Posted at 20:06 on 10 Oct 2013 by Pandora / Blake
I wrote yesterday about a couple of recent scenes with D that brought me to tears. Tears during spanking are both often sought after and misunderstood. Some people seem to build them up as a sort of ultimate signifier of severity. You know: if you don't cry, it wasn't hard enough; if you cry it must have been really bad. But as my experiences with D show, tears can be triggered by the lightest of spankings. It can be simply about your emotional state going into a scene, the trust between you and your spanking partner, a feeling of helplessness or vulnerability.
I sometimes receive emails from submissive clients asking if I can make them cry in a scene. This request is usually framed as being about "pushing their limits", but tears and limits are by no means synonymous. Actually, pushing my limits is generally an empowering experience for me, a challenge of my strength, and rarely associated with the fragile, vulnerable headspace in which I'm likely to cry.
Crying during spanking is, I think, fundamentally about letting go. If you are trying to control yourself, your reactions, or the scene itself, you're unlikely to cry.
In my experience tears are a signifier not of severity, but of surrender. They mean you like and trust your top enough to be comfortable being emotionally (as well as physically) vulnerable with them.
But other than that, there are lots of reasons we might cry during a spanking. It might mean the spankee has reached the point of accepting, rather than resisting, a difficult scene. Tears can also be a response to panic - for instance if the strokes are falling a little too fast, low or high for comfort. Tears might be an expression of feeling completely helpless and vulnerable, of not "being able to take it" (although of course crying while spanking is taking it; tears don't mean we're any less brave). They might arise from feeling frustrated or stressed; or alternatively from a sensation of sanctuary or relief.
Whatever the reason, crying during spanking can be emotionally cathartic and cleansing. Like crying at the end of a good yoga session, it can provide a way of releasing the tension and emotion you have been storing in your body, leaving you feeling cleansed, emptied and refreshed. This can be a very vulnerable experience, so if it happens to you or your partner, I would always make a little extra time for aftercare and hugs.
There's nothing wrong or worrying about crying from spanking. If you feel like crying, cry! It can be a beautiful and authentic part of a spanking experience. But I would never deliberately set out to make it happen, or try to force it. As with orgasm, trying too hard can get in the way, especially if we start to feel self-conscious or anxious. It's better to go with the flow and accept things as they come. Each time is different.
I'm spanked to tears in my latest film at Dreams of Spanking, in which I bring to life one of my edgiest fantasies, a dark, non-consensual domestic belt whipping in which I play the bratty teenage daughter and Tom plays the role of daddy. I couldn't use any of those words on the website, of course, but I'm hoping I can sneak the video in without my billing processor taking notice.
My belt whipping fantasy features lots of kicking, struggling, and begging, and the whipping proceeds regardless for over 100 very hard strokes. The floodgates opened around stroke 80. My resistance had been broken down, I was already surrendering and sorry, and a particularly low, hard stroke to the thighs tipped me over the edge. I began to heave real, genuine sobs and tears streamed down my face. The punishment continued regardless, of course, which is exactly the way I wanted it. But I did get lots of cuddles afterwards. And, of course, dozens of photos taken, which is totally a valid form of aftercare if you're me.