Posted at 23:57 on 11 Mar 2012 by Pandora / Blake
As you all probably know by now, when I'm punished on video I like it to be for a good reason. I don't enjoy bratting in my personal play - being "naughty" or the guilty feeling of being caught holds little interest for me. I can't stand scenarios where I'm meant to have done something stupid, inexplicable or annoying. With my doms I'm a good girl, and in my fantasies I'm a brave, noble heroine (and sometimes the other way round). Being martyred for a righteous action, unfairly punished for something I didn't do, blackmailed or caught in a catch-22 - all these situations work for me. If I must have deserved my punishment, I prefer it if the misdeed is at least creative, amusing, or justified from my character's point of view.
Humiliation play is some people's kink. I prefer play that centres around pride.
The weird thing is that there's one notable exception to this preference of mine. In some cases, I'll throw myself into a scenario which is precisely the opposite of the ones described above. Sometimes, I like to play a character whose actions I find especially abhorrent, and let the top's character represent my own personal opinion.
My first Spanked in Uniform scene for the South West Police Station series is a particularly good example.
On my first shoot with SIU, Mike asked me to come up with a scenario for the police series. It was 2009, only a few weeks after the police had kettled and beaten protestors at the G20 summit in the City of London. At the highest levels, police chiefs devolved blame onto 'individual rogue officers', but none of the individual officers in question could be held accountable because none of them had been wearing their ID tags. I was closely involved with the activists who campaigned against their mistreatment in the wake of the protests.
Asked to play a police constable being punished for some wrongdoing, I realised this was what I wanted the scene to be about. I didn't want to be punished for getting drunk on duty, slacking off or being lazy or stupid. I'd researched both sides of the ID tag issue and was confident I could represent the police point of view. But ultimately, I wasn't interested in playing this scene for the sake of devil's advocate. I wanted to do it because it was inevitable that my character would lose.
After weeks of campaigning which would, ultimately, be fruitless in a society inured to police corruption, there was something deeply satisfying about roleplaying a rule-breaking police officer who assumed they'd get away with it as usual, but this time actually gets their comeuppance.
You hear quite a lot about spankees finding it cathartic to revisit actual wrongdoing which they still feel guilty about, get punished for something "real" and feel better and more able to move on. I've never really wanted to do that on video, but it turns out that I quite enjoy revisiting actions by others which I'm still angry about, and receive a punishment on their behalf. This is particularly true of oppressive acts by those in power. I imagine I'd find it equally cathartic and satisfying to play a corrupt politician spanked for taking bribes or rigging an election, especially if there'd been an egregious example in the news recently.
I don't want to be humiliated as myself. But being humiliated in the place of someone I think deserves it, and thereby making a political statement of sorts - that works fine for me.
Actually, the scene ended up being a bit more complex than that. At the most basic level, my character was clearly in the wrong, she received a hard punishment for it and quite right too. Very satisfactory all round. But when PC Blake claimed that "everyone was doing it", Chief Johnson demanded that she name the other members of her squad who had failed to wear their ID tags. Blake refused, and thus an interrogation-type punishment began, escalating in severity until she gave him the names. By this point PC Blake knew she was already in for it and was determined to protect her colleagues. So although, out of character, I was very much on the Chief's side in this battle of wills, I was also able to empathise enough with my character's position to hold her ground. She may have been breaking the rules along with everyone else, but at least she wasn't going to betray her friends.
The fact that PC Blake's stubborn, misguided loyalty meant she got whacked more was, of course, entirely beside the point.