Evolution

Posted at 14:24 on 17 Jul 2012 by Pandora / Blake

Tags: D, kink, Molly Malone, Performers and producers, Photos, switching, Zoe Montana

Long long ago, in the mists of time, I defined my boundaries as a spanking professional. I'd decided early on that I wasn't comfortable offering private ('121' in scene lingo) sessions. The question of spanking parties helped me to resolve my boundaries more precisely.

I drew a line which was a compromise between my own comfort zone and that of my boyfriend D*, and the line was this: I wouldn't do any spanking work where the person paying me was paying to spank me. Being paid by the person who was spanking me was fine if the end product was a video or photo set, but if the end product was a sexy experience for the spanker, that was outside my personal comfort zone. Basically, I wanted to establish a professional identity as a performer, and not a personal service provider.

* I consulted Tom too; he had no preference and was happy for me to do whatever I wanted.

I've heard second-hand that some people have got the wrong end of the stick about this decision, so I'll make it clear now: I've never thought I was somehow 'better' than people who did sessions. It was outside my personal comfort zone, and that was all it ever was. Actually for most of that time I've looked up to spanking professionals who have the confidence, social skills and self-knowledge to offer one-to-one sessions. I have huge admiration for anyone who's that good with people.

I've been growing and learning ever since that initial decision not to offer personal services, and my perspective on kink and the sex industry is still evolving. Six years on, I'm a different person with more experience and more confidence. I'm an advocate for sex workers' rights, and have done a lot of reading and thinking about sex work and freedom of choice. I've embraced my inner top and started identifying as a switch. I'm a business owner, a director and producer as well as a performer. I'm far more sure of my own preferences and boundaries, and far more willing and able to clearly express them. At the same time I have a more realistic sense of how little I know and, relatively, how little experience I have; I'm both more sure of my tastes and more open-minded about trying new things.

I've always had friends who offered personal spanking services, but for most of the last few years the closest of those has been Zoe Montana. It was in 2009 that she first asked if I would be interested in coming along to one of her sessions. She knew that I didn't want to be spanked by her clients, but she told me that several of them would enjoy having me along for the ride regardless. Here was her suggestion: she would advertise a roleplay scenario in which Ms Montana the headmistress called a naughty boy and girl into her office. During the session, she would punish both me and the client. I'd be paid for my time as a performer putting on a little live show with my friend Zoe, and I'd join in with the roleplay and hopefully help create a stimulating, immersive experience for the chap. He'd get to watch and be watched, but he wouldn't touch me.

I said that sounded like fun, and D said he didn't see why not, so Zoe and I met up a handful of times with different gentlemen. I got to meet various fellows on the scene, and found most of them interesting and easy to get on with. I learned a lot from watching Zoe put them at ease, subtly manage the flow of a scene, and clearly maintain her boundaries while always seeming easy-going and flirtatious.

It turned out that I really enjoyed not only the roleplay and having an audience while getting spanked by Zoe, but I also loved to watch her spanking men. Above all, I loved the opportunity to talk to different people about their spanking kink. I heard some fascinating stories, became increasingly aware of my own good fortune in having regular spanking relationships, and found it genuinely fulfilling to play a small role in providing a beneficial, therapeutic, sexy spanking experience for someone who really needed it.

When Zoe went back to Australia in early 2010, my friend Annabel Trotwood and I teamed up to offer 221s on a similar basis. Last year, as my interest in switching increased, I had my first try at topping clients in these sessions, and absolutely loved it.

These encounters were sporadic: every other month at most, and usually far more irregular than that. But I enjoyed them. I realised that I'd really like the chance to try more things, like switching with a client, or meeting up with people one-to-one. It was time for me to sit down with D and have another chat about our boundaries.

We talked it over a few weeks ago. I explained that I still had no interest in offering private sessions as a spankee, but that I was increasingly interested in doing so as a switch. Something about the expectations, the equal power balance, made the idea much more appealing than a one-way interaction. D said that he still wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea for various reasons, but he would respect my wishes if I wanted to go ahead and try it.

