Posted at 18:31 on 19 Feb 2012 by Pandora / Blake
Others have written before about the ways in which play begets more play. I don't know why I didn't expect that going fulltime as a pornographer would boost the amount of kink in my life. I knew I'd be looking at more of it on my computer screen, but I thought I'd be more of a geeky hermit as a result. For some reason, I didn't predict that putting out kinky, creative energy every day would strengthen my connections with likeminded friends and provide more opportunities for play.
I've noticed that since my website launch I've felt a new self assurance, a confidence that has fed into my burgeoning toppy energy, but also a sort of centredness. I imagine that this makes me better company than the anxious urgency I felt prior to launch.
This last week has overflowed with spanking to the extent that I can't quite believe it. In the past, when people have assumed that the life of a spanking performer is full of kinky adventure I've always been quick to correct them, pointing out that vanilla work, long distance relationships and health problems mean that performer's lives aren't, on average, that different from anyone else's. But this week, it's actually been true. I feel almost embarrassed about it, knowing how many people don't have the opportunity to express their spanking kink. Mostly, however, I feel fucking grateful.
Saturday It started last weekend, at a post-clubbing afterparty. Invited to a friend's house when the club closed, I almost said no thankyou, knowing that I had a couple of hours of work to do on my website later, and not wanting to have that hanging over me all day. Then I had a better idea. I dragged D home after the club, made some tea, and spent two hours doing all my essential web work while he ate breakfast and read a book. Then at 8am we put our coats back on and went out to rejoin the party. Work instead of sleep! How grown-up is that? I felt like a fucking champion.
After a pleasant few hours relaxing with friends, Zoe Montana had the bright idea of going to Rio's, the naturist spa in Kentish Town. I'd heard great things about this infamously seedy London establishment, but had never visited it before. The group consisted of five, in the end: our host, Zoe, her girlfriend Issy, me and D. We spent seven hours soaking in the hot water, enjoying the sauna and steam rooms, and frolicking in the hot tubs. Zoe and I were the reprobates who spanked each other in the large pool. Overall, we were one of those annoying, raucous groups giggling and talking and messing about while our fellow spa users tried to relax. Mostly they were unaccompanied men, and although I'm sure some of them found us annoying, others seemed to enjoy the free entertainment.
Towards the end of the evening we went in search of a heated private room for a cuddle and wind-down, which somehow turned into a five person naked bodyslide using pretty much an entire bottle of baby oil. Oh, and more spankings, naturally.
Tuesday On Tuesday I spent the day shooting with the good folks of Spanking Sarah, having met Sarah briefly for the first time last month. Her partner I know from past shoots with English Spankers and Sound Punishment. It was great to get to know Sarah a bit better and to meet the mischeivous Katie, and by the end of the day I'd been pretty much spanked by everyone, to my satisfaction. As well as a spanking and paddling from Sarah, I got a strong, exhilarating caning from Mr Stern as part of the Sarah Sly storyline, and a very hard, fast over the knee spanking from Katie.
Some preview stills from my scene for the Unladylike Manor series, in which I play an unauthorised undercover cop who poses as a housekeeper to expose Sarah's spanking ways, but is thoroughly outwitted, framed and blackmailed by her.
Not only was I soundly beaten, but I got to spank a gorgeous girl as well: the lovely Jenna Jay.
Then on Tuesday evening, D and I headed over to Jacq's place with a bag full of steaks, wine and sex toys to wish her a happy Valentine's day. The most memorable part of the evening, for me, was using a strap-on for the first time, but there was some spanking too. Specifically, D giving Jacq her first taste of the belt, and teaching her not to tell me her fantasies unless she wants them to come true. He gave me my fair share too - purely in a spirit of spankee solidarity, you understand.
A satisfyingly kinky day, all in all.
