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Reluctantly, silenced.

Posted at 22:09 on 28 May 2013 by Pandora / Blake

Well, the censorship saga with payment processor CCBill and my female-gaze porn site Dreams of Spanking got much, much worse. I wrote last week about the ridiculous wording changes they required, including censoring discussions of consensual and ethical production on the blog. I did as I was told. Unfortunately, that was far from the end of it.

To explain why I CCBill sent me another email last Friday detailing an entirely new set of changes and deletions I needed to make, I have to explain a tedious technical thing. I have a client account with CCBill, of which the website www.dreamsofspanking.com is a subaccount. I can run as many websites as I want, each with its own subaccount. Every time you create a new subaccount, that site has to go through the approval process with the CCBill policy review team.

When I launched Dreams, www.dreamsofspanking.com was up and running as a pre-launch site containing a blog and other previews. Alongside that, prior to launch the main paysite existed at dev.dreamsofspanking.com while D and I were building it. We put all the content on the dev site, submitted that and got it approved; only then were we able to set up and test the credit card billing, which we needed to do before we could launch. So we launched, and went to change the subaccount URL to www.dreamsofspanking.com ... and found out we couldn't. If you want a new URL, you need to setup a new subaccount. I put it on my to do list to do at some point when I had time, and meanwhile just carried on accepting payments to dev.dreamsofspanking.com.

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Tags: Adele Haze, Amelia Jane Rutherford, censorship, Dreams of Spanking, Fairtrade porn, featured photos, Jimmy Holloway, Kaelah, Kink activism, Ludwig, Photos, Politics, Sites and studios, Thomas Cameron


Midweek hyperkinks #6

Posted at 00:29 on 8 Mar 2012 by Pandora / Blake

I haven't done a hyperkinks post in months - but don't worry, I'm not going to attempt a complete catch up. Just a brief glimpse at some of the interesting and sexy things that have populated the internet in the last couple of weeks.


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Tags: Chelsea Pfeiffer, Dallas Spanks Hard, Fantasies, Female gaze, Gender politics, Good Spanking, hyperkinks, Janna, Jimmy Holloway, Kami Robertson, Kink activism, Madison Young, Nimue Allen, Northern Spanking, Politics, polyamory, Rosie, Sarah Bright, Sarah Gregory, Spanked in Uniform, Spanking Sarah


A truly epic party

Posted at 01:45 on 22 Jan 2012 by Pandora / Blake

I told you about my first spanking of 2012. The day before, I was lamenting my unspanked state and wondering how long I had to wait. By the end of that weekend, I'd been spanked so many times I lost count.

The occasion was Paul and Lucy's housewarming party, a grand occasion full of kinky friends, familiar faces and new people. Not everyone worth knowing was there, but everyone there was worth knowing. It's a rare scene event where I feel truly comfortable with all the people in the room.

Tom had originally hoped to accompany me, but when he was laid low with a cold I decided I couldn't miss this one - I'd go on my own. I knew that people would be playing, and I was fairly sure I wanted to join in given the opportunity. But I'm not used to going out without a spanker if I want to play, not least because I'm quite picky about who I play with. I was interested in a couple of prospects, but I wasn't sure if it was mutual, if they'd be available, and it's always an effort negotiating this sort of thing without offending anyone you don't want to play with.

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Tags: Adele Haze, Amy Hunter, bruises, cane, Caroline Grey, Finishing School, hand spanking, hand tawsing, Jimmy Holloway, kink, Lucy McLean, Northern Spanking, Paul Kennedy, Photos, switching


Meet the dreamers

Posted at 19:43 on 23 Dec 2011 by Pandora / Blake

Are you still dreaming, or is my website finally online?

Pinch yourself. After six years of inspiration and shooting, three years of production and editing and a year of development, my dream is finally a reality.

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Tags: Adele Haze, Amelia Jane Rutherford, Caroline Grey, D, Dreams of Spanking, Jimmy Holloway, Kaelah, Performers and producers, Photos, porn production, Thomas Cameron


Her Ladyship's Breakfast

Posted at 23:58 on 19 Dec 2011 by Pandora / Blake

I've just announced, with great pleasure and no small amount of trepidation, the launch date of my long-awaited spanking website. Dreams of Spanking will finally go live this Friday, 23rd December.

