Want to read more? Join my Patreon community

A spanko's guide to long-distance relationships

Posted at 15:00 on 22 Dec 2020 by Pandora / Blake



I am no stranger to the difficulties of a long-distance relationship. I now live with my long-term partner and child, but there was a large chunk of my life where I lived alone and travelled to see my partners. Sometimes it was a bus ride, and sometimes a long train journey. 

I've learned a lot and I'm still continuing to learn - the pandemic has introduced new obstacles for us to overcome, and has forced us to come up with ever more creative ways to stay connected. Particularly as spankophiles, it can be challenging to feel close to your partner when your usual way to connect is taking them over your lap. As Erica Scott puts it, we have a fetish that is not exactly conducive to social distancing.

I was therefore delighted to be asked by Jillian Keenan to be involved in her educational film on long-distance dynamics. This two-parter features so many spanking celebrities it'll make you spin - Princess Kelley May, Stephen Lewis, Ariel Anderssen, Pharaoh Spanks, Madame Samantha B, Cassidy Lau, Miss Rachel, and Erica Scott. It was an honour to be featured alongside my esteemed peers in this film, and I would encourage you to check it out. You may even recognise some of them from the Dreams of Spanking catalogue...

For my contribution, I spoke about the importance of communicating about your communication. This may sound redundant, but you would be surprised how quickly dialogue can break down when you're operating in a medium that one party isn't comfortable using. 

Keep reading »

Tags: collaboration, educational, long-distance dynamics, Patreon, video, Youtube

0 comments

Next Watch Me Write Session: 19th December

Posted at 10:00 on 14 Dec 2020 by Pandora / Blake



It's time for another Patreon Watch Me Write session! Otherwise known as an opportunity to be the first to read my new writing, and to share your perspective on the topics at hand. Which is a pretty big deal, because for the first time I'm inviting you to watch me write my book, live in real time.  

For those who don't know, here's how my Watch Me Write sessions work. On the date and time of the session, you will be given access to a Google Doc where I'm working on my manuscript. Think of it like a live writing hangout. You can nosy at my draft and follow my revision process - moving around big chunks of text, deleting, formatting, and sometimes starting all over again.  You can add comments and interact with my writing in real time, or you can be a lurker and enjoy the process. 

I've done Watch Me Write sessions before with drafting articles, but this is the first ever opportunity to take a look inside the cover of my manuscript. Draft zero of my manuscript is at 20 chapters, and I'm working to distill it into 12. I'm currently working on a chapter exploring where our fantasies come from, so during this session I'll either be working on that or the next chapter, which is about what happens when you try to suppress those fantasies. This is my first time opening the cover of my book to you, so be gentle! 

Keep reading »

Tags: draft, editing, manuscript, Patreon, writing

16 comments

How to come to terms with a kinky sexuality

Posted at 15:00 on 10 Dec 2020 by Pandora / Blake

As I'm revising my manuscript, I'm cutting out sections that don't fit and posting them here. Become a Patron to get access to cut sections about my personal kink journey, and excerpts from what I'm keeping.

Coming to terms with yourself is a lifetime’s work. For me, it took twenty five years to reach the point where I started to really accepted the kinky sides of my sexuality. Since then, I’ve spent a decade deepening my enquiry, and introducing more complexity and nuance as my understanding has evolved. Rather than killing my desire, this deep dive has had the opposite effect. I’m pleased to say that my kinks have survived the process - in fact in some ways I'm kinkier than ever.

When we embark on this enquiry, we might trip over areas where our sexual desires seem complicated by our politics and our values. “I used to enjoy weird sex, then I became woke and stopped” would be a sad story. Luckily, that's not my story, and it doesn't need to be yours. I enjoy kinky sex, my wokeness is a work in progress, and the combination sizzles with delicious complexity.

The book I'm writing is a call for social and self-acceptance of kinky sexuality, and it’s a manifesto for consensual sexual expression and ethical erotic practice.  I’ll come straight out and say it, because you’re going to find out in the first chapter anyway: my sexual fantasies often involve coercion or violence. I've struggled with the question of how to relate to them in a way that feels aligned with my values. Even the thought of enjoying some fantasies in the privacy of my own imagination has made me uncomfortable at times.

If you don’t have these fantasies, and you feel horrified at the idea of someone getting turned on by such a thing, trust me: it doesn’t make us monsters. Just complicated humans, with complicated wants.

If you do have them: welcome. You’re in the right place.

Maybe you have sexual thoughts that you bury because you're worried about causing harm, or because you don’t want to perpetuate violent social patterns. I've met many principled, compassionate kinky people are concerned by the apparent disconnect between their ethical principles and their dirty fantasies. Tops worry that they are terrible people, and bottoms worry that they are self-destructive. But our ethical principles and our dirty fantasies are not only compatible, they can actually mutually support each other.