He gave his permission for a small number of initial experiments to see how I got on. Those were a group switch scene with Molly and a couple of mutual friends (both of whom, as it happened, I'd already played with just for fun, which made the whole thing feel a lot safer) and a couple of one-offs in Texas. We'd check in with each other afterwards and let each other know how we felt.

As I suspected, playing in a group with Molly is pure delight. It's sheer pleasure; it doesn't feel like work at all. I would gladly do that any day.

In the end I had three 121 sessions in Texas: two booked in advance with online friends, and a third arranged spontaneously during the weekend itself. They offered a nice mixture of personalities and styles, from in-depth roleplay to casual back-and-forth. And I learned more about my preferences:

1. Switching really does make all the difference to me. I love topping, but (at this point in my life) I'm not a domme. Switch roleplays in which one character turns the tables - or just cheerfully exchanging beatings with a like-minded enthusiast - suits me perfectly. Outside my existing relationships, the play partners that interest me at the moment are fellow switches, and it turns out the same is true in a professional context.

2. I found the actual spanking to be the easiest part of a session; the part I found hardest was the socialising. Don't get me wrong, everyone I've met up with so far has been lovely. It's just that I'm not the greatest people person in the world, and talking to people I don't know very well is fun but tiring. I enjoy it, I hope I'm not too bad at it, but it wears me out a bit. The sessions I've most enjoyed so far have been with the people I'd already spent a certain amount of time talking to. As a result, I think I'd prefer to mostly do 121s with people I already know.

Other than that, my Texas encounters confirmed what I already knew: that I love feeling like I've helped someone connect with their kink in a positive way, I love spanking eager bottoms and talking about spanking, and I'm still a bit picky about who I let spank me.

The upshot of all this, having talked further with D, is that Molly and I have just started advertising switch 221s in London and Surrey. Unlike my previous ventures into the scene, these sessions will include the opportunity to spank me - as long as you're prepared to offer your own bottom in return. You can also watch Molly and I punish each other if you like, which as you can imagine is a terrible hardship for both of us. I'm also potentially interested in booking occasional 121s with fellow switches if I feel we click.

So there you have it. Pandora, who always made a point of never offering private sessions, now sort of is. If you have any questions, ask away.

Comments

Congratulations, Pandora. It's been fascinating to see your evolution over the years that I've been an admirer and fan of yours. I applaud this step, not because it's something I desired to see and I certainly wouldn't be against it, but because it sounds like this is what you want to do. It also seems clear that you're going into this with eyes wide open, as it were, carefully considering things and working with your partners and friends. To me, this is all very exciting and very healthy indeed.

As far as questions, nothing comes to mind initially other than whether you'll be advertising your availability for hire. If I'm reading correctly, you're willing to do sessions that involve persons unknown to you if it's not 121, but 2+(?)21 ? But I imagine your plate is so full with DOS productions that advertising might not be prudent.

Best Regards,
Quai

It's possibly been the longest process ever! And I haven't really wanted to talk about it while I was only halfway through, so suddenly there's all this back-story to the decision to try and explain. It's certainly exciting. Although maybe I was too off-putting in talking about who I wanted to play with - I think I've scared everyone off!

Molly and I are going to be advertising our availability for 221s. I don't think I'll advertise individually though - I'll just aim to meet likeminded people through the 221s and through personal recommendation. I don't really have the time to try and filter online messages for people I think I might click with.

No hurry! Looking forward to hearing your ideas as and when. And yes, that sounds like it might be fun - feel free to drop me an email if you want to discuss possibilities :)

I expected it would be a surprise, and I wasn't sure if some people would be bitter about it. When "no private session" was my boundary I had such difficulty convincing people of it that I suspect it often came across a bit strong. Actually it's been something I've been thinking about for a few years, but I wasn't about to say that to the guys who were already trying to push my stated boundaries!

I have no illusions that every session is going to be magical and perfect. Like shooting video, it's work and so you have to do it even if you're not in the mood that day or not feeling your best. And it involves people, and people are unpredictable. I feel a bit like I'm being cowardly by trying to pick and choose, but I'm still learning how this works for me - maybe I'll refine my preferences over time, and maybe I'll get more relaxed and open to meeting up with people I don't know.

