Posted at 21:02 on 12 Aug 2011 by Pandora / Blake
It's funny how quickly being a petgirl comes back to you.
I've done this twice before. On my first training session I learned ein, zwei, drei, vier, fnf, sechs; the postures and positions (sitz, platz); I got used to being on hands and knees, not using my hands and carrying things in my teeth. But it wasn't until spending two days as a show pet at Boundcon 2009 that those physical skills became ingrained. How to manouver gracefully in platform heeled boots. How to climb in and out of the too-small cage in said boots. Stacking the towers of gilt boxes quickly and efficiently using only your mouth. Balancing the bamboo stick on top of them with your teeth, only able to see one end of it out of the corner of your eye. It took repeated practice before I learned to do these things easily, but as soon as I started again today, they came flooding back.
The same old games. The sponge contest, where two pets play tug of war with a sponge in their teeth, with penalties for breaking it or knocking over the stick between you (Petgirl Jane is the undefeated champion; I lost every round). Limbo, where you wriggle on your back underneath progressively lower sticks.
I've played the game before, and I know that you play to lose. Today, the first time the stick was lower off the ground than my pelvis measures front to back, the unfairness was hot. Humiliation, being punished for not completing impossible tasks, being shouted at in German - these are all part of the SM Circus experience. You make big puppy eyes, you sit gracefully in position and take refuge in wordlessness, you take your swats without making a fuss, and you and your fellow petgirl grin at each other behind Herr Direktor's back. The easy grace and comfortable familiarity of the positions make it simple to stay calm.
But after Jane and I both proved that neither of us could physically fit under the limbo stick - me because of my hips, her because of her ribcage - and been beaten for it, we were told to try again. And at that point, I rebelled.
It's not a question of try. Being told to try is stupid. And yes of course, the viewers know it's impossible and the unfairness is the point, but the second time round, I stopped wanting to play. Once was hot. Being forced to go through it after the impossibility had already been established started to feel a bit more like being made fun of for my size, and I lost interest.
Today, though, I got to play a new game: Kaelah visited the circus, and as the only non-drinker, she was left guarding the cage while Ludwig and Herr Direktor went to the pub. As she came over to the cage to coo at the adorable little petgirls, she discovered that circus animals aren't as cute as they seem. I grabbed her scarf through the bars, Jane broke out of the cage, and the two of us proceeded to tie up, torment and spank poor Kaelah while she swore at us, ending up with her shut up in the cage while we gloated.
Of course, we didn't get away with it. But it was fun to have a break from the familiar cute little petgirl routine to be an evil, sadistic, feral little petgirl.
Overall, the experience was a body-positive one. As soon as I put on the high heeled boots, the leather chain belt and the open chest harness, I felt graceful, slender. Although bigger, I'm fitter and more flexible these days, which helped. The boots still dented my ankles but I didn't sprain anything and by the end of the day on all fours my knees were red, not bruised and purpling.
Manouvering in the heels requires all your attention. I ceased to be aware of my belly and immersed myself in how safe I felt adopting the familiar postures of obedience, proud of knowing what to do, of being quick to respond despite not knowing the language. I enjoy a scene-space where I dress up in skimpy leather outfits and ridiculous heels, am tested and challenged and have strict rules to follow.
And, somehow, these games always end up, at feeding time, with me and the other petgirl licking cold rice pudding off each other, and that's fine, too.