I forgot to renew my domain yesterday. To be fair, for some reason I didn't get an email warning me it was about to expire. So I don't think I deserve a spanking for the fact that pictures on my blog will be down for a day or so. I've renewed the domain now, but it always takes a little while for the DNS to start talking to the server again.

Edit: everything seems to be back up now. That was impressively fast! Thanks to gandi.net who handle all my domains, and whom I can highly recommend :)

Anyway, happy August! In twenty-four days it's my two year anniversary of starting this blog. I missed my first blogiversary, last year, as it fell right in the middle of my break from reading and posting. But I'm here for this one, and I intend to celebrate in style.

I'm having trouble deciding how, though. Obviously it should involve spanking, but ... what exactly? I thought about maybe getting a spank for every blog post that I've made by the 24th, but the number is already 228 (and will be even bigger by then) and I'm not entirely sure I'm happy signing up for that. Plus I'd like something a bit more interactive - like Prefectdt's excellent idea of a spank per comment on a designated post, as pioneered by Pixie. My blog is nowhere near as popular as hers, so I'd hopefully get off relatively lightly ...

What do you think? Any other bright ideas? I'd definitely like to involve my readers in whatever I do, as you are the reason I'm still here :) Whether or not you consider that to be a good thing, writing here has done huge amounts for my understanding of my kinky self, and each and every one of the supportive comments and emails I've received has brought me a little bit of happiness :) (Yes, I'm a comment-whore. Sp spank me!) But most importantly, I've had the honour to meet some truly awesome people, and to get involved in important issues, fascinating debates, funny conversations, and the ongoing mission to create truly hot porn. This is an amazing community, and I'm proud to be part of it.

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I've just posted a few adverts on spanking personals sites, and while I'm at it I thought I'd ask here as well.

No ... I'm not suddenly single and looking for a new spanker! The boys and I are very happy together :) (Although if there are any imaginative, nurturing, dominant ladies out there who fancy giving me my first experience submitting to a woman, drop me a line ... )

I'm advertising for a venue for spanking films. I'm involved with a couple of film projects at the moment, and we're looking for good locations to shoot in. Ideally, we'd like to meet a spanko with a private cottage or country house, who was happy to let us come in and film in it. Venues with old-fashioned interiors would be particularly exciting as some of the projects are period pieces. Obviously we'd be discreet and respect any concerns you had about your home being recognisable from the films, but you would need to be comfortable with letting a camera crew in. We're happy to travel to you, would provide our own camera equipment, and can offer good rates of pay. If you have a suitable venue and would like to help us out, please leave a comment or email me :)

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"I've told my blog that you're going to spank me with my new hairbrush," I said to Tom as I left my desk yesterday evening. He grinned at me. "So it'd be nice if I could post a photo tomorrow, if you take one after my spanking? Would that be okay?"

"Sure," he said, accepting my camera and putting it on the bedside table. "I'm sure something will present itself."

We hadn't played since our dramatic session a couple of weeks ago. I'd been anticipating it all weekend, but as the moment neared I found myself procrastinating. I took a shower, tidied up a bit, and then flopped on the bed, hoping the water evaporating off my damp skin would cool me down a bit. It was too hot to move, and I'd been stressed all day. He waited patiently while I fussed and made small talk, before gently but firmly guiding me over his lap. I was already naked after my shower, and I was still slightly damp as well, although whether from bathing or just fresh sweat provoked by the day's aggressive humidity, I couldn't tell.

I wiggled on his lap, wanting to get into a submissive headspace but aware that I was distracted and fractious in the heat. As he started to spank me I yelped and bit my lip, trying not to flail around on his lap as his hand stung me with little biting smacks. I hadn't been spanked in ages, and it was hot, and it hurt. I found myself giving bratty responses, exaggerating my stroppiness and making a great fuss as a way of defusing my very real tension. But I'm usually so eager to please that we don't really have a framework for engaging with my brattiness, and half the time I think my OTT pouts and shrieks were genuinely aggrieved. He held me firm and told me to be calm, stroked the back of my neck. I didn't want to be calm. I wanted to fuss. I sobbed into the pillows. The over-reaction was sort of helping me get into the right mindspace to accept the pain, but I just couldn't relax enough to be properly submissive.

When he switched to the new hairbrush, it was even worse. Oh god it stung. I don't know how such a small piece of wood could cause so much pain. Was I just out of practice, or was this hairbrush pure, concentrated evil? Maybe something to do with density, or the ratio of surface area to weight? It was heavy, and smooth, and stingy, and it burned, and dear god I could not take it. I started yelling as well as yelping - we aren't normally very verbal during spankings - and during a fast volley of smarks I was shrieking "PLEASE NO, SIR PLEASE NOT SO FAST, NOT SO FAST!" When he paused and rested a warning hand on the back of my neck I think he was surprised. Yelling made it easier to take, and I was getting a perverse enjoyment out of my stroppiness, but it wasn't the response he wanted. He talked to me quietly until I calmed down a bit, and then he slowed the pace, waiting for my reaction to each stroke to die down before delivering the next. I couldn't cope with those spanks at all. Each smack felt like he was touching a red hot poker to my bum. I tried to be quiet but I was so clearly over-sensitive that he eased up a little, and the last few smacks were pitifully light, but I still complained piteously after every one.