Tonight, I want to share with you the first F/M scene I produced for Dreams of Spanking, and the only "pure" F/M scene we're launching with (if you exclude F/MF). It's called "Her Ladyship's Breakfast" and it represents a whole heap of firsts, actually: 

  • The first time real life couple Adele Haze and Jimmy Holloway played together on camera
  • Adele's first scene for us as a top
  • The first scene of the day on our shoot with talented photographer Daniel R, an old online friend who spent a day taking beautiful photos for (and of!) us
  • The first scene I produced/directed without also performing in it
  • My first attempt to produce/direct a spanking scene with a male spankee.

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Tags: Adele Haze, cane, Dreams of Spanking, F-M, Fantasies, Jimmy Holloway, Photos, porn production, Vintage


Radical porn

Posted at 18:04 on 30 Nov 2011 by Pandora / Blake

Jimmy Holloway and Adele Haze at Dreams of SpankingI've just published a two part article on the Dreams of Spanking blog about making radical porn.

In part 1 I ask: is gender segregation in porn as intolerant as race segregation would be, and is it okay to discriminate on gender lines because it's "not your kink"? To what extent can we hold individual producers responsible for being complicit in segregation and inequality in porn? How much social responsibility do porn producers have, anyway? I also question the tendency to defer to "market forces" as an excuse for maintaining an unfair status quo.

In part 2 I look at the duty website owners have to cater to the taste of their members, and the extent to which all businesses choose their audience. I also examine the tension between quality/originality and marketability/profitability and the assessment and balancing of risks which is inherent in all creative entrepreneurship, and the role economic and social privilege plays in this. Finally, I examine my own privilege in an unfair society - and why I've made the choices I have.

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Tags: Adele Haze, Body positivity, Dreams of Spanking, Fairtrade porn, Female gaze, Gender politics, Jimmy Holloway, other pictures, Politics


Schoolboys and aristocrats

Posted at 22:19 on 16 Sep 2011 by Pandora / Blake


I'd put a casting call up on my blog, but disappointingly, my inbox was not instantly flooded with requests for work from bright young things willing to shoot M/M spanking scenes. I received lots of emails from willing chaps over 40 who wanted to bottom to women, but lovely as I'm sure they were, none of them was really suitable for the scenes I had in mind.

In the end it was Twitter that solved my problem. I posted to the effect that I was looking for kinky young men willing to bottom on camera for CP films, and that I was offering competitive rates of pay, creative input and good times. Someone on my feed put me in touch with a friend of theirs. He didn't have a website, but he did have a link to a fetlife profile. I took one look at his photo gallery and was sold.

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Tags: cane, Dreams of Spanking, f-m, female gaze, Jimmy Holloway, m-m, other pictures, otk spanking, photos, porn production, school uniform, Sebastian Hawley, shoot writeups



Posted at 15:21 on 17 Jan 2011 by Pandora / Blake

Before Christmas I asked D if he'd do something for me. I'd become aware, lately, that I'd been drinking more than I was comfortable with, and I wanted help keeping track of it. With some nervousness, I hinted that the sort of help I wanted was the D/s type. D's never been particularly comfortable with formally structured protocols, and prefers a level of informality and spontaneity to both play and punishment. 'Serious' rather than playful punishments have been rare between us, and mostly on a one-off basis - although I've learned over the years that this doesn't mean our D/s dynamic is any less real.

So I wasn't sure how he'd react to the idea of a more structured, explicitly negotiated system to help me watch my drinking. I told him the truth - that I'd taken the proposal to Tom, first, but although he'd agreed, he never ended up acting on it. Tom's health has been so poor lately, and his stress levels so high, that it hadn't seemed fair for me to put extra pressure and responsibility on him. So I checked that Tom didn't mind, and approached D instead.