How kinky fantasies and interpersonal ethics intersect is a complex and fascinating topic. It’s not as simple as “Free expression means I can do what I like”, and nor is it as simple as “Hurting people is wrong”, or “Violent fantasies mean you’ve been brainwashed by the patriarchy”. The truth is, it’s more complicated than that.

I want to inject some nuance into the conversation. Self-acceptance - and even self-love - doesn’t have to be blind or uncritical. It doesn’t have to be based on the idea that ‘anything goes’. The most productive self-criticism comes from an exploration of our own ethics and values, rather than from comparing ourselves with social norms.

I reject the narrative that says because my fantasies are deemed ‘unconventional’ by the risk-averse mass-media entertainment industry, I should feel shame. I am queer, I am trans, I am kinky, and I am not ashamed.

It’s okay to be kinky. It’s also okay to critically examine our sexualities in their social context. Let’s do it together! I’m eager to discover what we can learn by situating our fantasies in wider culture, and using that analysis to develop healthy boundaries and ways of relating.

Creating a more functional, compassionate society starts with the self. Understanding, accepting and loving our whole self, including our sexual desires, is a necessary step to become whole, balanced humans.

Being kinky and principled isn’t a weird accident, or an unresolvable paradox. Rather than contradicting our principles, kinky fantasies can support them by providing a release valve for repressed desires in a controlled, consensual, and pleasurable way.
Kink offers us opportunities to learn about consent, intention setting, negotiation and boundaries - all of which are essential parts of the toolkit for healthy interpersonal relationships.

This is just a taster cut from draft 1 of the introduction, which I ended rewriting in different words. If this tickles your interest, join my Patreon and keep an eye out for updates on the progress of my book. I'm revising 12 chapters which fully dive into the details of how to come to terms with kinky fantasies - watch this space.

Keep reading »

Tags: drafts, excerpt, kink, manuscript, Patreon, patron

0 comments

Yay annual membership!

Posted at 15:00 on 2 Dec 2020 by Pandora / Blake



Patreon has had a spanking new update! Some of you may have seen that they can now facilitate annual membership, paid up front with a tasty discount to give you access to your favourite creators for the whole year ahead. This feature was in beta with selected creators for a time, but it’s been rolled out Patreon-wide which means you can benefit from it!

 

What does this mean for you? Well, that depends. Maybe it suits your finances better to continue paying monthly, and that's totally fine and dandy. For some though, this could be really neat. There’s a fair bunch of you that have been here for years. With the annual membership, you can pay for the entire year in one go and know that you’re set up to enjoy my content without interruption. Not only that, but the annual membership option saves you money! It’s available for every tier, and you get a 16% discount on your membership.  So it’s cheaper, more convenient and entails less work - a win all round!
 

It would be remiss to suggest that the benefits are all on your side. There are also advantages for me as a creator. The first benefit is financial security; by securing funding for the year, I can invest in longer-term projects in the knowledge that the money is there, rather than planning in the short-term. The second is cashflow. As a wise person once said, money now is always better than money later. 
 

Keep reading »

Tags: Patreon, rewards

0 comments

Celebrating 500 Patreon Posts!

Posted at 15:00 on 24 Nov 2020 by Pandora / Blake

It’s hard to believe it, but I now have over 500 on my Patreon! I actually hit this milestone a few weeks ago and in all the chaos of life it passed me by. To be precise, this will be my 512th post to Patreon since I started in April 2016. We’ve been on a rollercoaster of activist causes, legal battles and kinky fun, and I don't intend to stop any time soon. Here’s a highlight reel of some of my favourite moments over the last four years.
 

April 2016 - Did a week of research and sent a ten thousand word response to the Government consultation on age verification - as long as my MPhil thesis!
 

June 2016 - Gave interviews to dozens of publications including The Guardian and The Independent about winning my legal appeal, and Ofcom’s ruling to allow my porn site Dreams of Spanking, to reopen after being criminalised the previous year.
 

Keep reading »

Tags: book, campaigning, media, Patreon, round-up

10 comments

Three Reasons To Become A Patron

Posted at 15:25 on 2 Nov 2020 by eilidh

If you are a patron of my writing and activism, thank you for your support. This post isn't for you. You're welcome to stay and read on, but today I'm talking to non-patrons.
 

Hello, reader who is not a patron! I hope you've enjoyed my public posts. Perhaps you've come here from pandorablake.com, or maybe from my Twitter or a recommendation from a friend. Either way, you're here reading this post and I appreciate it! I'd like to tell you a little bit more about what's going on here on my Patreon. Why do people subscribe, what brings them here, and what keeps them here?
 

