Posted at 09:00 on 24 Jan 2019 by Pandora / Blake
I've got some big news to share... I'm pregnant, and I couldn't be happier about it!
I'm 16 weeks pregnant with a small but already visible bump; the above photo was taken a few days ago. My baby is due in July and I'm ridiculously excited! It's the biggest adventure I've ever been on, and my partner and I are thrilled as we get ready for this next phase of our lives.
Work and wellness
Those of you who have been keeping up with this blog will remember that in I felt very unwell in November and December. At the time I thought it was a combination of burnout and chronic illness. Well, the prognosis turns out to be a million times better! All my symptoms (fatigue, dizziness, brain fog, low blood pressure, headaches, nausea) can be put down to the first trimester of pregnancy - and thankfully, now I'm solidly settled into the second trimester, they are mostly behind me. Everyone's experience of pregnancy is different, and I found the first few months a real struggle. I'm so glad to have my energy back, and incredibly grateful that what initially seemed like a scary chronic illness relapse turned out to have such a wonderful explanation.
I'm back on my feet, and making plans for the biggest year of my life.
I've taken a couple of months off from spanking sessions, and so far this month have been focussing on my porn business and writing my book. Those will continue to be my priorities, but I'm also ready to start easing back into the world of spanking. I've already booked in a limited number of sessions with trusted regulars over the next few weeks.
Sex work, pregnancy and stigma
There's a lot of stigma surrounding doing sex work while pregnant. Maxine Holloway describes the hate mail she received in this incredible interview about her choices to continue sex working throughout her pregnancy. Like Maxine, for me my choice to continue sex work before the babe arrives is partly personal, and part economic.
I've really enjoying my sexuality and the changes to my body throughout my pregnancy. I'm loving my bigger boobs and more dramatic curves, and my cute little growing bump makes me as happy as can be. My sexual relationship with my partner has thrived - even when I was feeling unwell, sex and kink were some of the few things that made me feel good. I've got great pleasure from giving and receiving spanking while pregnant in my private life. I see no reason why I shouldn't continue to do the work I love, in a way that works for me.
What I'm offering
I am offering spanking and BDSM sessions with me in the role of giver. The second trimester is suiting me well: my body is creating extra blood to support my growing baby, I'm continuing my martial arts training, and my body is getting stronger by the day. I feel good, and more than ready to swing a cane! I'm eager for spanking roleplay, erotic BDSM, domination, discipline, friendly whackings, real punishment and everything in between.
Those who have sessioned with me before will know that I am a genuine spanking enthusiast with a passion for all the nuances and complexities of the kink, with skills honed over years of experience, a wicked way with words and a deviously creative mind. I love nurturing my playmates' authenticity and vulnerability, creating a sandbox for us to let our inner selves safely out to play.
Consent is of paramount importance, and I approach even deep power exchange scenes as a collaboration, empowering my playmates to listen for, and ask for, what they truly want, without judgement or shame. My aim is always to leave scene partners feeling good about themselves, and charged up with glowy energy. I frequently help play partners develop their boundaries and communication skills; and I can also offer coaching on request to help clients achieve desired lifestyle changes, either as part of a mutually agreed discipline dynamic, or simply to help them become their best selves.
Right now, I am not offering switch sessions.
Pregnant and non-binary
I'm pregnant, but I'm still non-binary. My gender hasn't changed just because I'm gestating a foetus. It's proving a bit of a minefield navigating antenatal care and reading about pregnancy and childbirth, where everything is steeped in language of woman and mummy, but I've told my midwife the language I prefer (my pronouns are still they/them), and she's being great about it. I'm a pregnant person, a parent-to-be, and I'm looking forward to discovering a cute gender-neutral name for my child to call me.
Unshackled by binary expectations, I've always enjoyed playing with gender expression through sex work. I've loved exploring both masculine and feminine roles with different play partners since coming out as genderqueer. I'm curious to see how this will develop during my pregnancy. Sure, there are all sorts of "mummy" archetypes I can play with now, and I'm eager to subvert the traditional mother/whore binary by sex working while pregnant - but why stop there? Let's queer the mother/father binary too. I can be Mummy for spanking and ABDL play, but I can also be Daddy.
I've been researching transgender experiences of pregnancy, and finding some amazing stories about trans men who gestated and chest-fed their children. But I've only found a handful of posts online about being pregnant while non-binary. So I'm on a nine-month journey of discovery. I don't know what being a horny, kinky, non-binary pregnant person is going to be like until I live it. I want to document my experience by making my own brand of queer pregnancy porn, exploring the way my sexuality manifests within my changing body.
This is research in action - as my pregnancy progresses I'm going to learn more about gender, bodies and eroticism. I'm looking forward to sharing my journey with you!