To my surprise, D seemed amenable. Unlike Tom and me he almost never drinks; perhaps that was why he felt comfortable keeping tabs on this area of my life. He'd feel hypocritical, he said later, holding me to standards he wasn't keeping himself. (In my defence, I'm not a total pisshead - four pints of cider is an unusually heavy night's drinking for me - but I do find it all too easy to have one or two at the end of a long day, and it adds up. When I realised I couldn't remember the last day I'd abstained completely, I decided it was time to change my habits.)

After a vague "yes" but no further discussion, I knew better than to push, and left the ball in D's court. Sooner than I expected, however, I received a startlingly stern email from him describing the process and principles he wanted me to follow, and asking me to let him know the guidelines I wanted to be kept to. I read that email several times: it was a delicious mix of negotiation and dominance. The basic rules were up to me - although he was prepared to let me know if he thought my suggestions were too slack. But once agreed, he would keep me to them; and it was him that insisted that I send him an email every morning reporting what I'd drunk the night before. If you don't report a drinking level for a given day, without a good reason, then I'll assume you deserve a punishment for that day regardless of surrounding drinking levels. I shivered with delight at the realisation that he was taking this seriously.

We discussed punishments. A designated implement seemed sensible, given the associations it was likely to accumulate. With some trepidation I proposed the horrible little bath brush which, conveniently, has been barely used since I bought it. We were both being very honest with each other - him about his lack of booze knowledge, and me about my own weaknesses. The whole thing felt more consultative than authoritative, but I felt very secure knowing that, unlike me, he wasn't going to cut me any more slack than I deserved. I was confident that the structure we'd developed was sensible and sustainable, holding me to the spirit (as it were!) rather than the letter of the law, and I trusted D to make fair judgments.

As I sent him my daily emails (a hard habit to get into), it became clear that I was trying to lean too heavily on my 'rules', whereas he was more interested in general patterns and my perceptions. At first it felt like I was in a constant state of self-denial - possibly the restrictions increased the temptation - and moderation felt surprisingly difficult. Nonetheless, as I'd hoped, the act of recording affected my decisions, and the prospect of disappointing my Dom proved far better motivation than my vague guidelines in themselves.

After about a week, I discovered that he was collating the emails in a spreadsheet. A categorised, colour-coded spreadsheet. I was amused, flattered, aroused - but also shiveringly nervous at the precise record-keeping this implied. I've had punishment books before - but this was my first punishment spreadsheet!

I got to see it in person on Friday afternoon. Green text marked the booze-free days; red the heavier ones. A blazing scarlet background denoted the day I forgot to check in. We argued about that, a bit. The thing is that I was fairly sure I'd not drunk anything that day, but I couldn't prove it until I got back home. I was perfectly happy to be punished for not sending the email, but it seemed unfair and unproductive to treat the missed email as if I'd had a piss-up. The two crimes were clearly separate! Eventually he agreed - by which point of course I felt anxious and guilty about having got my way.

Once the spreadsheet was up to date, D cheerily suggested that we get the punishment over with. With alarm, I suddenly realised how close I was to tears. A combination of disappointment for having missed a report, anxiety about the perceived unfairness and guilt for arguing with him. As we hugged he noticed my trembling, and decided that spankings would happen after dinner. I was both relieved and disappointed. I appreciated the chance to calm down enough that I had a chance of taking my punishment with some dignity, but no-one likes to wait.

(To be continued...)

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Tags: Adele Haze, D, dominance and submission, Jimmy Holloway, other pictures, Real life punishment


The magician's (other) apprentice

Posted at 22:45 on 9 Dec 2010 by Pandora / Blake

I've just received the images from one of the most exciting photostories we shot at the last stills shoot for my new site, with new photographer Daniel.

I knew that one of Adele Haze's favourite fantasies was a "magician's apprentice" scenario. We decided to shoot a set based on a story she was writing, in which the young male apprentice of a magician brings a wench home, with unexpected consequences. I wasn't modelling for this one, which left me free to direct - handy given the complexities of the narrative. It's a good 'un, though.

Our story begins with ceremonial magician Mr Sheridan, played by Thomas Cameron.

One night while out on the town, his young apprentice Giles (Jimmy Holloway) meets a girl called Sophie (Adele Haze). To impress her, he brings her back to his master's workshop.