Thanks for your support and positivity. This feels like progress for me, and it's really nice that other people seem to see it that way too :)

Thanks for being so constantly supportive of my independence throughout this whole process. It's made it massively easier not to have to juggle two partners' boundaries in this context, and I'm really grateful to you for being open to letting this one go where it would. Love you. x

Fantastic, I hope we can play together some day. :)
PS- I haven’t forgotten about writing a scene suggestion for DOS. I’ve just been busy lately.

No hurry! Looking forward to hearing your ideas as and when. And yes, that sounds like it might be fun - feel free to drop me an email if you want to discuss possibilities :)

I expected it would be a surprise, and I wasn't sure if some people would be bitter about it. When "no private session" was my boundary I had such difficulty convincing people of it that I suspect it often came across a bit strong. Actually it's been something I've been thinking about for a few years, but I wasn't about to say that to the guys who were already trying to push my stated boundaries!

I have no illusions that every session is going to be magical and perfect. Like shooting video, it's work and so you have to do it even if you're not in the mood that day or not feeling your best. And it involves people, and people are unpredictable. I feel a bit like I'm being cowardly by trying to pick and choose, but I'm still learning how this works for me - maybe I'll refine my preferences over time, and maybe I'll get more relaxed and open to meeting up with people I don't know.

Thanks for your support and positivity. This feels like progress for me, and it's really nice that other people seem to see it that way too :)

Thanks for being so constantly supportive of my independence throughout this whole process. It's made it massively easier not to have to juggle two partners' boundaries in this context, and I'm really grateful to you for being open to letting this one go where it would. Love you. x

Hi Pandora

While I confess that I'm surprised to read this (although I'm not sure why, as I only know you from your blog and our periodic bursts of emailing), I can only applaud your decision to stretch your boundaries.

I really like this article, the way that your transition is gradual and evolutionary, and I also love that D has been fully consulted at each step.

I hope that this works out well for you, and that you are not discouraged when you have the odd less than optimal experience, as I suspect is bound to happen even when you're picky about who you see.

So, congratulations on moving forward.

All the best

Tim

I expected it would be a surprise, and I wasn't sure if some people would be bitter about it. When "no private session" was my boundary I had such difficulty convincing people of it that I suspect it often came across a bit strong. Actually it's been something I've been thinking about for a few years, but I wasn't about to say that to the guys who were already trying to push my stated boundaries!

I have no illusions that every session is going to be magical and perfect. Like shooting video, it's work and so you have to do it even if you're not in the mood that day or not feeling your best. And it involves people, and people are unpredictable. I feel a bit like I'm being cowardly by trying to pick and choose, but I'm still learning how this works for me - maybe I'll refine my preferences over time, and maybe I'll get more relaxed and open to meeting up with people I don't know.

Thanks for your support and positivity. This feels like progress for me, and it's really nice that other people seem to see it that way too :)

Thanks for being so constantly supportive of my independence throughout this whole process. It's made it massively easier not to have to juggle two partners' boundaries in this context, and I'm really grateful to you for being open to letting this one go where it would. Love you. x

Very proud of you, my love :) Both for the article and the evolution itself. It's been an honour to be there as you've achieved it.

Thanks for being so constantly supportive of my independence throughout this whole process. It's made it massively easier not to have to juggle two partners' boundaries in this context, and I'm really grateful to you for being open to letting this one go where it would. Love you. x

Hello Pandora,

A very impressive story indeed, I read it with great interest and admiration. The thing that strikes me is that you take the time to consider what you really want, you think about what your limits are and you discuss these things with people you care about. Sounds perfectly sane to me. Main question always remains: 'do I feel comfortable in what i'm doing?' - and if you're not, nobody can force you to.

Sure look forward meeting you!

with respectful kisses,

JohnPaul

[...] there’s my recent foray into the world of private sessions, which has been a whirlwind of new faces and experiences. [...]

Your friend Molly is obviously a very adept caner - that's a beautiful set of stripes in the final picture.

Always remember switches are twice as much fun and have twice as much fun ;-)

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