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Taking the plunge

Posted at 18:52 on 20 Aug 2010 by Pandora / Blake

I thought, when I moved out of London with Tom to a much bigger house, that it would be easier for me to find opportunities to film for my work-in-progress spanking site. Living with my Dom, a bedroom big enough to set up a camera and lights - I was looking forward to being able to shoot more easily than when I was in London.

But so far, it hasn't turned out quite that way. I've ended up getting very involved in setting up Tom's new business, and since we moved, working on that has taken all my spare time outside paid work. At the same time, the stress of the last couple of years combined with the exhaustion of moving and starting a new enterprise has seriously compromised Tom's health, and one of the things which has been put on hold to give him a chance to recover is our sex and spanking life. It's tough, but hopefully temporary.

When Ludwig and Kaelah said they were coming to the UK and would like to come and stay, I jumped at the chance - it drove me nuts not having enough space to play host in London, and I'm revelling in the fact that our new home has a spare room. Ludwig said he would potentially be interested in filming a clip or two while they were there. Him and Kaelah's relationship is one in which they only play with one another, but since Ludwig has prior experience appearing as a switch in spanking videos, they've agreed to make an exception for filming. They've filmed one clip together at home, but Kaelah said she might be interested in sharing her first experience shooting with other people with me, Tom and Jimmy.

Well. With so flattering an offer, how could I refuse? We worked out that a "professional" shoot where I hired them, got them to sign releases etc, probably wasn't what they were looking for this time, for various reasons. So we agreed that we'd shoot some free clips for the blogs, just for fun.

On previous shoots, I've always made sure I had experienced industry people around to help me with the cameras, lighting and audio. As a producer I've been able to delegate the technical side of the day entirely, and focus on everything else. This time, since I wasn't filming commercial content which would justify the expense of a camera crew, I decided to go it alone. Jimmy (who has a lot of technical confidence, but not much experience) offered to help out behind the camera, and I decided to take the plunge, and get to grips with the equipment I bought last year but have never operated myself. I was going to have to learn at some point; I want to be able to shoot informally at home if Tom and I are in the mood, without it having to be a big production with camera crew each time.

It felt a little weird agreeing to produce blog content with Ludwig and Kaelah when I'm frustrated by not having time to shoot material for my site, but in the end it was the right decision. It removed a certain amount of pressure, and liberated us to work out the dynamics of shooting together for the first time, in a new location and without outside technical assistance, without feeling like I had to "get my money's worth" or meet any quotas.

So it was a day of firsts: Kaelah's first experience bottoming and filming with someone other than Ludwig; and my first experience not only shooting with them and in a new venue, but also operating independently behind the camera.

There was lots of planning by email. I sent over a few scene ideas, but in the end Kaelah wrote the two scripts we ended up using on the day. Both were school scenes, reflecting her desire to participate in the more "innocent" end of the genre, rather than any explicitly erotic or sexual scenes. An awful lot of thought and creativity went into the final concepts - most of it Kaelah's. I've been very busy with vanilla work lately, and so wasn't able to be as active a part of the planning phase as I'd have liked, but we worked out two plots with two tops and two bottoms, and two different but matching school uniforms. I found myself in the unusual position of being the voice of realism, reining in Kaelah's enthusiasm and perfectionism with the pragmatism I've learned the hard way. Normally I'm the one to try and take on too much - it was odd being the one to suggest that we should avoid being too ambitious and not bite off more than we could chew. I think I've learned my lesson there, at least!

They arrived on Sunday night, and we enjoyed a relaxed evening cooking, eating and catching up. The next morning we were up early to start at 9am, since we only had the venue until 5pm and I wanted to make sure we had plenty of time in case anything went wrong. At the last minute, Tom realised he wasn't able to spend the whole day away from his office, so we rewrote the first scene for a single top, and arranged for Tom to join us after lunch.

I was glad I'd left us as much time as I had. It allowed us to set a leisurely pace without getting stressed out. The venue I'd found was beautiful, but we had to spend a fair amount of time moving furniture around to create the desired headmaster's study/senior common room effect. My lights worked but I couldn't find the bulbs, so there was a mission into town to buy new ones. We were using Ludwig and Kaelah's cameras, and the four of us spent a couple of hours blocking the various shots and working out where to put everything. It was slow work for four newbies, but we managed it without any strife. By midday we'd set up everything for both scenes, so we wouldn't have much faff after lunch, and we were ready to film the first clip, "The Protection Racket".

Kaelah had written a story about two schoolfriends who both come forward individually to confess to the same crime, creating a tangle which their teacher needs to somehow sort out. Both girls have good reasons for believing their friend to be the culprit, and want to save them from punishment.

But neither is a particularly good liar, and their teacher doesn't need to be a genius to work out that neither story rings true.

