Posted at 00:41 on 14 Dec 2011 by Pandora / Blake
I miss him anyway, of course. I miss him every day since we started living apart for this temporary, between-jobs period of time. I miss making food and music and love with him. I miss talking to him over breakfast and watching him fuss my cat. But watching him spank me on video makes me yearn, with a deep belly and throat ache, to be close to him.
His forearms are something I miss more than you might expect. Strong, patterned with hair, defined with the musculature that gives him such a firm grip. I miss them while he's playing the guitar, and I miss them while he's spanking me.
Tom's upper arms are also a comfort and a delight. When we're sitting next to each other, reading in bed or watching a film, I'll sometimes cuddle up to them and nuzzle them with my cheek, feel the reassuring solidity under my hands. I'll wrap both my hands around one arm and feel his bicep and tricep harden underneath my fingers, just because he knows it makes me melt.
I miss the laugh lines around his eyes, his smooth cheekbones and graceful brow. I miss his beard and the way he'll let me tangle my fingers in it and tug to make him giggle. I miss the rich curls of his voice and the way he can use it, so deliberately, to steady or stimulate me just by adjusting the timbre. With that voice he has brought me out of panic attacks, made me feel safe, made me laugh, made me cry and made me come.
But most of all, I think, I miss his hands. Strong, slightly tanned, lined with use, large compared to mine. I miss snuggling up against his broad chest and letting his bear hug envelope me, the automatic way his hands stroke my bare back, firm sweeps of his calloused palms that draw me closer and make me relax without thinking. I miss his clever, thorough massages, and the way his hands will reach down during a hug to give my bottom an affectionate squeeze. And of course I miss his spankings: how easily I can rest my weight over his sturdy lap, the touch of his hands that varies from tender caresses to rough, satisfying rubs; from gentle warm up smacks to full strength blows that make my hips shudder and seem to fuse my skin with his.
I'm travelling by train to visit him tomorrow, for two nights. Long distance sucks. It will be so good to make the distance between us very, very small again.