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5 Ways to Build Trust

Posted at 16:00 on 9 Nov 2020 by Pandora / Blake

As my patrons know, I've just moved house, and am now living in an amazing community with friends. Forming this community has been a powerful experience. It happened surprisingly quickly, from realising during the March lockdown that none of us wanted to live in isolation again, to moving in together at the end of September. In between were five months of weekly Zoom calls, two in-person socially distanced park meets, and some of the richest group work I've ever done. It's transformed the entire way I think about relating. 
 

Several of us have previous experience of attempting to form a community like this, myself included. It turns out that if you want to make it work, you have to do the work - both within yourself, and with the group. We've taken our learnings from our personal experience, from self-development work and our studies into how to form high-functioning relationships, and evolved an organic process which seems to be working really well for us. It's challenging, but so worth it.
 

I've identified five key principles which I think are absolutely essential if you want to build trust and connectedness with people, that will withstand all the difficult things that come up in our lives. In this post I'm going to share them with you, and I hope you find them useful.
 

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Tags: communication, community, power, relationships, trust, vulnerability

3 comments

A Special Announcement

Posted at 15:00 on 25 Oct 2020 by Pandora / Blake

I'm so excited about this news I'm jiggling in my seat! Hold onto your hats (or whatever other part you want) because I've got a very special announcement to make.
As I've been unpacking my stuff in the new house, I've found a box of sexy postcards featuring some of my favourite photography prints from my work over the last decade.  I want to send them to my favourite people - you!
I'm immensely grateful for your belief in my work, your support for my activism and for all the writing I've been able to do this year thanks to you. I want to treat all my Patrons with a handwritten personalised postcard to say thanks!
I'm offering this for a limited time only, from now until Friday 6th November. Anyone who is a patron pledging $5 or more on 6th November will receive a postcard in the mail written by me personally, tucked into a discreet plain envelope.
This is also a super exciting moment though, because I've just got some lovely designs made for a t-shirt. I've been thinking about this all year and I'm thrilled that it's finally happening. I wanted to create a design expressing my political values that I can wear when I'm out and about, and that you can wear too! It's been fun thinking of possible slogans, and I've settled on a Love Heart style design with the words SHAME LESS. 
It's available in three colourways - they're based on the Kink Pride (red, purple and black), Bi Pride (pink, purple and blue) and Trans Pride (blue, white and pink) flags. They're subtle enough that you won't be outing yourself if you don't want to, and they're suitable for shameless allies to wear too! As well as choosing your SHAME LESS colour palette, you also get to choose the size and colour of the t-shirt, produced ethically and responsibly from 185gsm cotton.
Patrons who are at Advocate level (or above) will not only receive a post card, but will also get one of these new t-shirts. Become a cheerleader for yourself and others, supporting my activism against shame culture!

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Tags: Patreon, reward, shame resilience, special offer, t-shirt

0 comments

No, you can't shoot your documentary on my porn set

Posted at 15:00 on 19 Oct 2020 by Pandora / Blake

Image is from Oh Joy Sex Toy, who are definitely not who this post is aimed at.

Over the years many journalists, television producers and documentary makers have wanted to talk to me about my work in the sex industry. In the past I did my best to give them the benefit of the doubt. I’ve spent hours on the phone giving interviews, I’ve helped producers sort out venues and performers for documentary work, I’ve sent backstage content for TV companies to use. I believe strongly in demystifying and destigmatising sex work, and I’ve tried to help when I can.

But I've reached a point where I'm extremely wary when it comes to my dealings with the mainstream media. And I've never once said yes to one of their most common requests: to shoot a behind-the-scenes documentary about ethical pornography on a set where I am the director. 

Keep reading »

Tags: documentary, ethical porn, media, porn, rant

7 comments

What I want

Posted at 15:00 on 5 Oct 2020 by Pandora / Blake

I want a femme daddy. A soft butch top. I want to be nurtured, protected, enveloped in softness.

I want to be spanked soundly, have my hair strokes, and be tucked up in bed.

I want someone I can lean on. Someone who'll say: stay there, I'm coming over. Who will wrap me in a blanket and cook me dinner, massage the knots out of my neck and shoulders.

Right now I'm spending all day in the caregiver role. I work, parent, keep house. I did the physical tasks my partner couldn't do while they were waiting for surgery to resolve their mobility issues, and now I do all the tasks they can't do while they're recovering.  Since lockdown started I've leaned into my strength and endurance, my role as a responsible, reliable, supportive partner and parent.

I'm tired of being load-bearing. I want to be taken care of. I want to be picked up and carried to bed. I want bear hugs and orgasms and cups of tea. I want someone who can hold me in my smallness and vulnerability. I want a big spoon who's into my Little mode, who likes me cute and excitable, who'll lustfully squeeze my bum and kiss me pressed up against the wall. I want a giver with love and energy to spare.

Do I sound ungrateful? My partner is all of these things, when they're well. But chronic pain saps a person. They don't have it to give right now. I try not to complain to them about how their health problems are affecting me. I try to support them and be gentle with them and reassure them it's okay and their needs are valid.