He applauds their spirit of self-sacrifice, but lying to a teacher is still unacceptable. They won't be punished as much as if they had been the culprit, but they still need to be punished.

In the end, it all came together okay. Jimmy was an absolute star managing both cameras while I was acting, and I really enjoyed working with him behind the scenes - I think it bodes well for our future collaboration. By the end of the day I felt totally exhilirated at the knowledge that not only had we produced some good content without any stress, in a new location and with new people, but that we'd done it totally independently, without needing to bring in outside help. As a producer I seem to be learning from past mistakes every time I make them, and this time I think I managed not to cock anything up. Quite an awesome feeling! I feel much more confident about shooting my own material in the future now, and am looking forward to having the time.

I had great fun working with Ludwig and Kaelah, and was really impressed with their enthusiasm and dedication. Kaelah has written a brief update about the shoot on their travelling journal, but I'm sure they'll have more to add once they get home and recover from their trip. It was an honour to help Kaelah have her first experience of filming with other people. I'll post the clips as soon as they're ready to share.

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Tags: Jimmy Holloway, Kaelah, learning curves, Ludwig, otk spanking, Photos, porn production, school uniform, shoot writeups


Male Submission Art

Posted at 23:57 on 23 Mar 2010 by Pandora / Blake

I've recently discovered this wonderful blog via my friend Ophelia, whose inability to find sensitive, characterful malesub spanking porn two years ago jumpstarted my ambition to produce a more egalitarian take on the industry.

Male Submission Art offers tasteful images and intelligent commentary of erotic F/m kink. The owner also writes Maybe Maimed, a nuanced, thoughtful and intimate journal of his own submission, including some spot-on political writing on gender egalitarianism within kink. Check out this list of 8 things submissive men want from a dominant partner, a powerful rebuttal of the F/m stereotype of the authoritarian goddess abusing a faceless, snivelling worm.

It's been interesting watching my tastes react to different stimuli over the last few years. Of course my preferences aren't wholly trainable - I don't think I would ever be vanilla no matter how much I limited the media I was exposed to. But certain predilections have proved weak when tested. I used, for example, to "just happen to prefer" women whose bodies were at the skinnier end of the prescribed norm; a preference which persisted as I slowly went through the process of recovery from disordered eating. These days, after working through the inconsistencies in my own thinking; taking care to expose myself to erotic, aesthetically pleasing writing and imagery of fat women; making a point of noticing when the mainstream media exhibits its dysfunctional bias against healthy body shapes, I've finally got over my outdated hang-up about big female bodies. Whole new vistas of beautiful people have been opened up to me! All my current female lovers are bigger than I would, with my culturally narrowed vision, have personally considered sexy three years ago. Now, I look at their lovely curves and wonder how I was so blind as to have skipped over them before.

I'm discovering a similar process arising from my critique of the industry mistreatment of male submissives. I'm not really a switch, and am rarely sexually attracted to men - two male partners fulfil my heterosexual leanings well enough that I don't need to look elsewhere for cock. So I "just happened" to never seek out expressions of male submission, as I didn't consider it to be relevant to my sexuality. Since I realised that it was relevant, to my politics of equality if not to my desires, I've made a point of noticing positive, gender egalitarian representations of male submission.

And you know what? I like it.

When looking at male submission art, I experience a complex, unfamiliar combination of responses. As a submissive I empathise with the sub; I imagine being in his place, looking up at the gorgeous woman who has me in her control. (My recent relaxation in the area of subbing to women has definitely contributed to this.) As a bisexual woman, I enjoy the depiction of a beautiful male body - I imagine its textures, temperatures and scents, the subtle movement of muscles and shivering responsiveness of skin. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I imagine myself in the place of that woman in control. But I definitely find the submissive male beauty she's looking at desirable, and experience a frisson of temptation to play with him, make him react.

I don't think I'm about to turn switch - certainly not with either of my current men, and I don't have much space in my head for new heterosexual entanglements. But it's not impossible, as I grow into a belated, too-slowly-learned desire for vulnerably submissive men, I will discover that my desire for them extends into a new sexual category not covered by my existing relationships, and seek one out.

In the meantime I'll have to content myself with porn. After all, I intend to make some of it myself :)

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Tags: Body positivity, F-M, Fantasies, Female gaze, Gender politics, Jimmy Holloway, learning curves, meta-analysis, other pictures, Politics


boys on film

Posted at 22:01 on 7 Jan 2010 by Pandora / Blake

It's the Thursday morning of New Year's Eve. Tom's got a cold, and he went to bed early last night while Jimmy and I stayed up late, high from the shoot and giggling over rude webcomics. When I come downstairs the next morning Tom's bundled up on the sofa, drinking tea and feeling sorry for himself. I climb into his lap for a cuddle, then smilingly arrange myself over his knee with my elbows folded on the arm of the sofa, allowing him to inspect the damage from yesterday's shoot. He deals me a couple of slow, hard spanks over my knickers, one on each cheek. I ow and wiggle appreciatively.