Sophie is delighted, and soon she and Giles are engaged in some enthusiastic snogging in Mr Sheridan's chair. But as their kissing increases in passion, something very strange happens - all the candles in the room spontaneously burst into flame.


A moment later Mr Sheridan thunders in to investigate the cause of the magical flare which interrupted his very important working upstairs. He is not impressed to discover a strange woman in his secret workshop.


It was a real treat being able to bring Adele's fantasy to life - made even better by the fact that I persuaded Tom and Jimmy to do a rare M/m scene. They're such close friends in real life that it's not something they're usually comfortable doing, but they agreed to a formal, masculine six of the best for the sake of this scene. Much to the delight of me and Adele. She was enjoying herself so much that I had to crop her out of some of the photos due to her out-of-character lascivious grin - and she's posted some more photos of the caning on her own blog.


These are two of my very favourite boys, and I'm so thrilled that they had the guts to enact this scene to please us girls. Enjoy, ladies - it may not happen again, but I'm very happy I got to see it once at least!

This photostory, complete with an original fiction piece by Adele herself, will be available for download on my new site when it goes live sometime in the new year. But I'll post a sample from the second half before then. Jimmy and Sophie's ordeal isn't over yet - Mr Sheridan intends to get to the bottom of what caused the unexplained magical power surge, and he has a shrewd idea of where to look...

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Tags: Adele Haze, Fantasies, Jimmy Holloway, M-M, other pictures, porn production, Thomas Cameron


Pipedreams and priorities

Posted at 16:00 on 26 Oct 2010 by Pandora / Blake

I realised a few weeks ago that even if I spent a day a week working on my spanking site, I wouldn't have a chance of launching it by Christmas. Now it's nearly the end of October, and I wouldn't be able to manage it even if I could find two days a week. Which I can't; I'm gradually catching up on my perennial work backlog (generated by an inability to say no to things, too many partners forming tempting startups which of course I want to help out with, and a bizarre insistence on working to make pipedream projects happen rather than simply relegating them to the "some day" pile) but my to do list still has a depressing number of things on it which have a higher priority than my fairtrade kinky porn project.

When I realised that 2010, like 2009, was going to end with this site still in its long gestation, I felt very down in the dumps about it. I cursed myself for my inability to focus, for not working hard enough to get everything else done (although I know this is bollocks really), for making poor decisions in giving my time this year to other people's projects and causes. But I'm not very suited to regret. By the time I'd slept on it, I was feeling a lot more zen about my choices this year. My baby spanking site may not be born yet, but I haven't been wasting my time. And although I'm always frustrated by not being able to make as much progress as I'd like with any one project, I'd rather lead a rich and varied life than spend all my time on one thing.

It's okay, anyway; people rarely have money to spend just after Christmas. A March launch date makes more economic sense in some ways. It certainly doesn't mean I'm a failure. (I won't be surprised if the March date falls by the wayside as well, but giving myself deadlines is one of the ways I prioritise between all the tempting conflicting demands on my time. And the nice thing about setting deadlines for yourself is that it's alright if they slip; as long as the deadline spurs you to focus, it's served its purpose.)

When I was still aiming for a Christmas launch, I'd pledged to myself that I wasn't allowed to spend any more time shooting (the fun sociable part) until I'd caught up on editing, admin, site design and development (the time-consuming solitary parts). It's not like I don't enjoy these things, but somehow I found myself producing another shoot before I'd made much more in the way of progress with the rest of it. It was easy to find excuses - oh, well, this venue is probably available for a limited time only, and I should make the most of it while I have access to it; I need some better promotional images in order to do the web design - but the truth is that shooting is exciting and exhilirating and involves having kinky fun with lovely people, and all the rest of it involves long hours I have to spend at my desk.

I'd like to say that the stills shoot yesterday was definitely DEFINITELY the last shoot I'm producing until all the rest of the work is done, and I am going to spend my time working on the site and editing the backlog rather than planning more exciting future shoots. But I know that's not true. I'm already planning another video shoot in December. Guiltily. But I shall assuage my conscience by doing lots of editing AS WELL. Then the next shoot clearly won't be procrastination on the other work, but a reward to myself for making progress.


