One of the things I love about working with Nimue is that she always opens my mind to new kinks. She is, hands down, the most interestingly filthiest person I know, which given the company I keep is quite an accolade. I love her mind, her acceptance of the darkest facets of her kinky psyche, and the way her fetishes and play personas combine strength and vulnerability in such fascinating ways.

On our most recent shoot she wanted to shoot a scene that was new to me - a point of view humiliation scene with me providing instructions and verbal abuse from behind the camera. This wasn't something I would normally consider, but I always feel very open to new ideas when I'm working with Nimue. She showed me the props she'd brought - a cheap blonde wig, make-up, high heels - and we discussed what she wanted, particularly the language.

Nimue is one of the few people I know who fetishises abusive language relating to her size. "Piggy" is her pet name from her top, and she enjoys "fat pig" humiliation play that criticises her body. As a submissive, this is a huge no for me - just as food control and starvation is another hard limit, another thing Nimue enjoys toying with. I admire the strength of character in someone who can choose to reclaim fatphobic slurs as a form of kinky play, thereby stripping them of their real-world power to hurt. Nimue described the mentality to me as follows - "I know I'm fat, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Call me fat, and you aren't insulting me, just stating a fact." She is no more immune to insecurity about her looks than the rest of us, and it takes a real strength of mind to resist and subvert the body-shaming messages we are bombarded with in media and advertising by turning them on their head, and using them as tools for kinky head games of her own devising.

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Kink

• I loved this Sinful Sunday image by Sub Bee. Trick or treat!
• Erica Scott's wooden hairbrush spanking from Paul Kennedy is getting some positive attention. From my vantage point behind the camera, I thought it was super hot.
• How do you find a partner who shares your interest in spanking? Jillian Keenan is here to help.
• It turns out your sexual fantasies aren't all that strange - new research backing up Charlie Glickman's stance that when it comes to sexuality, no-one gets to be normal. Girl on the Net, as ever, has an excellent take on this study, emphasising that no sexual fantasy is wrong, even if it isn't common - and that not every kinky fantasy wants to be acted out.

• Nimue's World has re-launched! Nimue Allen is now the sole owner-director of her own indie BDSM porn site - and there's some amazing new content coming out of it. Check out these blogposts about what's changed - and why having control over her own content is so important to her.
• Charities wont take porn money unless they can keep it a dirty secret. "Its not that nonprofits wont take money from the adult entertainment industry. Oh no, they simply wish the whole affair to be discreet."
• Failsafe porn to watch with a new boyfriend, a fantastic article by Girl on the Net on how to introduce the porn you like to your new lover. Namechecks MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, Bright Desire, and Clips4Sale - it's good to see the truly democratic, grassroots world of DIY porn given some love. I would also add PinkLabel.tv to the list.

• What does an orgasm look like? Some truly awesome artworks submitted to Girl on the Net's competition (sorry, she just keeps on being interesting!)
• You've probably seen it already, but this drone-shot porn is beautiful. "The plan was to take beautiful landscapes and just put people fucking in them."
• Feminist porn director Jennifer Lyon Bell shares six practical tips for shooting porn. I found number five particularly interesting - and something I could do more of.
• Some responses to Zoe William's Guardian article on ethical porn (on which more later, but meanwhile you can read my first impressions here). Erotic Scribes: "Porn is here to say 'Your fantasies are OK' when nobody and nothing else is going to say it." Yes = even if those fantasies are totally pervy. And the Telegraph acknowledges that "times are changing" - the radical idea that porn might not all be universally misogynistic and unethical (even though Gail Dines is still claiming women don't watch it). Also, apparently I'm the future of capitalism. Hokay.
• I love this new sensual film by Ms Naughty, which screened for the first time in Berlin: Tactile. Watch the full film at Bright Desire.

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Kink

• On Thursday I was lucky enough to be present at my friend Nimue Allen's most intense, ambitious scene yet - a forced headshaving fantasy incorporating psychological torture, betrayal, degredation, cold caning, belly punching, water torture and more. It was an ultra-small crew, just me, Nimue, her top (The Boss), and one other camera operator (her partner Rosie), which made the whole thing very intimate. It was one of the most electrically intense BDSM scenes I have ever taken part in, and I was honoured to hold space and bear witness as Nimue pushed herself to her limit.

• In "scientific studies that surprise no-one" news, Kinky Sex Might Get You High: BDSM Makes For Altered States, Study Says
• Jilly Boyd has embarked on a series of reviews of Dreams of Spanking - part one looks at equestrian film 'Lady Godiva'.
• Hit Me with Your Best Shot: 3 Ways BDSM Made Me More Mindful. "After a scene I feel calmer; in days that follow I actually feel more in charge of my body and my mind than before. I dont find weakness in my submission in the bedroom, I find pleasure and presence and peace."
• Relatedly, I also enjoyed the second series in Jilly's month of posts on spanking, What I think about when I think about spanking. "It centres me. More than any amount of yoga or mindfulness or meditation has ever done."