Halfway through all this, Jimmy comes downstairs. "How are you doing?" Tom asks him, casually rubbing my bottom.

Jimmy looks thoughtful. "I'm fine - I was just waiting for my shocked reaction, you know? And then I realised ... there wasn't going to be one. After yesterday I feel incredibly normalised. It's lovely."

We grinned at him. In my opinion that's one of the best things about shooting; it's pretty cool he got to experience it that quickly.


My aims for this shoot were as follows:

  1. Introduce Jimmy to the experience of filming spanking porn in a safe environment. As well as getting his head around the practical and technical sides of the job, I wanted him to have fun and do some interesting scenes with believable characters without being pushed too hard, or having to do anything he wasn't into.

  2. Play some final, climactic scenes with Zoe before she flew back to Australia.

  3. Realise some of the hot X/mf fantasies I've had brewing for the past few years.

  4. Put my money where my mouth is, and make some socially-conscious, female-gaze, hot boysub porn which people will want to watch.

Personally, I reckon the shoot was a success on all counts. Jimmy certainly seemed to enjoy himself. And I can tell you now: this boy is a star.

The first scene we filmed was called "Taking the Blame", and stole a leaf out of Tom Sawyer's book. Jimmy and I played young friends who were always getting into mischief. They're at the age where although they each have a burgeoning crush on the other, neither dares act on it. When his aunt finds out about their latest scrape, Jimmy gallantly takes the blame - even though Pandora was the culprit on this occasion.

His aunt decides that the most effective way of driving her point home will be to pull down his jeans and boxers, and give him a sound spanking in front of his young friend. My character is embarassed and horrified - these certainly weren't the circumstances in which she'd dreamed about seeing her best friend's naked body! Although Jimmy is frantically signalling to her to keep her mouth shut so their ordeal will be over as soon as possible, she can't bear to watch him take the punishment she deserves. She confesses her guilt, and begs Zoe to punish her instead.

Of course, Zoe intends to do no such thing. One of them has clearly lied to her, and in her opinion they're both as bad as each other. An excruciating tawsing follows, during which both teenagers try to avoid each other's eyes. Afterwards his aunt gives Jimmy a piece of her mind, telling him he thinks he's such a knight in shining armour, trying to impress his little friend - but he ever tries to mess around with his partner-in-crime, Zoe will ensure the two of them never see each other again.

It was a fast-paced scene, and ended up shorter than we expected - a "short sharp shock" to borrow Northern Spanking's phrase. It whizzed by so successfully that we completely forgot to take any stills, so you'll have to wait until my site's online to watch it. Although I might try to post some screenshots after I've tackled the editing...

The second scene was a re-run of a clip I filmed with Zoe a couple of years ago, for a company which never went anywhere. I have to say, it was massively improved by the addition of a good-looking young man.

The Head Girl is shocked to discover that two of her prefects have been conducting a reign of terror under her nose for two whole terms. Prefects are allowed to dish out lines and detentions to younger pupils they catch flouting the school rules, but only the Head Girl and Boy, the teachers and the Headmaster are allowed to administer corporal punishment. Nonetheless, this terrible twosome have been doing exactly that. The Head Girl strips them of their prefect privileges, and decides that the only fair response is to give them a taste of their own medicine.

She punishes them with each of the implements which she has discovered they have used on younger pupils. With each implement, she drags the story out of them. Despite their protests and excuses, they have no choice but to bend over and endure what they have so irresponsibly handed out.

The third scene was an intense fantasy I wrote some time ago. Zoe and Jimmy were my ideal casting for the other two characters, but I wasn't wedded to the idea of doing it on this shoot. It was an edgy, difficult scene to tackle; it involved Jimmy and I switching with each other (which was an enormous challenge, as neither of us are particularly switchy); and I had quite clear ideas about what I wanted, which put a certain amount of pressure on the scene.

When it came to it, though, we were on a roll: we were running not only on time, but (unheard of!) ahead of schedule; the three of us had clicked as well as I'd hoped we would, and our improv was flowing effortlessly; Jimmy and I were both on a high from the previous two scenes, and keen to push the boat out a little.

I haven't looked at the footage yet, so I'll save my comments about how well it went until I've done the editing. But from an actor's, rather than a producer's, point of view, this film was amazing. It was so hot I was actually wet afterwards (slightly weird given Jimmy and I have more of a brother/sister dynamic than a serious flirtation). It was intense and edgy and brilliant. I am so, so glad we did it.