But you guys don't want to hear all about my prioritising troubles, you want to hear about the shoot yesterday. I'm getting the pics back from the photographer in a couple of weeks, so I'll leave proper scene descriptions til I have some images to illustrate them with. In the meantime:

- I'm getting better at this. Quite a lot of planning went into this one, although the callsheet still only went out on Saturday night (but everyone had had advance notice of the costume they needed to bring, so that wasn't the end of the world). I feel like every shoot I produce goes more smoothly. There was almost no stress or faff on the day. We kept to schedule and got through five different set-ups in under eight hours, with time for lunch and tidying (not bad when we had to dress each set individually for a different historical period and flavour). I'd written an additional scene to be fitted in before lunch if we could, but by late morning we were running slightly behind, so I cut it, which meant we started the afternoon ahead of schedule. We actually finished the day half an hour earlier than I'd planned, which made me wonder if I shouldn't have left the extra scene in after all - but having more time is no bad thing, and that scene will work just as well on a future video shoot.

- This was stills only, and so very much in my comfort zone as an artist - although it was, bizarrely, the first stills-only shoot I've produced/directed. Strange to realise that. I hadn't directed other models before, but I've been directed a lot and had a very clear vision about what I wanted, so it came quite naturally. Tom directed part of one scene and most of another, since he knows much more about either 19th century ceremonial magic or fencing choreography than I do.

- I found it much easier to bottom while directing stills than I have to bottom while directing video. Because I was directing, I found the pain much harder to take than when I'm simply modelling, and can immerse myself more fully, but because it was stills, there was much more opportunity to react out of character if a stroke was too painful, or to pause to collect myself. If I reacted to a hard stroke with, say, an annoyed yell rather than a submissive whimper, it didn't ruin the dynamic of the scene, because the camera didn't record it. And I could ask Tom to pause between strokes of the strap to give my bottom a rub without having to call "cut". Because of the increased opportunities for out of character conversation between shots, modelling for stills is much more compatible with directing than modelling for video.

- Daniel R was amazing to work with, and totally unflappable despite not having shot spanking material before. He got what I was trying to do, he was professional, efficient, calm, and amazingly good at lighting - the darker atmospheric scenes with candlelight came out so much better than I'd hoped, and I know how hard that is. I was really happy with the shots I saw on his computer screen, and can't wait to see the finished results. Thanks so much to him and his partner for all their hard work yesterday. I was able to hand the lighting tech completely over to them, and it made my job so much easier.

- It is such a privilege to be able to work with close friends. I knew what all my models were capable of, I trusted them, I didn't have to worry about them, I didn't have to feel guilty for spending valuable social time working, because I knew I'd see lots of them anyway - it was just really emotionally easy. Plus they all share my vision, and so I can trust them creatively to strive for the same aims as me. Working with new people is wonderful, but it's different, and it's definitely more effort. This felt very natural and straightforward, and this week I really needed that.

Because we were doing stills only, I took the opportunity to do some scenes which would be difficult to shoot on video. The aforementioned fencing choreography, for instance; or the Magician's Apprentice scene I shot with Adele, Tom and Jimmy, which included a special effect which would be beyond my skills on video, but which was easy to produce in stills. I was also able to persuade Tom and Jimmy to do some M/m work, which made Adele and I very happy, but which I don't think they'd be comfortable doing on video. Having done the stills versions successfully, though, I now think that the other three out of yesterday's five scenes would be doable on video, so it's possible we'll revisit those at some point.

I've decided that I'll let myself blog about specific scenarios in detail when (and only when) I've got each one ready to publish, in the hopes that this will motivate me to get the post-production done promptly. For now, I'll just post this photo I took on my cameraphone between takes, of Adele and Jimmy being very sweet as the magician's apprentice and his new girlfriend (who is, unbeknownst to him, also the magician's apprentice-to-be):

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Tags: Adele Haze, Daniel R, Jimmy Holloway, learning curves, meta-analysis, other pictures, porn production, Thomas Cameron


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