Porn

• What happens when the state confiscates scandalous literature? You end up with an enormous secret library of pornography.
• The Pearl - Victorian porn at its finest. A raunchy Victorian magazine published by by William Lazenby, full of whipping and flogging, which perfected the art of tease-and-denial. "So what does the pornography of a famously buttoned-up era look like? It looks deeply, profoundly perverted."
• Violet Blue's latest open source sex round up: "The boys club of adult film is slowly disbanding, and more women are watching, creating and, (more importantly) discussing porn."
• And that's not the only feminist porn in the news; here's yet another article attempting to define feminist porn. I liked this bit: "Its not all about the orgasm its about letting your inner pervert out."
• From the CrashPad Series, a fantastic post detailing 7 ways to access their members-only content for free or on a budget. This is an amazing approach, I've been thinking of doing something similar for Dreams of Spanking.
• Feminist porn award winner 2014 Lucie Blush has launched a new paysite called Lucie Makes Porn, which includes her film 'Alice Inside' which I saw screened in Toronto. Definitely worth checking out.
• Australian feminist porn starlet Aeryn Walker has some tough words on censorship and Visa/Mastercard regulations. "Menstruation porn is outright banned which I think is sexist and prudish as fuck!"
• And finally, I couldn't leave out Zoe Margolis' new tumblr Daily Male Objectification. Because women like to look at men too.

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Last weekend was another working weekend. It wasn't without its highlights; for instance, painting Nimue Allen with a pattern of fire and autumn leaves over a shared bottle of wine, before taking nude photos of her resplendent with flames (for her site Nimue's World) was a pretty good example of ways in which working in porn can be ridiculously awesome.

After that fun interlude on Friday night I needed to spend Saturday and Sunday editing video for Dreams of Spanking. Inbetween I visited D's place on Saturday evening to lift weights (he has a rack and bench in his spare room), eat dinner and spend some time together.

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A couple of weeks ago I was invited to speak at Gender Sex London on the topic of the female gaze in kinky porn, alongside male performer Michael Darling. It was a great evening, with a really positive reception and lots of thoughtful contributions from those who attended. You can read a storify of live tweets from the evening here.

I'll post the text of my one-hour talk in two parts.

--x--

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Fun fact for the day: The word "figging" derives from the 18th century word "feague", which meant "to put ginger or live eels up a horse's backside". The purpose of which was "to make the horse lively and carry his tail well".

Thankfully, it's not live eels but good old ginger that is employed in the new film on my friend Nimue's site Nimue's World; and, of course, on a hapless maidservant rather than a horse. There's an extended free video trailer for this scene which you can watch here.

Kitty knew the rules when she agreed to the job. The Master of the house is very strict when it comes to inappropriate behaviour between his staff, and when he hears that Kitty has been caught in bed with the Butler, he takes matters into his own hands. He doesn't usually get involved in the punishments of the lower staff, but Kitty is young and attractive, and he seizes the chance to take advantage of the poor girl.

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The other weekend I headed up north to join a small gathering of people celebrating the launch of Nimue's World - the homegrown, boundary-pushing, performer-centric brainchild of Nimue, which launched before mine last year and which I am rapidly starting to think of as Dreams of Spanking's sister site. It was great to catch up with Nims for the first time since our sites launched, and meet her lovely poly family. They'd just come back from shooting with Will and Janna, and I heard all about the scenes they'd filmed as they bounced and decompressed.

I absolutely love the photos from the latest update from that shoot, Bring My Tea. As I know that Nimue and Janna are, like myself, inveterate tea drinkers, there's something inherently amusing about making it the theme of a spanking scene. But the photos are as stylish and elegant as any I've ever seen, to the extent that I had real difficulty choosing which ones to share with you.

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I woke up to a fantastic piece of news on Friday, which will bring delight to anyone who has similar taste in porn to me. Nimue's own kinky paysite, Nimue's World, is now live and open to members.

You may have seen Nimue getting spanked on Northern Spanking, English Spankers and Spanking Sarah, and her performance work also includes extreme BDSM and bondage, camming and getting naked in public. She brings all her interests together in Nimue's World, a groundbreaking website which not only bridges the genres of spanking, BDSM, bondage and queer sex, but is one of the very few UK porn sites singlehandedly produced and directed by a female spankee.

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To my delight, more and more spanking models are launching their own sites. This isn't a new phenomenon - some of the oldest and best sites around are performer-led - but it's pleasing to see the numbers increase. After all, what better way to ensure that the porn you're watching is ethical than to know it's independent and homegrown, with no directors or decision-makers other than the primary spankee? When, like me, you prefer to watch scenarios with a non-consensual edge, that security becomes all the more important.

My own baby will be some time in coming, but US model Sarah Gregory has recently launched her own site, Sarah Gregory Spanking, which I've been watching with great interest, and which seems to be reaching a consistently high standard with a strong sense of authenticity and fun. And to my great pleasure, other UK models are getting in on the action - such as the geeky, poly, switchy Nimue, whose forthcoming site will be live at NimuesWorld.com sometime in the next few months.