The scenario goes, roughly, like this: a young couple are in detention again for breaking the school's six inch rule. Their teacher has punished them for making out behind the bikesheds, in the broom cupboard and everywhere else countless times - she is sick of the sight of them. She has loads of marking to do, and she honestly doesn't believe that another spanking from her will teach either of them a lesson.

So she comes up with a new approach. Knowing how fond they are of each other, she instructs each of them to spank the other one in turn. If the spanking is insufficiently severe, she will take over and give the victim a sound, no-nonsense over-the-knee spanking that will leave them red and sore. The other will then have to follow suit, and make sure it's hard enough this time - or the whole process will start all over again.

I ended up going over Jimmy's knee twice and Zoe's once, for an excruciatingly fast and painful dose of the hairbrush. By the time it was my turn to spank Jimmy, I knew better than to try and be lenient. But every stroke I dealt him made me wince. I couldn't bear the knowledge I was hurting him. It was tense and squirmy and horrible, and both of us cried, and beneath the character I loved every second of it. I think Jimmy did too :)

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Tags: F-M, Female gaze, Jimmy Holloway, Photos, porn production, shoot writeups, Zoe Montana


Christmas spanking roundup

Posted at 20:42 on 23 Dec 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I wrote a long entry on Monday about meeting Zille and Malc, and my (lack of) social energy during the shoot, but I wrote it late at night and decided to sit on it a bit before posting. Now it's two days later and I don't want to publish two mopey posts about the shoot in a row, but I've had no time to write anything else. My internet at home only started working again last night, and between festive preparations, shopping trips that are always more time-consuming and physically exhausting than you allow for, and the hectic push to get work projects finished by new year ... I'm going to get it all done, just, but it's been pretty crazy.

Although outwardly the last week and a half have been pretty vanilla, spanking is never far from my mind. In fact, in some ways this week has been pretty kink-heavy. Let's see...

1. I haven't yet seen any of the images from the shoot with Zille, but I sneaked some photos of my bum in the work loos, as is my wont. I realise I haven't actually told you anything about the scenes we played yet, but here are my marks three days later:

I still intend to write about those scenes, btw. I just have to get the more recent stuff out of my head first...

2. On Monday, Zoe Montana and I had booked what would probably be our last two-to-one session together before she moves to Australia in early January. We were both looking forward to it, but at the last minute she had to cancel, having come down with the same fluey stomach bug that everyone's caught lately. She's feeling better now, and we've managed to reschedule our session to the 29th, which I honestly wasn't expecting at this late notice. I understand it will involve black hold ups, heels, and the cane. And possibly wine. As I write this I'm idly wondering whether cheekily wearing a Santa hat will earn me extra strokes.

3. We won't be able to play too hard, however, because the next morning Zoe and I are shooting for my new site. I wasn't expecting that, either, but all power to her for squeezing it in - we've got the day, booked the venue, and Michael Stamp is kindly stepping in to help with cameras and lighting. The star of the show, though, will be young Jimmy Holloway; this is will be his first video shoot. I couldn't think of a better top than Zoe to guide him through his first spanking on camera. I'll be getting punished alongside him, because I have an abiding fondness for scenes where boys and girls get spanked together, and they're all too rare in porn. Since our photoshoot in February he's done the odd M/m session as a spankee, which has given him valuable experience, but I suspect this is going to a be a different kind of thing.

This time I intend to have lots of fun, make sure everyone else is having fun, and not get too stressed. I'll let you know how that goes. ;)

4. Oh, and I've also been commissioned to do a couple of short film clips by a reader of this blog, so I've been working on that this week as well. Eventually, the intention is for these to be published on my new site as well. This is the first time I've done custom video - it's very different from producing my own material. It's a bit of a departure from the rest of the stuff I'm producing, but variety is the spice of life, and all that. Anyway, it's an interesting experiment. If the client is happy and everyone involved has fun, I'll consider doing it again.

5. Last Thursday I had the pleasure of meeting @rogerwilcox and his partner - albeit far too briefly, thanks to my crammed schedule. He gave me a handcrafted Christmas gift, which is just so generous - I am extremely appreciative :) I'm leaving it wrapped until the 25th, but can you guess what it is...?

6. On Sunday I finally - after many months of procrastination, DVDs getting lost in the post (and my flat), and life getting in the way - watched the edit of Acquiescence that Michael Stamp sent me some time ago. There's backstory here: after two days of hardcore editing, by the end of which we were both pretty pleased we'd got the structure we wanted for the story, he suffered a software failure. The file got corrupted, and our hard work was lost. Michael, bless him, spent ages recreating the edit from memory, and as I didn't have time to travel back down to go over it with him, popped it in the post to get my feedback. He really shouldn't have had to wait as long as he did (and I daresay I will come to regret it next time we meet up!) but re-watching it reminded me how invested I am in this film, and how much I want to get it right so I can show it to people.

