Posted at 22:50 on 12 Jul 2011 by Pandora / Blake
There were several reasons. Tom was initially who I went to about keeping tabs on my alcohol intake, last year, but he was too busy and not well enough to take on the extra responsibility. Although I see D every couple of weeks, we often don't find the time or inclination to set up a punishment scene; time is short, we both usually have work and social commitments while we're together, and our first priority in any private time is making enthusiastic love and gazing romantically into each others eyes. Perverse, I know.
The last time D and I cleared the tally was back in April, and I've been increasingly busy since then. Things slipped - specifically my exercise regime. Although last week's holiday has left me refreshed enough to pick things back up again, I'm owed a serious session when we next find the chance. It was D who initially suggested passing some of the responsibility over to Tom, who lives with me and is able to keep more regular track of things. And Tom's health has improved this year: he now feels ready to take it on.
The way we've worked it out is that Tom has taken over the tracking of my exercise goals (both working out and my physiotherapy stretches), which are also the things I've primarily been struggling with. This feels appropriate because he has worked as a personal trainer in the past, and he and I have got a lot out of him teaching me squash. D doesn't drink, and so has a different perspective on my intake which I'm finding useful; it makes sense to keep that with him. Tom and I have a weekly Wednesday night date, so (health permitting) the punishments are unlikely to get more than week in arrears.
My feelings are complex, as you'd imagine. I'm delighted to be able to bring this lovely new dynamic into our relationship, and I hope it will bring us closer. I know that he values this sort of responsibility very highly. It makes sense to share this not only with both of my partners, but with someone who is physically present in my life on a daily basis. In fact that's already working well: Tom's been actively encouraging me to find time for my physio exercises, and I've done them more often since the handover. If nothing else, that alone makes the change worthwhile.
On the other hand, I'm slightly sad that something will be lost from the connection between D and I. He and I have both found this process very rewarding - more than we expected. It has evolved very naturally and I think we're closer for it. But I can't help being aware that since we started this whole thing, I've succeeded at keeping my drinking within the limits we chose. Which is good news, of course... but it does mean that in practice, D's continuing role is not likely to result in much punishment.
We're both keen to try and maintain the dynamic somehow or other. Perhaps there will be other things I become accountable to him for. Otherwise, we are both invested in continuing to play scenes just for fun which build on this intensity, and talking about various things we'd like to do. Then there's the fact that neither D or Tom is specifically responsible for dealing with any punishments for late reports. I'm copying them both in on the same daily email, so I think those will simply be dealt with by whoever gets round to it first. And besides (just plucking ideas out of the air here, not dropping hints at all...) it's not impossible that both of them might decide to get together for a simultaneous session. If my D feels the need, I'm sure he can find a way.
I haven't written about all of the scenes D and I played as part of this arrangement. They are worth remembering. One of the most remarkable aspects of this whole process was how varied the punishments were, emotionally, even if the format and implement were very consistent.
There was the evening where he startled me on his bed, and fell on me with a mock roar, pinning my wrists. I giggled and decided to risk his surprise by fighting back. Not my normal style, but he barely missed a beat. "Hah. Struggling it is, then," he grinned, and the ensuing tussle was vigorous enough to leave me breathless, giddy, still giggling, facedown and helpless against the onslaught of the brush. It was a valiant effort, though. I'd have got away if I hadn't been laughing so much.
Other times I would stay as quiet as I could. I wouldn't necessarily be in the mood to take a lot of pain, but he'd be so gentle and supportive that I couldn't pretend this wasn't all for my sake. Subdued, I'd try to accept the inevitable without too much drama. We'd get through it briskly, with minimal fuss. Afterwards I'd reach for a cuddle and the touch of his skin would be like an electric jolt. With a shock, I'd realise that I was soaking wet.
The most memorable time, however, was the scene which started with me taking the bathbrush in my new Japanese style school uniform, and moved on to a delightful semi-roleplay involving spanking, molestation, and anal rape. My schoolgirl was definitely horny and enthusiastic, but neither of us were physically suited to anal play - she due to inexperience, me due to certain embarrassing medical issues. She didn't want it. I desperately wanted D to take what he wanted whether I was ready or not. I wanted to be pushed; I want to surrender to my tears while he continued to hurt me. It was very, very intense, and I'm not even sure I was still horny by the end of it. I was completely broken down, and just wanted to be held. But it was extremely satisfying, and definitely hot in retrospect.
Yesterday, I ordered another one of these to give to Tom. (I did consider seeing if I could have got away with presenting him with a stuffed toy instead, but I'm not sure it would have been in my best interest.) Tomorrow evening I believe I will be accounting for everything that's come up since the handover. I'm nervous in a number of ways. Will Tom be harder on me than D? Will I be able to accept the inevitable differences, trust in him enough to let him do it his own way? Will it work between us? If it does, will it leave D feeling left out?
Our priority is helping me meet my goals, not in finding excuses for punishment, so if all goes to plan in the long term my concerns will be moot. In the meantime, I'm sure there'll be plenty of things to report - starting with tomorrow night.