So last Sunday I had my second shoot with Bars and Stripes. It's been a while coming. I was first admitted in January 2007, sentenced to 12 months for repeated and aggravated shoplifting - a youthfully naive vendetta against the capitalist system. Bless. Once inside, my character's sulky, self-involved behaviour earned her the contempt of the guards, and her sentence the mistrust of the other inmates. Her social isolation reinforced her sense of victimhood, and all in all, she emerged from her 12 months behind bars more paranoid, angry and socially incompetent than she'd been before.
At her trial two years later, for another incident of theft, she pleaded not guilty. Nonetheless, she was sentenced to another two years. The prison was the same, although it had since moved premises; some of the staff members were familiar, others not. I wanted to leave it deliberately ambiguous as to whether she had committed the crime she was prosecuted for. Her claims of innocence are hard to take seriously given her conviction that everyone is out to get her; on the other hand; her reputation during her previous sentence was undeserved. She didn't indulge in petty theft from other inmates once she was inside - she just wanted to be left alone - but she was treated as if she did, and punished for it too.
My plan for this shoot was that her social paranoia would escalate during her second spell inside until she started doing seriously stupid things, like pre-emptively moving everyone's possessions around so that everyone in her cellblock would be suspect, and she would be less in the spotlight for once. But it didn't quite work out like that. Turns out that plot hinging on a relationship with the other inmates is quite hard to communicate when you don't have any other inmates to hand, so the storyline ended up focussing much more on her relationship with the guards. It was wonderful to work with Paul Kennedy again - such a gentle, clever, warm gentleman who gives hard spankings, intense in-scene eye-contact and amazing post-caning cuddles.
The other guard was someone I hadn't worked with before: a certain Zoe Harrison, whom I've rather fancied ever since seeing her in (as yet unreleased) Control and Reform film Cruel Correction (of which I have a review to post as soon as it's released ... hint hint, Mr Stamp!) Zoe is the hot, deliciously wicked new guard who recently, to my delight, appeared in a Bars scene with her real-life spankee sister Natasha:
(How hot is that?!)
A lot of Zoe's experience to date has been doing F/m work with a rather broader BDSM remit than most spanking porn. I don't know if this as affected her style, but I found myself deliciously plunged into a whirlwind of unfair, vicious, sexy, playful domination which made a delightful change from the traditional "firm but fair" domination normal to the spanking industry. (Firm but fair is also lovelylovelylovely, but I'm a sucker for variety.) The shoot involved some things I haven't done on camera before, some things I haven't done with a woman before, and lots of wonderfully intense psychodrama, mental games, verbal abuse and CP hard enough to make me giddy.
Highlights, for me, included:
- During my intake scene, being held down by Zoe while Paul spanked me - her elbows digging into my back, her weight pressing me to the table. I felt a little long to be bending over that low desk, with my legs stretched out behind me, but I love being pinned down so much I promptly forgot all my self-consciousness.
- Also during my intake: after removing my knickers, I lobbed them moodily at Paul. In response, he picked them up, arched an eyebrow, and proclaimed "These are wet. Disgusting."
"They are NOT!" I squealed in outrage. (Of course, in fact they probably were. But my character isn't kinky, so the guards must have been lying...)
"Harrison. Confirm." He handed them to Zoe, who made a great fuss about how soiled they were before stuffing them into my startled mouth. I was totally taken by surprise. Now, normally I am the first person to go "ew" at this trope in spanking porn, but somehow with these people and in this context it just worked for me. It wasn't about how horny my character was - rather, it was an unfair tool the guards were using to further degrade and abuse me. Which rather set the tone for the rest of the day...
- And yet, tellingly: I was putting on the familiar, too-short red prison uniform, with much moaning and whinging. Before the scene, I'd checked that it fit (the label said size 8, but since it fit over my size 12-14 butt it must have been lying, or else they were cut REALLY loose). However, I'd neglected to check the fit of the regulation black prison panties. Cameras rolling, I pulled them up to just over the knee before realising they weren't going any higher.
"Mmmffmf mffmfmff mm!!" I said. Paul and Zoe watched me expectantly. I pulled my panties back out of my mouth and complained "These are too small, sir."
"Well," sneered Paul without missing a beat, "you'll just have to go without, won't you?" So I did.
After the scene, in the dressing room, I said to Zoe, "By the way, thanks for not taking the opportunity to make a fat joke there. I mean, it would have been in character I guess, but I wouldn't have liked it."
She started at me in astonishment. "God, of course not! We wouldn't do that." Hooray for compassionate tops who take it for granted that they need to be decent about sensitive topics, even in the middle of a humiliating, improvised verbal abuse scene.
- Having Zoe pin my hands flat to the floor with the toes of her stiletto shoes while I was over Paul's knee getting a hard hand spanking. I didn't see that coming at all. She was careful not to crush my hands, but she put enough weight on them that I was trapped and ... oh. I can't describe the sudden, overwhelming, frightening helplessness of it. It was intense.