(As it turns out, the only sensible thing for me to do is travel down again in January to help out with the final stage. Man, film-making around a fulltime job is a slow, slow hobby. I wish I could do it full time ... but I'm working on that. And then I daresay I'll miss doing everything else. I am not designed by nature to only do one thing at a time.)

7. The last sections of Strictly Come Spanking have been released! I'm saving them to watch after I finish work tonight, but voting on the finalists ends tonight, so if you haven't downloaded them yet, go and do that now. And then vote, because that will make the lovely people at Northern happy :)

8. Speaking of voting, some kind soul (I don't know who, as I can't find the comment) has nominated me for the Spanking Spot's Spanking Blog of the Year award. I don't realistically stand a chance against such internet superstars as Chross and Pixie, and I don't think I deserve to win after how erratic my posting has been lately. But you should vote - even if it's not for me. :)

9. It's been snowing in London, but I've learned my lesson and haven't attempted any more naked snowy photoshoots. In fact, come to think of it I haven't been spanked since the cold snap landed (although if Tom's and my thoughts were deeds, I'd have been over his lap a dozen times in the last few days. Instead we have been making kinky eyes at one another in company, and then crashing in a tired heap as soon as we're alone. Ah well).

Luckily, I can live vicariously through Emma Jane, who endures all sorts of things so I don't have to. Like a punishment spanking in the snow, in front of a crowd of friends, which started with HH rubbing snow into her bottom before smacking her. *shiver* I am extremely glad that wasn't me. But I don't mind sadistically enjoying the image from afar...

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Tags: al fresco spanking, awards, Control and Reform, DVD releases, Jimmy Holloway, learning curves, Michael Stamp, Northern Spanking, otk spanking, paddle, porn production, Zille Defeu, Zoe Montana


foam-born Aphrodite

Posted at 18:38 on 24 May 2009 by Pandora / Blake

There's so much I want to tell you, but my head is so full I don't know where to begin.

I'll start with yesterday. We didn't make it to the kinky party in the end. Tom was held at work for a series of frustrating and bizarre reasons, and by the time he got home he was (understandably) too exhausted to contemplate getting a train.

I'd been waiting for him all day; not in a needy way, but I liked the idea of spending the day relaxing in his bed, steeping in the memories of the last few intense days and not pushing myself to leave the house or do anything, really, apart from relax and recover. Home was where work and stress resided and I wasn't ready to face it alone quite yet. So I lazed in bed and read, cooked myself breakfast, drank juice and chatted to his housemates. After I was up, Jimmy came home from his first session as a pro spankee, drained but enjoying the straightforward sense of achievement. We swapped stories and I lent him my aloe vera gel.

When Tom got home that evening, I was in bed, reading and dozing. I was sleepy, but also much more relaxed than I've been for most of the last two months. I'm still, however, thinking in film ideas, and during my bath I'd come up with a concept for an erotic D/s clip. While I was enjoying my bathtime fantasy I'd mentally cast Tom as the top, so I showed him the notes I'd written up on my netbook:

Aphrodite rising from the foam

Slow pan/closeups of girl in bath, shot moving up her legs and body to reveal she is tied with wrists above her head probably to something outside the bath (towel rail?) with her feet at the tap end. Ideally a clawfooted bath long enough to let her stretch out. She is twisting dreamily in the water, covered in bubbles.

Her Master comes in while she is dozing. He is carrying a thin, whippy straight-handled cane; almost a switch. He leans over her in the bath and strokes it over her body. She does not respond much at first, dozing and dreaming, but as he flicks it slowly up her inner thigh she opens her eyes and looks at him. She murmurs, whimpers as he continues to whip her lightly, all the while looking into her eyes. As the strokes get harder she protests a little, not seriously. In response he takes firmly her by the throat, tells her she is his. He switches her breasts, fondling them roughly between strokes with a wet and soapy left hand. She arcs in the water, surrendering.

When her breasts are hot and stinging, and she is flushed with steam and sweat, he carefully twists her onto her front and tells her to keep her bottom lifted out of the water. He canes her slowly, methodically, flicking foam with the tip. Her bottom is a red globe, rising smoothly out of the water and surrounded by white bubbles. She moans and struggles in the slippery bath, her head pillowed on one of her bound arms and her feet kicking. He grabs her ankles in one hand and continues to cane her with the other. When he has whipped her to his liking, he pulls her head back by her hair and kisses her deeply. His hand rubs suds over her welted bottom and he reaches beneath her to caress her breasts...

