How to charm a spanking performer

Posted at 16:31 on 17 Apr 2012 by Pandora / Blake

Tags: Performers and producers

I have achieved Fetlife inbox zero! This doesn't happen often. I get a lot of messages on Fetlife, and I've never been sure if that makes me lucky or unlucky. Fetlife is great for sharing photos, connecting with other industry people, socialising with play partners after a scene, and getting to know kinksters who'll be going to a particular event. I've used Fetlife messages for important social communication and work correspondence. Sometimes I get unsolicited messages from people who end up becoming real friends. But I have to wade through a lot of crap in between.

For whatever reason, I don't receive awful emails as often as other performers. But Fetlife brings them all to the surface. And a full inbox bugs me, so from time to time I have to clear it out. Here are the craziest messages from the most recent batch:

kisses and greetings bdsm

Um... my name is Pandora, not 'bdsm'.

i am interesting about Humiliation, degradation, verbal abuse, mental bondage, TPE....

Are you really? Well, I'm very boring about those things. Ask anyone.

And the next line:

Tell me more about you, what are you doing in life, what are your passions, what are you into?

Dude, I have a profile page for a reason. And a blog. And a website. If you're really interested in finding out about me, take the time to read what I've already put out there, and maybe say hello in the comments. Don't assume I have the time to re-write a whole bunch of stuff for you personally. I don't even know you.

Relatedly:

hi, baby. Can you tell me more about you, baby?

Ga! Ba ba goo goo ba ... Okay, I'm grossing myself out now. Dude, I am not your baby. Also, see above.

Hello mistress I'm very new to all this, but was wondering if u fancy a toy boy to use and abuse lolx

New? You don't say. Here's three tips to help you get started. 1. No stranger on the internet is your mistress. Try addressing people by their name instead. 2. If you must proposition people that bluntly, limit it to people you've already had conversations with, who have shown interest in you as a person, and who are into what you're asking them to do. 3. 'Lol' is not punctuation.

Well Im not quite sure what I should say to be honest. Ive honestly had terrible experiences on fetish sites in general. I dont trust anyone anymore it sucks.

This is not a good opener for an unsolicited correspondence. If you don't know what to say, why are you bothering? Maybe the reason you've had terrible experiences on fetish sites is that you're whiny, manipulative and passive aggressive?

hi sexy lady, how ya doing?

When guys I don't know say this to me in the street, it's called sexual harassment, and I tell them to fuck off. On the internet, I have this amazing technology: a delete button.

Do you think I have a fat ass for a guy?

Well hello Mr Polite, what a courteous greeting that is! Nice to meet you too. I'm not going to bother looking at your pics, but sure, if that's what you want to hear: yes. Yes you do.

Comments

Genius! I am very much with you on these messages. If it makes you feel better I get them by TEXT on my phone. It does make me smile though.

L xxx

Well, it could be worse. :-) Most of the comments I get on Fetlife are from guys who profess to love large asses. I have no problem with guys liking large asses, but I fail to understand why they think this should be the first thing they should tell me, or that I will find this comment at all flattering. (Hint: telling a woman she has a beautiful ass is a much better idea!) Of course, to be fair, my ass is pretty much the only part I show on Fetlife, so how could they know anything more about me?!

I remember being very nervous about writing to spanking performers when I was first exploring the spanking blogosphere, and I was always shocked when people like you and The Artist Formerly Known As Niki Flynn took the time to write back encouragingly. Now, thanks to FetLife, I understand why. Mere courtesy and an interest in the person, as can be demonstrated by paying attention to that person's writings, definitely make an e-mail or message stand out from background...

A hilarious post! You and Erica would be a great team, Pandora. ;-) I told Ludwig to read your post as well. He laughed a lot about your comments, but also told me how happy he is not to be on Fetlife.

HAHAHAHA! Ah, I don't feel quite so alone now. :-) What they lack in charm they make up for in entertainment, no?

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