Wednesday My right shoulder started to hurt on Tuesday evening. On Wednesday it was even worse. I hadn't been particularly mean to Jacq, and the only explanation I could think of is that I'd strained it spanking Jenna. It continued to be painful for a couple of days. Inconvenient, but I'm not actually complaining.
Thursday On Thursday afternoon I'd booked Tom and photographer Tricia Sullivan for a Dreams of Spanking video shoot:
Tom and I had been planning a couple of bedroom videos expressing the more extended play we enjoy in private, and it made sense to film each one on different days, so that my bottom would be fresh each time, and we could generate some pretty marks without having to worry about them showing up in subsequent scenes.
On Thursday, I wanted to film a hard, extended hand spanking on the bottom and thighs. No complex storyline, no elaborate plot: just Tom and I indulging our shared kink. He warmed me up thoroughly and spanked me pretty seriously for about half an hour, culminating in a very hard, fast spanking while he trapped my legs with his thigh. The whole thing was captured on film through a variety of camera angles by the talented Tricia. It was intense, and the result was pretty dramatic. Two days later, I still have bruises down each thigh.
Check out those purple marks on my thighs!
After the shoot it was the Dreams of Spanking launch party, a lovely pub gathering with some of my favourite people. I felt that it was entirely appropriate to attend my own site launch party with a sore bottom!
When people had gone home and it was just Tom, D, Jacq and me left, we headed back to the flat. Making up for not having done so on Tuesday, I took Jacq over my knee and delighted in being able to make her squirm and wriggle with my hand. Jacq endured the onslaught bravely; so much so that I didn't find out that I'd made her cry until she told me later. The sadist part of me was gratified by this testament to the effectiveness of my technique, but mostly I was sorry I'd done so accidentally. If I'm making someone cry, I'd like it to be deliberate - and I'd like to be sufficiently aware to realise it at the time.
Also on Thursday night, Tom started teaching me how to whip someone with a belt, using Jacq as a training toy. I found the shortened belt, wrapped a couple of times around my palm, quite straightforward to learn. Unwound once to reveal more length, I couldn't get the hang of it. Knowing how ugly a belt can be when used inaccurately, I put it down before any harm was done. Tom took over, and I found myself taking over as demonstration model as he showed Jacq a couple more belt tricks, including using alternating forehand and backhand to lay symmetrical stripes across both buttocks.
Friday A new bruise on my right palm could only have been gained spanking Jacq. Proof that it really was harder than I'd realised! It turns out that now I'm getting the hang of hand spanking, I need to learn the art of the warm up before going full force.
I learned that I'd made Jacq cry when I saw her at the pub that evening - bless her, she hadn't wanted to make me feel bad by telling me at the time. She also told me that she'd enjoyed the punchy thud of the shortened belt much more than the whippy sting of the longer one, which is convenient, considering.
I still have bruises from Tom's hand on my thighs, and the bruise from Jacq's bottom on my hand. My first two injuries as a spanker, both in one week.
This weekend, unusually, has been relatively spanking free so far, although I'm overdue a punishment session with D which will probably happen this evening. And tomorrow, I'm seeing Zoe and Issy again for a girly evening and an F/F video shoot for my site.
I'm trying not to be smug about my good fortune. I still feel sort of bewildered by it. Mostly, I feel incredibly fortunate not only that I get to spend every day creatively expressing my spanking kink, but that doing so fulltime has fueled and expanded my interest in spanking. I'm having a real honeymoon with that part of my sexuality at the moment, and coming into my switchy identity is giving me a new perspective on familiar acts, and a new enthusiasm for all sides of it.
I feel very blessed right now. Everything fits together: the passion for spanking I'm communicating through my site is genuine and heartfelt, every day. If I get spanking fever from editing films and photos, I rarely have many days to wait before getting the chance to satisfy my urge. Making spanking porn feeds my desire, and my desire feeds back into my porn. It's real and beautiful, every part of my life resonating in harmony. I feel like this is exactly how being a pornographer should be.