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Weekend hyperkinks #4

Posted by Pandora on September 4th, 2011

I’m coming to the end of a deliciously decadent weekend with D and two very good friends. I had a lovely time at Torture Garden last night, which seemed to have a more relaxed and friendly atmosphere than at previous events, as well as no shortage of pretty people to look at. We got looked at ourselves at various points during the evening, and the debauchery continued once we were back at D’s. I’m curled up on his sofa now under a duvet, happy and sleepy.

Things have been exciting for me since my last hyperkinks – two thrilling shoots for my site (the last ones before I launch!), my growing confidence as a switch with the aid of the ever-willing Jacq, and various good times in my personal life. But there’s been exciting stuff happening in the wider internetty world as well:

Kink

I liked this post on the “Seven matrices of submission” by Rabbit White – an interesting deconstruction of varying types or aspects of submission, including ownership, service, restraint, being degraded, being fucked, being given away. Unsurprisingly, I particularly enjoyed the section on being beaten:

Do you want or need to be beaten? This is not always about pain. You can “beat” someone for long periods of time without hurting them. When you are beaten you are the center of someone’s physical attention. This is about having someone use their strength against you… its not the pain but being the focus of a partner’s aggression. And of course, some people do like pain.
BDSM’s Dirty Secret – The Real Risk of Kinky Sex emphasises the emotional intimacy of pain and power play:

SM, along with some sports, is one of the few remaining semi-sanctioned arenas where raw emotions and connections are permitted and even celebrated. To engage in this behavior may lead to a flood of emotions, elation and even risk a failure to achieve connection, with the added danger of feeling genuine loneliness. It takes guts, skill and personal risk to fly high with another person.
The Guardian had an interesting article a couple of weeks back on whether BDSM lifestyle should be protected in UK law as a philosophical belief, hinging on a worker dismissed for wearing her collar to work, and comparing the BDSM lifestyle with other cultural and religious practices. Kitty Stryker offers a counterpoint in her post “public kink != LGBT rights” on the question of whether individuals have the “right” to express their kink in public spaces.
BDSM & Rape – what now? – a great round-up by Charlie Glickman, looking at how to reduce/prevent sexual assault within the BDSM community.

Sex work

If you ever find yourself in an argument on sex work and feminism, this essay might come in handy – an excellent answer to the question is sex work anti-feminist? (TLDR; no.)
While I was in Germany, controversy on sex work and motherhood abounded as Furry Girl aggressively challenged Madison Young on her use of images featuring her newborn. I briefly engaged with the debate on twitter as it first unfolded, but it’s been covered in far more detail since. Brief roundup: Maggie Mayhem explains eloquently why “paedophile” is not an accusation to be made lightly; Furry Girl‘s statement defending her stance; media write-up by Salon magazine and finally, Madison’s artist statement for the work in question.
Broadly, I’m with Madison on this one – I don’t think being a sex worker makes every creative expression in your whole life sexual or pornographic by default; I think parents and guardians have the right to consent to childrens’ appearance in art, even political art; I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with having sex or sexual conversations near, around or in the same room as very young children (although Madison’s ‘crime’ was merely including her child in an educational event about sexuality), and I think it’s highly offensive to suggest that this is in any way comparable to paedophilia. All of this has inevitably triggered thoughts and conversations on sex, sex work and parenting, and some of those thoughts are expressed in my comment on Kitty Stryker’s “To breed or not to breed” post here.

Science!

A fascinating study from The Journal of Sexual Medicine: Women’s Clitoris, Vagina, and Cervix Mapped on the Sensory Cortex

Female gaze

I loved this retro-style pinup set of men wearing and doing stereotypically masculine things – but posing in the style of classic cheesecake. It’s like a cross between cheesecake and beefcake. Mmm, cake.

Another interesting female gaze link for you: a website devoted to selling fancy bedroom wear for men to wear to please their lady friends, full of photos of ultra-buff masculine models flaunting lacy and silky underthings. It’s cross-dressing, but it’s not feminising; a fascinating double ground to try and inhabit. I particularly enjoyed the “Fantasy” section, although I admit I was disappointed that the “Iron Man corset” didn’t feature look like actual Iron Man armour.
But – sculpted latex superhero corsetry for men, though! If it existed, that would actually be awesome.

Whatever you do, don’t click here.

Posted in D, Female gaze, Fetish clubbing, Furry Girl, Gender politics, Kink activism, Madison Young, Maggie Mayhem, Politics, Sex worker rights

Tags: hyperkinks, meta-analysis, other pictures

5 Comments »

Weekend hyperkinks #3

Posted by Pandora on August 6th, 2011

Every time I think back on Thursday night I can’t help grinning. I feel like I did after my first well-paid glamour shoot; like a successful shoplifter. There’s a tremendous sense of self-sufficiency, and the giggling, incredulous thrill of having done something outrageous and got away with it. (Although I haven’t quite got away scot-free – aside from the hangover and a bruise on Jacq’s right cheek, my quads have been bloody painful the last two days, and I have no idea why. Can you strain them just by kneeling up on the bed for extended periods of time?)

