink, links, otk spanking, spanking stories, Thomas Cameron

I've just come back from visiting Tom's new crashpad for the first time since we started living apart. He's staying with one of my oldest friends while he looks for his next job.

After a couple of weeks apart we were both dying to play, but it wasn't easy. Some inconvenience related to his temporary living arrangements (my sprained ankle is still not healed up enough to deal well with climbing a loft ladder) triggered some difficult conversations. Maintaining a D/S dynamic when the dominant partner is out of work, ill or both is tough, people. He's in a bit of a low patch anyway - a perfectly rational reaction to jobhunting in this economy. Plus health issues, the fact I can't even visit him for the weekend without needing to bring work with me, the lack of control over his environment... there was a lot of frustration and emotion to deal with.

Spanking can be very therapeutic for a stressed out bottom, but a top doesn't have that luxury. Using play to vent his frustration wouldn't have been safe: we needed to talk it through before spanking could improve things.

Even then, we were both so drained I wasn't sure if we would. After making up the sofabed in the lounge and negotiating some privacy with his lovely housemates, I was prepared for us to just snuggle. But I felt like I could sense this fluttering of hope in both of us: frightened, reluctant to push for anything, both of us wishing it could be easy. We stood with our arms around each other, contemplating the sofabed.

"Well, those cushions look like a convenient shape," I quipped, trying to break the ice.

"I was thinking much the same," he replied. "It'd be a shame not to take advantage of them."

And somehow, after that, it was easier.

I lay across his lap with my feet up on the sofabed, hiding my head in my folded arms. His hand spanking was not hard - well, not by Tom's standards - but even so I needed to plead with him to go slower. When he did, I felt myself finally start to relax into it. I tucked one hand under my tummy to rest against his jean-covered thigh, mirroring his palm holding the small of my back and adding another thread of communication between us. He began to slow the spanks down and rub my bottom in between each smack, and suddenly pleasure rose along with the pain, and the power of the strokes ceased to matter. I leaned back into spanks and caresses alike.

I felt floaty and dreamlike when he moved me facedown onto the sofabed with the cushions under my hips. The first stroke of the belt was not hard, but I still jumped as I anticipated the next one. He paced them slowly, delivering a set on one side before moving round to land the tip of the belt on the other cheek. I couldn't stop looking back at him over my shoulder, beautiful with his bare chest and arms contrasting with the blue jeans. He was gorgeous, but I found myself struggling to take it. Not knowing how many strokes would be in each set was hard, and the wait between each stroke became increasingly nervewracking. If it was lighter than I expected, I'd feel foolish for flinching; if it was heavier, it would make me even more jumpy about the next one.

Frustrated with myself, I tried to coax myself into relaxing again. Come on, I thought, he's not trying to push you. You've been wanting the belt for days; craving it as you go to sleep at night. It's the belt you fantasise about when you pleasure yourself, and not a slow, loving belting like this, either: you fantasise about severe, no-nonsense punishment whippings with barely a pause between strokes.

Imagining the whipping of my dreams, the next lick of the belt seemed like a jolt of pure pleasure. Encouraged, I focussed on the fantasy. Well, strictly speaking it wasn't a single fantasy, but a blurring of images from recent belt whipping stories that had turned me on. I was Tiffany, kneeling on the sofa and getting the belt from her dad, overheard by her boyfriend on the other end of the phone. I was Chelsea being whipped by her parents while her schoolfriends looked on through the window. I was Cobie's film character, punished by the mob boss.

Visualising those severe, nonconsensual whippings turned me on just as much as it had on previous occasions. As soon as my mind centred on the fantasy, my body became hungry for the sensations I was experiencing in reality. I arched my back and lifted my bottom for the belt. The mental image of it landing on a reddened, bruised, tender bottom somehow made me more receptive to pain.

Suddenly, I wanted him to go harder, faster. I lusted for more impact. I was relaxed, I was enjoying myself, and I was certain that I was physically aroused. Instead of fretting about why I was being jumpy, I found myself thinking: please don't stop. And: oh my god, if he doesn't fuck me after this I might actually scream.

Luckily for me, he kept going for a while before he stopped. And when he did, regardless of other noises he elicited, I didn't have that particular cause to scream.

It's not the first time I've turned to fantasy during a real-life scene to stave off panic and rekindle my desire for pain. It's never surprised me that during 'vanilla' sex I find it difficult to come without a part of my brain focussing on spanking. But during an actual spanking, I feel like I should be in the moment; take full advantage of an experience I rarely stop craving.

Easier said than done when the reality is often harder to bear than you'd like. Sometimes it's easiest to be in the moment if you let fantasy show you the way.

Comments

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It is said that the most erogenous zone of the human body is the brain. Fascinating to hear about this in action.

And you write it so well.

Thankyou! It's amazing how much of a difference what you're thinking can make to physical sensations. This is one of the reasons spanking performance and roleplay is so powerful. I guess mental roleplay is one of the routes into that if roleplay in the bedroom isn't your top's thing. I've always had this vague sense it was a bit dishonest but I guess if it facilitates a successful scene that's no bad thing :)

I love this pos-- it's equally hot and thought provoking!

