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Weekend hyperkinks #4

Posted at 20:15 on 4 Sep 2011 by Pandora / Blake

Tags: D, Female gaze, Fetish clubbing, Furry Girl, Gender politics, hyperkinks, Kink activism, Madison Young, Maggie Mayhem, meta-analysis, other pictures, Politics, Sex worker rights

I'm coming to the end of a deliciously decadent weekend with D and two very good friends. I had a lovely time at Torture Garden last night, which seemed to have a more relaxed and friendly atmosphere than at previous events, as well as no shortage of pretty people to look at. We got looked at ourselves at various points during the evening, and the debauchery continued once we were back at D's. I'm curled up on his sofa now under a duvet, happy and sleepy.

Things have been exciting for me since my last hyperkinks - two thrilling shoots for my site (the last ones before I launch!), my growing confidence as a switch with the aid of the ever-willing Jacq, and various good times in my personal life. But there's been exciting stuff happening in the wider internetty world as well:


  • I liked this post on the "Seven matrices of submission" by Rabbit White - an interesting deconstruction of varying types or aspects of submission, including ownership, service, restraint, being degraded, being fucked, being given away. Unsurprisingly, I particularly enjoyed the section on being beaten:

    Do you want or need to be beaten? This is not always about pain. You can beat someone for long periods of time without hurting them. When you are beaten you are the center of someones physical attention. This is about having someone use their strength against you... its not the pain but being the focus of a partners aggression. And of course, some people do like pain.
  • BDSMs Dirty Secret The Real Risk of Kinky Sex emphasises the emotional intimacy of pain and power play:
    SM, along with some sports, is one of the few remaining semi-sanctioned arenas where raw emotions and connections are permitted and even celebrated. To engage in this behavior may lead to a flood of emotions, elation and even risk a failure to achieve connection, with the added danger of feeling genuine loneliness. It takes guts, skill and personal risk to fly high with another person.
  • The Guardian had an interesting article a couple of weeks back on whether BDSM lifestyle should be protected in UK law as a philosophical belief, hinging on a worker dismissed for wearing her collar to work, and comparing the BDSM lifestyle with other cultural and religious practices. Kitty Stryker offers a counterpoint in her post "public kink != LGBT rights" on the question of whether individuals have the "right" to express their kink in public spaces.
  • BDSM & Rape - what now? - a great round-up by Charlie Glickman, looking at how to reduce/prevent sexual assault within the BDSM community.

Sex work

  • If you ever find yourself in an argument on sex work and feminism, this essay might come in handy - an excellent answer to the question is sex work anti-feminist? (TLDR; no.)
  • While I was in Germany, controversy on sex work and motherhood abounded as Furry Girl aggressively challenged Madison Young on her use of images featuring her newborn. I briefly engaged with the debate on twitter as it first unfolded, but it's been covered in far more detail since. Brief roundup: Maggie Mayhem explains eloquently why "paedophile" is not an accusation to be made lightly; Furry Girl's statement defending her stance; media write-up by Salon magazine and finally, Madison's artist statement for the work in question.
  • Broadly, I'm with Madison on this one - I don't think being a sex worker makes every creative expression in your whole life sexual or pornographic by default; I think parents and guardians have the right to consent to childrens' appearance in art, even political art; I don't think there's anything intrinsically wrong with having sex or sexual conversations near, around or in the same room as very young children (although Madison's 'crime' was merely including her child in an educational event about sexuality), and I think it's highly offensive to suggest that this is in any way comparable to paedophilia. All of this has inevitably triggered thoughts and conversations on sex, sex work and parenting, and some of those thoughts are expressed in my comment on Kitty Stryker's "To breed or not to breed" post here.


Female gaze

  • I loved this retro-style pinup set of men wearing and doing stereotypically masculine things - but posing in the style of classic cheesecake. It's like a cross between cheesecake and beefcake. Mmm, cake.
  • Blue by clickandclash, on Flickr

  • Another interesting female gaze link for you: a website devoted to selling fancy bedroom wear for men to wear to please their lady friends, full of photos of ultra-buff masculine models flaunting lacy and silky underthings. It's cross-dressing, but it's not feminising; a fascinating double ground to try and inhabit. I particularly enjoyed the "Fantasy" section, although I admit I was disappointed that the "Iron Man corset" didn't feature look like actual Iron Man armour.

    But - sculpted latex superhero corsetry for men, though! If it existed, that would actually be awesome.

Whatever you do, don't click here.


Weekend Hyperlinks, or Weekend HyperKINKS?

Can't it be both? :)

Interesting links, that's one of the reasons I find your blog easy to read. On the BDSM and intimacy link I agree with the author that often BDSM play is devoid of feeling.As a submissive man I certainly enjoy the beatings, bondage and associated pleasures more when done by someone I respect and have a relationship with. I wouldn't refuse to take part with any one else but it is a great deal more fun when my mistress is doing it (or telling someone else to do it to me which also ties into the questionnaire in one of the other links). Having said that, I wouldn't be taking part unless she had given permission anyway.
On sex workers rights, as mentioned in the link about sex work and feminism, I feel that it is a great shame that society does not allow these workers (of either sex) the same rights as any other workers. One of the reasons I enjoy your blog is that it is not afraid to talk about these issues and is not afraid to politicise them.

What a very interesting subject the whole breastfeeding/art/eroticism one is.

I notice that the femina potens write-up reminds us that "Breast feeding is not new to the art world" but doesn't mention the numerous Madonna and Child images that feature the Virgin nursing baby Jesus, which is surely where the theme ultimately derives from (or perhaps it started with Isis). Are these sacred images any more or less eroticised than the picture of Madison Young that is being complained about? Is it simply the fact that she does porn that upset people?

Furry Girl's argument seems bonkers but I think I can get where she's coming from. Anti-porn campaigners will seize on anything to make a spurious link between adult consumption of erotica and abuse of children. Here's a good piece by Marty Klein on a recent attempt to portray adult porn as some sort of gateway drug to paedophilia:


But to argue as FG does is to accept the existence or plausibility of the link and also to fall into a simplistic binary opposition between sex and motherhood (Madonna v Whore) which isn't just wrong but damaging.

Isis, Kourotrophos, and I think there's at least one Babylonian nursing mother figurine. It's a resonant human image, and there's always been an association between eroticism and fertility. I think modern attitudes are unusual and unhealthy in their fixation on breasts as erotic. The idea that breasts are always erotic is why so many "family-friendly" public spaces/websites disallow breastfeeding; we don't currently acknowledge that breasts can be nurturing and not erotic depending on context.

Madison is obviously playing with this and proposing that breasts can be both, just as the rest of her body and self can be both. I don't always agree with Madison's PR strategies but the theory behind her work tends to be sound, and her exploding of the Madonna/whore binary is one of the best things about it. I'm disappointed that a pro-sex activist as radical as FG should fall down at this hurdle, but the level of hostility behind her response suggests to me that there's a personal trigger here, and more going on than mere political disagreement.


The benefit of mediation in cases of divorce is the efficacy in solving conflicts out.Figure out the way that it operates, exactly what it charges, and also more.

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