But it does affect me, and I have needs too.

Keep reading »

Tags: dating, dominance & submission, fantasy, pandemic, parenting, polyamory, real life, vulnerability

 

Northern Spanking & ethical spanking porn

Posted at 12:28 on 28 Sep 2020 by Pandora / Blake

I wrote a little while ago about Northern Spanking, one of my favourite spanking sites. They've recently(ish) unveiled a new website that has a lot to offer the online spanking community. It was an honour to be their web designer and make it all happen. I wanted to follow up that post with a closer look at Northern Spanking as a company - who they are, what they do, and why I wish they were still in the UK so I could work with them more.

By the time I appeared on the spanking scene in 2006, Northern Spanking was already well established. They've been going (I think) since the late 90s, and have been pioneers when it comes to ethics, diversity and inclusivity. 

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Tags: ethical porn, Northern Spanking, performers and producers, spanking and bondage porn

1 comment

Diagnosing the secret fetishes of authors

Posted at 15:00 on 21 Sep 2020 by Pandora / Blake

Do you ever read a novel and think, this author is clearly kinky?

I read a lot of sci fi and fantasy. I've started to get quite good at diagnosing the secret fetishes of the author from the way they write. Either these authors are deliberately dropping Easter eggs for like-minded pervs, or they're in the closet and revealing their kink without meaning to.

All stories need conflict. In fantasy in particular there are often very black and white Goodies and Baddies without much moral complexity. The baddies are the ones who conquer, enslave, torture and rape. The goodies are the ones who stop them. Sometimes you get priggish or obstructive goodies, but you rarely get honourable and well-intentioned baddies.

Keep reading »

Tags: BDSM, books, caning, catgirl, corporal punishment, fetish, forced breeding fetish, forced impregnation, furry fetish, incest fetish, mind control, monks, monster cock fetish, monster rape fetish, oh so wrong, punishment, riding crop, scifi & fantasy, sex slave, sexy victims, sexy villains, so very wrong, welts

6 comments

Good boy

Posted at 15:00 on 14 Sep 2020 by Pandora / Blake

I'm bent over the sofa, naked. My lover is punching my arse. Every thump sends deep vibrations echoing through my body. They would be spanking me if they could, but it would wake the baby. Punching is quieter.

This is the first time our little one has napped without being held. They're one year old. During lockdown, without any outside support and with a baby who only sleeps on my body, we've had barely any opportunities for adult play between the two of us.

I've been craving a beating for months. This is the first chance we've had.

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Tags: cunt punching, dominance and submission, Felix, gender, gender euphoria, genderqueer, impact play, kink, non-binary, parenting, play, punch play, trans, transgender

5 comments

A series of data disasters

Posted at 10:06 on 15 Jul 2020 by Pandora / Blake

Meme image: The Count from Sesame Street saying One disk failed! Two disk failed!Shooting porn generates a lot of data.

For years I bought another cheap external USB hard drive every time my storage filled up. I meant to sort out proper backups, but I never got round to it. I had loads of duplicate data on different drives, I couldn't afford the storage to back it all up without de-duping, and I didn't have time to de-dupe.

You can see where this is going.

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Tags: learning curves, personal, technology

15 comments

Northern Spanking's shiny newish website

Posted at 15:00 on 8 Jul 2020 by Pandora / Blake

A while back, the lovely folk over at Northern Spanking released their new website. I've been meaning to blog about it, because, well - I made it! It had been in the works for a few years and was a long journey from start to finish, and it wound up being a project that I'm really proud of. I think the new site offers some things I've not seen as part of a spanking porn website before, and I wanted to take the opportunity to tell you about it.

I built the new site using the same CMS we use over at Dreams of Spanking, so Northern Spanking now share some of its best and most innovative features. Many membership sites have "tour" pages for people who are considering joining, usually rather out of date, but we've both decided to avoid that approach. Northern Spanking, like Dreams, now has fully-integrated free preview versions of every page, allowing you to explore the search and tagging systems and see a preview of any scene you fancy before committing to join. I'm a big fan of this approach, because it lets potential new members get a much better sense of what they’ll get once they’ve paid for their subscription.

Keep reading »

Tags: , ethical porn, Northern Spanking, Performers and producers, Spanking and bondage porn

1 comment

Blake Presents

Posted at 14:15 on 21 May 2020 by Pandora / Blake

Did you know that spanking isn’t the only kind of porn I make? It’s my first love, of course, but it’s not my only kink.

A while back I found myself itching to film some different content and explore some of my other interests on camera. Much of it wouldn’t have been at home on Dreams of Spanking, though - so I opened Blake Presents, a side-project studio focused entirely on doing whatever the hell I like.

Banner for Blake Presents. Blake is a slim white person who is naked in blue water with a small smile on their face and two perky nipples poking out above the water. The words Blake Presents run across their body, just like your hands want to.

Keep reading »

Tags: DIY porn, femdom, kink, masturbation, Nimue Allen, Porn, queer porn, strap-on

24 comments

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