Thanks for the story links, too. Severe non-consensual punishment isn't my favorite, but those stories are well done. I particularly liked the Tiffany story.

Almost forgot...
" The mental image of it landing on a reddened, bruised, tender bottom somehow made me more receptive to pain."

Love the bruised bottom pic! That's going to haunt me all day. Wow.

But your statement about being more receptive to the pain in this state also parallels my feeling from the top side - that once I've spanked a woman to this point, I tend to feel that her bottom has now been "prepared", almost like a living canvass. There's this tug of war between feeling like she's had enough and feeling like now I know she can take it and she's ready for more. She won't break. Keep spanking/lashing her and see how long we can make that deep, stinging ache go on.

Best Regards,
Quai

I feel quite honored to have had some of my characters and stories play a helpful role for you. This makes me feel that I'm fulfilling part of my purpose in life.

I quite relate to your dilemma about fantasizing about spanking during a spanking experience. I've faced that myself. I've been blessed to be able to spank some beautiful women over the years, but sometimes just spanking them hasn't been "enough". I've found myself creating a mental environment that intensified the experience - usually imagining some level of non-consent and that she is feeling the strokes as pain/punishment only, instead of receiving the concomitant pleasure.

I think this is a parallel that you and I have and it's interesting seeing it from the bottom's perspective. Just like the suspension of disbelief that is necessary to enjoy good fiction (e.g. in a film or play etc.), we sometimes need to suspend disbelief and envision our play as non-consensual and punishment only. And just as we don't actually believe films are real, you don't suddenly feel unsafe or abused while playing with your partner in this suspension, and I don't feel like I've become some unethical monster.

Thank you for the description of your experience. Not only was it extremely sexy, I think it's also opened up an awareness that I don't just have a spanking/corporal-punishment fetish, but really a spanking/corporal-punishment-AS-punishment fetish.

Best Regards,
Quai

It's so interesting to read about this from the top's perspective. I must make a mental note to ask Tom if his experience is similar!

Also fascinating to hear as a top that the experience isn't "enough" ... you aren't trying to overcome a pain reaction, which initially makes me think, well, what's the problem, what is there to struggle with? But I guess the top is the one putting out most of the initial energy, going to all the effort - and as a newbie switch I know there's a very, very short list of people I am willing to go to that much effort for, so I can see how if you're not quite feeling up to it you might need that extra mental "push" to stimulate and motivate you to stay focused.

A tangent: when I'm being brought to orgasm by a partner I almost ALWAYS need to fantasise for it to succeed, and my habitual fantasies are very severe masochistic/submissive ones. Most of my female partners over the years haven't been tops (Penny D being the notable exception) and I always felt a bit odd engaging those fantasies in bed with them, because it felt a bit like stepping away from the dynamic we shared. Within a D/S relationship in which I bottom or sub, it works; within a vanilla dynamic, it felt a bit incompatible with the partner I was with.

It was a revelation to me when I was in bed with Jacq (after the first time I spanked her, in fact) and for the first time the fantasy I used to encourage my orgasm was of doing violent things to her, and not of experiencing violence myself. It made me feel very connected with her to fantasise about the partner I was actually with in a way which was compatible with our particular dynamic, and like the sex we were having was somehow more honest. :)

Yes. I guess I've had this expectation of myself that the D/S dynamic within our relationship should provide enough "context" for the spanking to be enjoyable. My dom wants to spank me, therefore that should be enough for me. And sometimes it is... but I think I need a certain amount of enthusiasm or energy going into the scene for that to work. If I'm tired or something is a bit off, fantasy is my "fallback" if you will for finding a mental route into enjoying the scene. Now I just need to stop feeling bad about needing to use it!

Thanks :) It's definitely a mental as well as a physical experience... and a wonderful place to be.

A very lovely account, Pandora! I'm glad to hear that the two of you had such a wonderful scene, despite of the difficult circumstances. :-)

From my experience the mindset is indeed very important during a spanking. The best scenes are those where I'm in the right mindset and the spanking brings up just the right fantasies. If I don't manage to get into a fantasy that surrounds the experience of a real spanking, the spanking can be much more difficult to take and less erotic. An exception might be soft love-spankings where the spanking itself serves as a wellness-session.

Yes. I guess I've had this expectation of myself that the D/S dynamic within our relationship should provide enough "context" for the spanking to be enjoyable. My dom wants to spank me, therefore that should be enough for me. And sometimes it is... but I think I need a certain amount of enthusiasm or energy going into the scene for that to work. If I'm tired or something is a bit off, fantasy is my "fallback" if you will for finding a mental route into enjoying the scene. Now I just need to stop feeling bad about needing to use it!

Thanks :) It's definitely a mental as well as a physical experience... and a wonderful place to be.

The is a great feeling when your mind kicks in and you can enjoy these erogenous zones....The pain and pleasure wrapped into one zone and making love in another zone........Pricless!!!!!!...A beautiful and bruised bottom picture!!!Great Straps Marks!! Priceless....Kiss it and make it feel all better.......A well writen story lady.....

Be Safe,
Bryan

Thanks :) It's definitely a mental as well as a physical experience... and a wonderful place to be.

I misspelled a word when I did your post........Its written not writen.......My Boo Boo............:)

Bryan

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