Tom liked the idea, and we spent a little while debating whether we should try to persuade AJR to model for it (because she looks so pretty covered in bath bubbles, as the above photo from Northern Spanking demonstrates) or whether we should cast ourselves because then the ending could get as steamy as we liked.

I mean, okay, I'm not daft. I knew that showing him my writing would put him in a certain mood, just as I knew that when I asked if he could put aloe on my bruises from the shoot, it would inevitably result in a spanking for me. We were both tired, but we were attuned to each other after the intensity of the last few days, and throbbing with sexual tension. I was still sleepy from my doze after the bath, and physically worn out: when he arranged me over his knee I flopped on either side as if there was no strength in my body. I was so dozy I can't remember how he began: with his hand? With the little switch/cane that had featured in my fantasy? If he didn't start with it he certainly moved onto it quickly, playing it over my skin in tiny, precise strokes that spoke to his training as a fencer.

I remember that I had been longing for him so acutely, all the time I'd been at home on my own, that I never resisted. I remember that all the desire to indulge ourselves alone, at home, which had built up while we were shooting exhaled and found release. I know he was gentle, very gentle, wary of my bruises and my physical fatigue, building me up oh-so-slowly with a delicate flickering over my sensitised cheeks. I moaned, I gasped, I purred, I arched my back, every movement slow and languorous.

I can't remember what order things happened next. He arranged pillows for me in the center of the bed, and I eased myself over them, hands clasped above my head. He continued to switch me for what felt like hours, barely hurting me, dancing the tip over my skin in a pattern that awakened every inch of flesh. When the harder strokes came, on the tops of my thighs and the curve of my bottom, I welcomed them, panting as I lifted my hips for more. He stroked my bottom continually, hand and switch swapping in an endless caress of pleasure and pain.

He got the riding crop out and gave me twenty-four harder strokes, swapping sides every so often and wrapping several stinging strokes around my left cheek, which had been less touched by the shoot. At first he asked me to count the strokes, and thank him for each one: I did so quietly, gratefully, without the usual pause between the stroke and my response. My body arced and twisted as the sensations increased but I never once cried out in fear. Time seemed to lengthen as I floated in a haze of dark, brimming over with peacefulness and trust. He paused after the first six to rub my sore bottom, and in those long seconds I drifted away completely, into another universe, populated by deep currents and sparks of light. When he asked me to remind him of the count so far I was dragged back to my body with a wrench. "Six, sir." I inhaled. Exhaled. "Sir, is the counting intended to keep me in my body?"

He paused, and I sensed him extending his awareness, understanding my meaning. "No," he said, very quietly, after a while. "I will keep the count for you. You may fly free, my beloved."

I rocked on the ocean of the next eighteen, floating with no resistance as wave after wave crashed over me. The kinetic energy of the impact was immediately transformed to something else, some other electricity that crackled through my body before earthing itself in a place I could not name.

Ironically, of course, after that one quick conversation, I didn't fly away completely. I didn't enter that trippy, trance state where my sensory experience ceased to be bodily at all; where pain ceases to register as pain and is absorbed by the body as some other kind of energy. But I was close. As I think back, the primary sensory memory is not of lying in that bed, but of being suspended among starfields. At the last few hard strokes, my spine twisted and my head snapped back, but I barely made a sound.

Afterwards - or maybe before, I honestly don't know - he turned me over and lightly whipped my breasts and nipples with the switch. My whimpers turned to moans of purest pleasure. As he moved between my legs and my feet curled around his head, he picked the switch back up and continued to whip my breasts as he entered me. I remember being impressed by his co-ordination, just before the sensations overwhelmed me completely and I abandoned myself to his steady hands.

Now I'm home. I miss him so much. Our relationship has been re-forged in the fires of this week, and after sharing so much together being away from him hurts like a physical ache. I'd already decided to write this before he asked me to, but because he did this is dedicated to him.

For my hard-working, talented, beautiful Sir, from his devoted and wanton wench. x

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Tags: Amelia Jane Rutherford, dominance and submission, Fantasies, Jimmy Holloway, kink, other pictures, Photos, Thomas Cameron



Posted at 18:50 on 7 Apr 2009 by Pandora / Blake

We went to Subversion with my beautiful friend Jimmy, who looked deliciously debonair in silver-framed sunglasses and a matching corset.¹ We were there early, despite a leisurely getting-ready that involved me spending an hour on totally experimental facepaint.

I've only ever done cat-face once before (my ex-girlfriend and I made masks based on Mungojerry and Rumpelteazer when I was 14) and it clashed horrendously with the cutesy, 'Gothic Lolita' clip-on kitty ears and joke-shop tail, but I got lots of compliments despite the weird fusion, so I think I pulled it off.