- Over the course of the shoot I had my face slapped by Zoe about ten times, each one harder than the last. I love having my face slapped - it's not an erotic sensation but the D/s play of it is really powerful. The last was so forceful I skidded across the floor, hair flying and ears actually ringing. (I'd earned it: I think my character had made a comment about whether Zoe's dysfunctionality was a result of her being abused as a child...) I felt shocked and giddy, and as I stared at her, trying to collect myself and I remember thinking very clearly, wow, so THAT'S what they mean in books when they refer to your ears ringing. Afterwads I was practically bouncing up and down with glee. However, I refrained from earning myself another clip round the ear that day.
- After the first full body search Zoe gave me, Michael Stamp stopped us and asked her to do it again more roughly. "Like this," he said, grabbing my shoulders, twisting me off balance, and 'patting' me down with brusque slaps. Zoe watched intently.
"Shall we start again?" she asked Mike.
"No, just give her another one, you don't need a reason, do you?"
I'm sure it's not normal to enjoy your job this much.
- Getting a double paddling from Zoe and Paul. This was my idea, at first - but I'd envisaged, you know, one top on each side, taking turns to whack me at a normal sort of pace. I didn't expect to be grabbed round the waist by Zoe and for them both to start smacking away in unison at top speed. It was agonising, and I couldn't stay still - I yelped and twisted in their grip, bucking helplessly, not even in enough control to stay attractively bent over. It was so. Very. Hot. God, I'm getting turned on again just thinking about it.
- Zoe played the mean, teasing guard to full effect. After I was caught snooping around in someone else's cell (my character was trying to find a razor to shave my legs after Zoe's humiliating comments about how 'stubbly' my character was - I mean, come on, razors aren't normal in prison, are they? But you need friends to get access to the black market...) she bent me over the bunk and spanked me. Then she proceeded to trash the room and abuse me until I admitted having done it myself - and admitted having stolen things from the cell. It got deliriously intense. Reminiscent of those classic doublethink torture scenes; there are five lights...
- Over the course of that scene, Zoe pulled my hair; smacked my face and my legs; shouted at me; threatened to shave my eyebrows off with the razor (and pretended to actually nick a bit off, although she didn't really); made me kiss her shoe ("I'm not hearing kissy noises!"
"I ... don't make kissy noises when I kiss shoes, normally."
"Well you're going to make them now!"); and removed MY shoe, wiped the sole disgustedly on my tunic, and then proceeded to whack me with it over the knee until my whole bottom felt bruised.
- Of course, after Zoe reported my misdemeanours, I was punished for them. A judicial session in the punishment room, stripped naked and bound to the horizontal cross for a whole-body flogging. Taking pity on my battered self, Paul and Malc chose the softest, loveliest of suede floggers, and I took 40 hard strokes on back, bottom and legs. I had to try and react enough to keep the scene visually interesting despite the lack of dialogue, twisting in my bonds and throwing my head back - and of course I had to act as if it was as severe as it looked - but inside I just wanted to float away, hang my head and lie there limp as a rag while the dreamily soft, thuddy, strokes rained down on me and took me straight into subspace... Ahh, it felt gorgeous. Definitely a scene to revisit another day, when I can relax and enjoy it...
- In the final scene, my character, driven to desperation by her friendless situation and the peculiarly focussed and weird torments inflicted on her by Zoe, approached the Guv to offer her services as a snitch, in return for being moved to a different cellblock. I won't tell you how it ends, but I managed to earn myself one more caning before we wrapped for the day. I'd picked the cane called Excalibur: Michael Stamp's pride and joy, stiff and thick and not horribly heavy, with a steel sheath that he just loves to draw it from with a big flourish.
I was more bruised and tired than I realised, and by the time I'd taken 6 firm strokes I could feel the tears start to come. Normally I'd relish the chance to have a good cathartic weep during the last scene of the day, but the storyline demanded my character stay stoic. So I had to cut the scene - "Sorry, I just need a bit of a breather, I'm about to cry and I don't want to do so in character..." and took deep breaths while Mike rubbed my back and made soothing noises. I refused to let them stop the scene there, or give me light strokes for the rest of it - I can't think of anything more frustrating for the viewers, or for me - but they didn't want to push me too far.
In the end we agreed a compromise: I'd take three more light strokes with the camera on my face, and the last three would be medium-hard to finish. I'm not sure how good my acting was - I was a bit shaky and spun out - and I felt a bit cheated when the last three weren't as hard as I could have taken. But I really appreciated their care. Afterwards Mike gave me a massive hug and told me well done for cutting and that it was the right thing to do, which was utterly lovely of him. A couple of years ago I would have felt terrible about it and angsted for hours, but on this occasion I'd quite clearly done it for the scene's sake, and I didn't feel too bad about it. I snuck up to Paul while we were finishing up the stills and claimed a much-needed cuddle, though.
How lucky am I to work with such amazing, warm, empathic people, who know me well enough to take me safely on an emotional rollercoaster, push me to my limits but no further? It was an exhilirating, hot, hard shoot, and I had a huge amount of fun. Now, it's just the long wait until the results come out...
Oh, and we ended on a cliffhanger, so you never know - there might be more of this story to come. I'll leave that in the Governor's hands, though!All stills from my first shoot with Bars and Stripes in 2007.
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