1. Be part of something
 

Keep reading »

Tags: activism, Patreon, patron, support, writing

7 comments

A Special Announcement

Posted at 15:00 on 25 Oct 2020 by Pandora / Blake

I'm so excited about this news I'm jiggling in my seat! Hold onto your hats (or whatever other part you want) because I've got a very special announcement to make.
As I've been unpacking my stuff in the new house, I've found a box of sexy postcards featuring some of my favourite photography prints from my work over the last decade.  I want to send them to my favourite people - you!
I'm immensely grateful for your belief in my work, your support for my activism and for all the writing I've been able to do this year thanks to you. I want to treat all my Patrons with a handwritten personalised postcard to say thanks!
I'm offering this for a limited time only, from now until Friday 6th November. Anyone who is a patron pledging $5 or more on 6th November will receive a postcard in the mail written by me personally, tucked into a discreet plain envelope.
This is also a super exciting moment though, because I've just got some lovely designs made for a t-shirt. I've been thinking about this all year and I'm thrilled that it's finally happening. I wanted to create a design expressing my political values that I can wear when I'm out and about, and that you can wear too! It's been fun thinking of possible slogans, and I've settled on a Love Heart style design with the words SHAME LESS. 
It's available in three colourways - they're based on the Kink Pride (red, purple and black), Bi Pride (pink, purple and blue) and Trans Pride (blue, white and pink) flags. They're subtle enough that you won't be outing yourself if you don't want to, and they're suitable for shameless allies to wear too! As well as choosing your SHAME LESS colour palette, you also get to choose the size and colour of the t-shirt, produced ethically and responsibly from 185gsm cotton.
Patrons who are at Advocate level (or above) will not only receive a post card, but will also get one of these new t-shirts. Become a cheerleader for yourself and others, supporting my activism against shame culture!

Keep reading »

Tags: Patreon, reward, shame resilience, special offer, t-shirt

0 comments

The gifts of coronavirus

Posted at 17:56 on 9 Apr 2020 by Pandora / Blake

As this pandemic drags on, we are all experiencing something of an emotional rollercoaster. Grief, fear, frustration, loss, anxiety and exhaustion and perhaps even traumatic triggers are wearing us down. Now more than ever it's important for us to look after ourselves.

For me, part of looking after myself is practising gratitude. Especially when things are tough, gratitude is a mental health practice for me. It's important to lift our spirits, nurture our compassion, and if we are fortunate, to help avoid entitlement. So I thought I'd share some things I'm grateful for in this crisis. Partly for my own benefit, and partly in the hope that they might help you see some of the opportunities and the hopes of the situation, as well as the things that are scary and sad.

Keep reading »

Tags: ableism, COVID-19, gratitude, health, mental health, pandemic, Patreon, politics, self-care, social justice

11 comments

Pandemic strategies - comparing herd immunity and flattening the curve

Posted at 12:05 on 17 Mar 2020 by Pandora / Blake

This post is about government and individual pandemic strategy, what I'm doing, and what I recommend you do too.

If you're in a country which is still figuring this out Iike the UK or US, I'm hoping to convince you to lay in a month or two's supplies as soon as possible, minimise social contact while doing so, and stay home for 4-8 weeks. Not everone can self-isolate, so if you can, I consider it a civic responsibility to do so.

I planned this post yesterday morning. By the time I got time to write it in the evening, the UK government released more information about the rapidly changing landscape, and my planned post is already out of date. I'm writing this as quickly as I can on my phone. It won't be the exhaustively referenced post I'd planned. 

Keep reading »

Tags: COVID-19, health, pandemic, Patreon, politics, strategy

71 comments

Ask me anything video chat tonight!

Posted at 12:39 on 16 Jan 2019 by Pandora / Blake

Blake is creating a better world on Patreon

It's the third Wednesday of the month, which means it's time for my monthly Ask Me Anything video chat! This takes place between 7-8pm on Google Hangouts, and is a space where I can shoot the breeze with members of my community, answer questions, share exclusive news about projects I'm working on and campaigning I'm doing (sometimes long before I get around to typing a blogpost about it) and really just talk about anything we feel like. It's open to members of my Patreon campaign pledging $50/month, and it's a great opportunity to get some facetime with me (even when I'm feeling too tired to leave the house!).

I really enjoy these chats - it's great to get to know the people who share my values and whose political goals are aligned with mine, and I find their questions and perspective really valuable.

Keep reading »

Tags: campaigning, Patreon

18 comments

View all content tagged 'Patreon'

« Older      

Want to read more? Join my Patreon community
Become a Patron!

Find Pandora online

Feminist porn

Spanking porn

Spanking blogs

Sex and Politics blogs

Toplists & directories