But enough about me. On to this week’s hyperkinks!

My name is me: a new website bringing together people from all walks of life to challenge Google+ and Facebook’s restrictive and damaging policy disallowing pseudonyms. Violet Blue’s statement in particular is a must-read.
Maggie Mayhem and Kitty Stryker have put together a new website on ways members of the BDSM community can work together to prevent abuse: www.consentculture.com. Here’s an interview with them about the project, and here’s Kitty’s call for people to contribute their stories.
Jane of Janes Guide has written two great articles recently on this topic: BDSM, negotiation and consent, and More on BDSM and abuse. Raw, personal and thought-provoking – worth a read.
Lab Coats and Lingerie has a hard-hitting take on the problems with our restrictive model of what it means to be a female top in One of the nineteen. “I had no image of dominance other than the PVC-encased dominatrix, which–while fun to look at–sure isn’t anything like me. Not matching the classic femdom image didn’t just make me not a dominant … I actually believed I was not kinky.”
Now for some eye candy! I love this Victorian schoolgirl birching photo.
Elegance Studios have a trailer up for their forthcoming bondage feature film, Slave Auction
There’s a tremendously engaging sense of fun in this bedroom bondage photo – looking at it I feel like I’m right there with them.
Maggie Mayhem and her partner Ned have teamed up to launch an exciting new homegrown porn site, Meet the Mayhems. It combines sex education, informative articles, hot photos and steamy, satirical sex scenes between two people who are really into each other. At $8/month with no strict update schedule and pay-per-download options, it also represents an interesting new take on the traditional paysite model.
Next weekend I’m giving a talk at BDSMtag, a kink advocacy and outreach conference in Cologne. One of the organisers is Direktor Sands of SM Circus fame, and he suggested I travel over for the weekend, shoot on the Friday and attend the conference on the Saturday. They proposed an interview format for the talk, which is on BDSM and politics in the UK, so Ludwig has volunteered to help out by asking the questions. Should be fun!
Is Spanked, Not Silenced one of your favourite blogs? If so, please visit Between My Sheets and nominate my blog for the 2011 Sexiest Bloggers awards. There’s some great political and sex positive blogs already on the list, and a few kinky blogs, but there aren’t many candidates yet that are both political and kinky. I’d really appreciate the chance to give the topics I write about a wider reach. It’d make me very happy if one of you took the time to make a nomination

Posted in Elegance Studios, Gender politics, Kink activism, Kitty Stryker, Maggie Mayhem

Tags: hyperkinks, Violet Blue

2 Comments »

Porn, criticism and dialogue

Posted by Pandora on January 14th, 2011

As some of you will have seen, this week has seen Kink.com come under scrutiny for the press release starting to be known as “Hymen-gate”, in which the ceremonial deflowering of young model Nicki Blue was marketed using sexist and damaging language. It’s been an enlightening conversation for all sorts of reasons. Here’s the lowdown:

The offending press release, as reposted across the adult web.

Kink.com model Maggie Mayhem wrote a comprehensive and balanced critique of the press release, complete with educational material on vaginal anatomy and why these details are socially and ethically important. She has just published an inspiring follow-up post in which she credits Kink for responding quickly and positively to the criticism and talks about the ways in which small things can change the world.

The post on the Kink forums in which Nicki Blue announced her desire to experience her first vaginal penetration on video. It’s interesting that Nicki seems to have initiated the problematic language about “taking her virginity” and “breaking her hymen” – either her forum post is deeply ‘in character’ of her virgin fantasy, or she could perhaps benefit from a little sex education herself.

Adele Haze explains why, although this isn’t okay, it isn’t surprising given Kink’s track record with affiliate promos that are demeaning to women (which is weird, given this trend really isn’t reflected in the scenes themselves).

Maybe Maimed roundly condemns Kink for their mode of porn-selling, if not their mode of porn-making; his post contains a number of links to other discussions of this issue, if you’re interested.

This discussion has been fascinating for its revelations into Kink’s workings. Like Maggie, they were one of the first BDSM websites I came across, and I always felt comfortable with the extremity of their scenarios because of their overt focus on consent, the enjoyment and limits of the models, and transparency. In the presentation of scenes on the site the promo text is usually “out of character” and praises the models’ professionalism, courage, endurance, beauty and horniness. Even in the free previews you get a happy smiling post-scene shot, and the videos are supplemented by forum discussions and a lot of behind the scenes content. It’s great to be reassured that this impression is upheld by outspoken feminist performers who have worked for them.

At the same time, the models who support them don’t do so unconditionally. Being able to honestly and publicly critique a studio you hope to work for again is hell of a brave thing to do, and I’m full of respect not only for models like Maggie who are prepared to do so firmly and politely, but also for a studio that can listen, take the criticism on board and not take offence. That’s got to be healthy, and it’s the sort of dialogue I’d like to see between more models and producers in an open and respectful way.

This is why the internet has revolutionalised porn; because it facilitates exactly this sort of conversation. This is why blogging, online commentary and interaction between viewers, performers and producers will be instrumental to transforming the porn industry into the safe, respectful, thoughtful and sex-positive place we want it to be.