Of course, I realised before we actually got to the club that Puss in Boots was the companion of Dick Whittington, local North London hero, not Dick Turpin, infamous highwayman. D'oh! So, er, not only was I inhabiting a weird-ass fusion of Rumpelteazer and Hello Kitty, but also I was sidekick to the wrong guy. Like some strange crossover fairytale fanfiction.²

It was okay in the end, though. No-one noticed, not least because mostly people assumed Tom was a pirate. (This happens to him quite a lot.)

In which I look manically evil, and Tom looks somewhat tired. Oh well, at least my red kitty ears match his bandanna.

My highwaymen friend and I spent a while exploring and getting the feel of the place. The venue, Hub, is the Metropolitan University Student Union, or at least one of them. When it was empty at the start of the night, the atmosphere was slightly jarring. Dancefloor and cloakroom downstairs, dungeon with bar area/sofas upstairs, and another dungeon on the floor above that, lined with diner-style booths. The posters on the wall are all vanilla and studenty, and not much effort had been made with decoration - it was basically a student union full of fetish furniture and fetishists.

But oh, what furniture! One glance was enough to convince you that this was a player's club, in a way that no other London club I've been to really is. As if two floors of playspace wasn't enough, there was a seriously thoughtful (and expensive) range of furniture, including at least three suspension cages, a gallows, two medical chairs, numerous crosses and spanking benches and trestles ... and no-one was sitting on any of it, and there was space for scenes to take place next to each other, and honestly, it was like being a six-year-old in a sweet shop. The range of choice was overwhelming.

It was mostly empty when we got there, and there were only a couple of people we knew, so we mostly interacted with each other. We started playing in the top dungeon. I was bent over the spanking bench in the corner, which held my thighs apart like the ones in these photos, and we'd barely begun when several camera flashes, seen out of the corner of my eye, made me jump. I'm used to a strict no-cameras rule in dungeons, and the idea that people might be photographing me made me horribly self-conscious. Of course, I'm used to being photographed, but only when I'm working, and I wasn't meant to be working, I was meant to be being Tom's sub, and suddenly I couldn't relax and argh.

He stopped shortly after that, and cuddled me while I sobbed into his shoulder, smearing my facepaint everywhere. Of course I wasn't hurt badly - it was just the usual shock of having a scene end unexpectedly, of feeling like the worst sub in the world, despite his reassurances.

Eventually, though, I felt better, and we tried again. We waited for a different spanking bench to become free, Tom lurking by the wall of the playroom and me kneeling at his feet. The couple using the bench were twice our age, faces lined with laughter and sorrow, and every inch of their bodies alight with love. Her ample behind was well marked, and we watched as he gently brought her back up out of what must have been an incredibly intense scene. She was floating, semi-conscious, leaning on him for support. We tried our best not to intrude, or make them feel rushed. It was beautiful to watch their tenderness with each other. Tom and I exchanged a glance, wordlessly, that meant I hope that's us in thirty years' time.

Despite our intimacy, the second scene was difficult. Tom was patient with me, but my pain threshold had plummeted and the tiniest smack made me jump. I just couldn't seem to relax. Eventually he gave me eighteen with my medium tawse, which is normally a warm-up implement, and I jolted and wept my way through them as if they were the most vicious of canestrokes. Afterwards I was rewarded with compliments and cuddles, but I felt silly for being such a wuss.

But I'd got through it, and that helped center me. I was up for playing again later in the evening, but mostly we were aware, now that the place was filling up, of how few people we knew. Subversion lacked the showiness of many London clubs, but it made up for it in sociability. Everyone, it seemed, knew everyone, and the atmosphere was warm and friendly.

Still, we were nervous of starting up a conversation with strangers, but Tom soon took the plunge with a good-looking couple we'd admired earlier in the evening: a wiry, sharp-eyed man and his red-haired, beautifully tight-corseted sub.

We clicked; we flirted. They were from Dublin, and kinksters to the core. We were soon swapping stories and talking about some surprisingly intimate topics. When Tom asked me surreptitiously if I'd be interested in a double scene, I nodded at him, eyes alight with anticipation.

The Irish couple said thankyou, but no; on any other night they would, but tonight they had stuff going on, and weren't really in the right headspace to play. Of course, we said, not a problem, and carried on the conversation, enjoying getting to know each other anyway.

After a while, however, Tom (he's a sneaky bastard when he wants to be) drew me to my feet and rested my hands on the outside of the cage we were seated next to. I arched my back as he started to crop me. Everything felt right; the wine and the conversation had relaxed and stimulated me, and I was enjoying being watched and showing off to the crowd that started to gather. No problems with my pain tolerance now.