Like mine, Nimue's kinks bridge the boundaries of BDSM and spanking, and her site will reflect her broad range of interests from traditional CP to bondage, D/s and hot queer action. When she had a model cancellation last week I jumped at the chance to help out a fellow lady entrepreneur, and get a sneaky preview into what her project was about while I was at it.

In the intervening week I managed to come down with a hell of a cold, and even after three days of reluctant bedrest I still wasn't quite 100% come Monday. The situation wasn't improved by a night of bizarrely persistent insomnia, despite the help of Night Nurse and D's very comfy bed. Still, I made it onto the early train, and in the event my croaky voice was more of a hindrance than the sleep deprivation. Nimue was very understanding about the lack of voice (huskiness is less forgivable in schoolgirls than vanilla adult porn!) and I kept tiredness at bay with performance adrenaline, and a constant stream of cups of tea.

The first clip went through several changes of plan. Originally it was meant to be a piano lesson with some hand caning - until we found out that the piano space in the studio was more industrial decay than schoolroom. Nimue suggested a student sneaking into an old junkroom or attic to play without permission, but that lovely idea was scuppered by the loud building works taking place overhead. So we moved into the classroom setup - but now I needed something to be punished for.

I floated an idea based an email I'd received, a true school story of the day my correspondent wore two pairs of pants to detention, fearing that they'd get whacked. They weren't - but oh, what if they had! We decided to take it to extremes: I put on as many pairs of knickers as I physically could.

The trickiest bit was getting it to look reasonably inconspicuous from the outside. If I'd had advance warning I'd have packed some gym knickers to go on top, but I had to make do with layering a pair of black shorts with a pair of black briefs; one covering the hems underneath at the top, one at the bottom. Below them I had three pairs of patterned knickers and one pair of white shorts. A knicker fetishist's bonanza! They felt slightly odd to sit on, delightfully silly and ever so naughty. I had to struggle to keep a straight face as I sat in detention, writing out lines.



As I bend over for the inevitable tawse, the teacher's suspicions are raised by the unusual sound it makes - and the fact I'm taking the strokes far better than he expected. My cunning ruse is rumbled! So, of course, I'm taken over the knee and spanked over each pair of knickers in turn, the spanking becoming increasingly effective until it reaches bare flesh.



Not only that, but I'm awarded a stroke of the cane for every pair until I've learned that 'cheats don't prosper'.

I actually ended up getting about 12 strokes so we could get the different camera angles we needed. Not that I minded. I don't usually need much persuasion to take the cane.

The next scene was Nimue's chance to get in front of the camera and be a prize bitch. We were two fashion models, conveniently allowing cameraman to play photographer and our real photographer to take stills while we were filming, with flashes for once in character.

Jealous of being put in flat shoes while her taller co-model towers over her in heels, Nimue gets her revenge - and gives the photographer some shots he wasn't quite expecting.



Finally, we did something new for me, although not so much for Nimue. Although BDSM activities are a regular part of my private sex play, they aren't something I do much on camera - and until now, only if I was shooting with one of my partners. When I found out that Nimue was after some BDSM content, I realised that my habitual reticence is mostly my reluctance to do this sort of thing with male tops - I hadn't had the opportunity to film a BDSM scene with a woman before.

We discussed my limits: no intimate touching below the waist, but breast play is fine; pinwheels and electricity aren't hot for me; bondage clamps, gags, blindfolds, kissing, throat/breath play and whipping all good. I was also up for some hot wax, but the candles didn't get packed. Next time!

We set up a simple little D/s scene on the four poster bed. No acting, no complicated plot, just two people connecting. I wore wrist and ankle cuffs, and crawled in at my lady's summons. She put me in a chest harness and tied me spreadeagled on the bed. The position was superficially comfortable, but I quickly realised what a strain it put on my thighs, and by the end they were shaking. I was teased, tormented, and thoroughly toyed with. Nimue experimented on me playfully, carefully, always measuring my reactions, her eye contact warm and constant. I quickly developed a healthy respect for her sadism, but it still felt natural to grin and make the occasional pert remark.

It was the first time I'd explored a new D/s connection with someone on camera, and it was fascinating. It was clearly bounded by professional limits, and didn't contain the depth or passion of my romantic partnerships - but the energy and trust we exchanged was real, and I felt very comfortable and safe in Nimue's hands.

And, I'll admit, it was hot. She whipped my vulnerable chest and belly with a tiny, sharp-thonged flogger; made me jump and squirm with cruel smacks on the front of my stockinged thighs; attached clamps to my nipples and hung weights off the chain; slapped my breasts a lot and caned them with a thin switch. Yeah, it was hot.



As I headed home, hindered by tiredness, it took me some time to get my head around the newness of the experience, the things it was and the things it was not. I felt unusually chaste that evening, despite the company of the lovely Penny; played out for the day, perhaps, or just physically exhausted. But that was just an adjustment process; I have no regrets whatsoever. What a lovely treat to enjoy such pleasures as part of one's job. I definitely wouldn't object to doing it again, if the circumstances are right.

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