Posted at 14:04 on 6 Mar 2013 by Pandora / Blake
2013 has been a good year so far. Good, but busy. I'm always juggling several workloads, and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way - I thrive on variety, and switching my focus regularly from project to project helps keep me fresh and motivated.
Since October I've been living alone in a spacious ground floor flat right on the north edge of London, an Edwardian conversion with a lovely garden. I love it. The flat; and the living alone, which suits me extremely well. I like inviting people back and then having the place to myself again. I like how once I've tidied it, it stays tidy until I mess it up. I like being able to just get work done until it's finished without having to worry about ignoring anyone. No doubt living with partners again is part of my future, but I can see myself staying here for a while, a couple of years at least.
Partly in order to afford the rent, I've been sessioning a lot the last few months. I've really connected with my dominant side recently, and I feel like I've finally found my voice as a top. Top sessions make me very, very happy. I enjoy switch dynamics with some clients, but for the most part what I want to do is top, top, top. The more I do it, the more it whets my appetite. It's the perfect outlet for the desires I can't express within my current relationships, and great training for playing top roles on video.
I've been doing more of that, too, spanking both men and women on recent shoots for Dreams of Spanking. Few things make me feel more lucky.
I've just come back from a relatively large-scale production for Dreams of Spanking, which I'd spent several weeks planning. I'd also been saving up my earnings from sessions in February to pay for it. Two days, three spankees and one crew member plus me in a beautiful London location. We got a lot done, but I overreached myself a bit, casting myself as the top in most of the scenes (my budget couldn't quite stretch to hiring another performer), and not leaving myself enough time to do important behind the scenes work. I am learning my limits still. But we got good work done, thanks to the talent and hard work of everyone else on set. I'm particularly indebted to Hywel Phillips.
So that was a big deal, and now that it's wrapped I'm enjoying having a little more free time to spend on other things. Since I got home my living room has been brightened by the beautiful early daffodils Caroline Grey gave me. I love her to bits.
That will be my last big shoot for a while, but I have various small ones planned around the schedules of favourite international performers who are visiting the UK this year. Alex Reynolds is coming to stay with me next week, and we'll be shooting together for both Dreams of Spanking and Nimue's World. We're also doing a day of 221 sessions and have two afternoon appointments left, so shout if you're interested in getting spanked alongside Alex, or spanking us both - or both!
What else? I'm attending Boardwalk Badness Weekend in Atlantic City this April, where I will be sharing a room with Jade of Kink and Poly. I'm taking bookings for switch and top sessions while I'm there, and I've also been hired for a couple of spanking shoots, including a day with Punished Brats alongside the lovely Leia Ann Woods, which I am ridiculously excited about, and some scenes with Dana Kane and Sarah Gregory.
So I'll be doing a lot more topping this year, one way or another. Sessions are providing a lot of inspiration for video; I keep on putting together hot toppy outfits, or playing amazing roleplays, and then making a mental note to try and recreate them on camera. I don't have any official "domme" photos of me yet, but here are some snaps from recent sessions of me in top mode:
I still want and need to be spanked, of course, and go a bit nuts if I go too long between getting whacked. But interestingly, I've discovered that it's only certain spankings, by a select few, that scratch the itch. At this point in my life it feels right to bottom to my boyfriends; on spanking shoots; and to a few chosen friends at play parties. That's enough for me.
It's only my boyfriends I ever feel actually submissive towards: with everyone else, even when I'm bottoming, I'm often cheerfully toppy. And you know what? I'm okay with that.
Alongside all this personal evolution, I've also been working on my physique; eating healthily, cutting back on booze, and spending time on yoga and weightlifting to try and improve my strength and flexibility. The drinking thing was actually because I identified it as a trigger for my anxiety, but I'm sure it's having physical benefits too. It's nice to have a bit more muscle tone, and I think it's even starting to show in photos - although it's hard to make enough time, so progress is slow. I've also been enjoying other forms of movement, picking up my hula hoop again and taking up parkour training with D. (I even tried to combine the two the other day, with hilarious results.)
Overall, I feel like I'm a good place right now. I've healed from the traumas of last year and learned from the mistakes, I'm enjoying my independence and continuing to work on self-improvement. There have been stresses too of course, as life is never plain sailing, but I know I'm doing the best I can, and I feel increasingly resilient.
So I'm busy, and happy, but it's not all been work work work. My other aim for this year is to settle down into more of a routine and schedule in more relaxation time. Gardening, painting, exercise, holidays and festivals are all things I didn't do enough of last year. So I've booked a real, actual holiday in June, not a work trip, an actual holiday in France with Tom and my parents. I'll also have some quality time away in August and, hopefully, a week later in the year as well.
D has also been working hard this year, on a contract with an unpleasantly long commute, and so my time with him has been limited to weekends. This has actually been really good for me; it's forced me to be more disciplined with my time, and get all my work done by the end of Friday so I can spend the weekend with him. When you run your own business it's too easy to work through the weekends, as there's always more that needs doing. And when I'm spending time at home with a partner, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking I can "just spend an hour" on my computer finishing up this or that. But if I'm going away for the weekend, I really do have to get everything done before I go. I feel like I've become more efficient and more productive as a result, and no doubt the days off have done me good, too. D and I have spent some lovely weekends going clubbing, working out together, seeing friends, and cuddling.
The weekly date format has also resulted in some quite frankly fantastic sex. Our connection feels very good and strong at the moment. One memorable scene took place the weekend before last, pretty much exactly where I'm sitting, in my lounge on a Friday night. We'd been cuddling together and looking at some new code he'd written for an online shop we're in the process of building for Spanking Princess Kelley, which I'm really excited about. We were kissing, and then he was bending me over with my hands on the sofa and pulling my jeans and knickers down to my knees. He stood back, doubled his black leather belt, and began to whip me. It hurt, and the angle meant my right cheek was getting the brunt of it, but I was so hungry for play with him I ate it all up. Afterwards we indulged in some vigorous fucking on the carpet, followed by steak and snuggling in front of science documentaries. I could get used to dates like that.
By way of proof that I do still love to be spanked, I'll leave you with these pictures from a recent switch session. The nightie was a present from my playmate. Isn't it pretty?