Afterwards our new friends were very complimentary, and I knelt by Tom's feet, nuzzling his thigh, enjoying the high of my recent whipping. After a little while I went to the bar to fetch people's drinks, and when I came back Tom had that look in his eye, the one that means, I've got plans for you, wench.

I barely had time to hand him his drink before I was over his left knee, facing into the corner of the group seating. I don't remember what was said but soon two hands were spanking me - Tom and S, the Irish Dom. I gasped and wriggled enough to show my appreciation, but not enough to put them off - I was well warmed up now, and S was being understandably careful with a new sub. Soon enough, however, S had got some toys out, and I was treated to a very fast, light whipping with a hand-tipped riding crop (I had no idea what it was at the time) and various other crops and paddles, often two at once. None of it was particularly severe, but it was rapid and tingly and delicious, and sharp enough to keep my interest.

When I felt soft, small hands start to tentatively stroke my thighs and flanks and the tips of my breasts, I thought I might melt.

I don't know how long I stayed there, being spanked by the two men and stroked by P, the red-haired sub. I know that when P started kissing me the sensation was so overwhelming I couldn't even feel the strokes landing on my bottom any more, although they were hard, and I had welts the next day. I know that watching Tom kiss P, slowly and deliberately, was deliciously hot. And although I'm not usually sexually interested in men who aren't my Doms (two is enough for me), being kissed by S was extremely pleasant. He held me lightly in his narrow hands, and his body rang with restrained power.

I submitted to being tied into a rope harness by him. I felt light-headed with pain and pleasure and desire. He worked quickly and skilfully, and with my arms pinioned behind my back and my breasts peaked and swollen I felt like I was floating. The three of them played with me a while, but my attention was rapidly closing in on Tom. Our new friends were delightful, but what my Dom and I wanted and needed was to go home and fuck each other senseless. So we did.

Happy birthday, Sir. It was my pleasure to serve you this weekend, and I hope to many more times in the future. And I think we'll definitely be going back to Subversion again.

1. Jimmy continues to be the only boi in my life I have any interest in spanking, and I still can't work out how much of the desire arises from my own kink and how much arises from me empathising with his need to be spanked. I considered suggesting a three-way scene to Tom on Saturday, but we were out to celebrate Tom's birthday, and I felt that as his sub it behoved me to put him first, just for tonight. (Later, when I mentioned the idea to Tom, he said he'd had pretty much exactly the same sequence of thoughts. Next time, then.)

2. I told this story to D. last night, and he grinned at me. "If anyone asked," he said, "you should have told him that you had two Dicks, and the other one was at home."

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Tags: dominance and submission, Jimmy Holloway, kink, making a scene, Photos, Thomas Cameron


Introducing Jimmy

Posted at 02:05 on 23 Feb 2009 by Pandora / Blake

My plans to produce queer-friendly porn focussing on the female gaze continue apace. On Friday I had the first test shoot for a new site I'm hoping to launch. It was photos only, this time, with a new model and a new photographer. I'm very new to this as well, so I wasn't at all sure how it would work out. But it was a promising start, and I'm confident that we'll learn and improve as we go on.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to young Jimmy Holloway?

Believe it or not, he'd never modelled before. I've been talking to him about it for months, and am extremely gratified that he's finally taken the plunge. He was a natural.

He's also extremely spankable...

I had far more fun playing the top role for this shoot than I'd expected. I think, in fact, I think I might have a little bit of a switch side after all. Some of it was the intense feedback loop I was getting from Jimmy's enjoyment of being spanked. But there was a tiny, gleeful streak of sadism in there as well; sheer delight in making him wriggle and flush, in being able to make him feel the way I like feeling.

I can't see my switch side surfacing in private any time soon. But on camera? I am very much looking forward to the next time, although I'm nervous about the responsibility and still, irrationally, slightly guilty for hurting Jimmy in the first place, no matter how many times he tells me not to be silly. I'm thrilled that he enjoyed the shoot, though, and that he's interested in working with me again. I think he looks great on camera. Our photographer for the day, Tricia Sullivan, really helped bring him out of himself. I love what she did with the natural light, I think the colours are amazing.

The new site is going to be a while in the making. I'd planned to work on it over the next month or two and hope to launch sometime this year, but work has just got really busy and I'm unlikely to have time to devote to my own projects for a while. On the upside, work means money, so hopefully if I defer work on the site til the summer I'll be able to get stuck in with a higher budget and better resources. And more time to plan never hurt anyone. I'm impatient, though!

We do have our first film shoot already booked, so I'll be doing that in a couple of weeks before putting everything on the back burner. I'm so excited about getting started that I'll almost certainly find time to squeeze in some editing at the weekends. I'll update you all as soon as I have more news :)

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Tags: Jimmy Holloway, Male spanking models, other pictures, Photos, porn production, switching


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