He helped me up, we hugged, and talked it over. I wasn't sure if the hairbrush was just made of evil, or if the heat was screwing up my body's responses. Maybe the dampness of my skin was making it worse? I thought that the sensation of the new hairbrush could be very erotic if I wasn't being such a wuss, and I told him that I wanted to try it again sometime. When it was less hot.

In the meantime I felt bad about not taking my spanking like a good girl, and despite the fire in my bottom I said to Tom that I wanted to keep playing. He said he'd been considering getting my tawse out. I thought that a stinging tawse would be horrible in this heat, but I could see why he thought leather might work. So in a fit of stupidity I asked if he had a belt that were suitable. He said yes.

Moments later I was lying over pillows in the middle of the bed, bum raised and fists clenched, waiting for the first awful stroke. He took me by surprise; starting oh-so-light, alternating each stroke with a teasing caress. I was soon getting turned on, the pace of my whole body slowing down, becoming languid as I accepted the increasingly heavy strokes. The belt is an extraordinarily warm implement, yet somehow my sizzling bottom and overheated brain found it deeply soothing. He made me count the last eighteen, and when he'd finished I felt like I'd got the whipping I wanted. I was grinning as he kissed me. The weather was almost so hot and humid that we didn't have the energy to take things to their usual conclusion. But not quite :)

So, no hairbrush photos - in the end the spanking was so difficult and emotional that we didn't get the chance, and although it hurt like hell, the pinkness in my cheeks faded too quickly for it to be worth posing a shot. But I did upload a whole bunch of photos from Tom's phone this morning, including home spanking photos dating back several months. I've used two from March this year to illustrate this post.

(Speaking of phones, mine was stolen today ... which hasn't helped my stress levels. Any of you who had my number, I'd appreciate it if you could drop me an email so I can make sure I have your details. Thanks!)

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Well, I'm back in London from an energetic, happy camping holiday - tanned, tired, fitter and a year older as of last weekend. Neither of my Doms were there to give me a birthday spanking, but I spent a lovely day in the sunshine, and the friends I was away with teamed up to buy me a very generous gift :) London's still sunny, thankfully, but I'm pining to be back outdoors. Being at my desk doesn't seem very inspiring after a week in the fields.

Thanks very much to those who asked questions - I'll answer them each in turn over the next few days, hopefully interpersed with a sexy real-life spanking story or two. (I've got a date with Mr C tonight, and he's making sinister remarks about birthday canings and the disciplinary value of the number 24...)

Q: Why are you not wearing knickers in your photograph?

There are two answers to this question.

The first is that I'm at a private photoshoot in Scotland with an amateur photographer. The house we're shooting at has amazing grounds, and he wants to catch some sneaky outdoor shots in the lovely late afternoon sun. It's February, and although the light is golden it's not warm outside. We've just been indoors shooting some wet knickers photos with some beautiful Victorian porcelain chamber pots. When we go outside my white cotton knickers are still wet, and the combination of cold wind and damp cloth gives me goosebumps. I pose up against the six-bar farm gate, bending over and putting my hands on the wooden bars. Then the photographer directs me up against the yellow wall of the house, and tells me to pull my damp knickers down to my knees. I shiver as my bottom is exposed to the cold breeze. He tells me to lean my elbows on the wall. I can hear cars driving past on the road behind me and am anxious that passersby can see, might think I'm a genuine schoolgirl in disgrace, that the elderly photographer is my strict father. I bite my lip and imagine being told to wait here before being allowed inside, wanting desperately for the humiliation to end, but knowing that when I went into the house a spanking would be waiting for me.

The second answer is that I am wearing knickers, they're round my knees, look. Would I go outside in public with no knickers on? What do you take me for, some kind of tart? :P

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I'm going on holiday tomorrow for a week, and won't be able to post again until the first of July. Elizabeth Simpson and Amber "Pixie" Wells have both opened the floor to questions lately, and I thought this would be a fun thing to leave you with while I'm away.

Is there anything you want to ask me? Anything I've written in here which confused you, or which you wanted me to tell you more about? Anything I haven't written about in here, which you'd like me to? What topics most interest you, what would you like to see more or less of on the blog? I'll be back in a week or so, and hopefully there'll be some interesting questions for me to chew over once I'm home.

Have fun, and play nice :)

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I've just lost two hours of this evening to reading through back-entries in the Lowewood Academy blog. I've been aware of this blog's existence since it was created in 2006, but, knowing how immersive and addictive my friends in the blogosphere was finding it, I decided early on that I didn't have time to get involved.

Since I picked up this blog again I've been getting increasingly addicted to reading spanking blogs. My feeds list at Bloglines (which I highly recommend, by the way) numbers 40 these days, with most of them posting an entry a day, and I keep finding more and more blogs that are worthy of my attention, most of which are listed in the links section in the sidebar. Now, I keep few other blogs scattered around the internet, mostly personal ones for my friends who aren't in the CP scene. Recently I decided that I was losing far too much of my allocated work time to blogging, and cut back on the number of non-spanking journals I was reading in the hope of regaining some discipline. But apparently, the habit is too entrenched to shift so easily. An ever-growing number of spanking blogs have bubbled up to fill the gap in my day that was created by slimming down my personal reading list.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I've just stumbled and fallen into the booklined rabbit-hole that is Lowewood. I can't possibly hope to find time to read the complete archive, and the plots are complex enough that I feel out of my depth. But it's compelling nonetheless: the writing is excellent, the characters engaging, and the stories utterly plausible. I'm not sure I've ever read such convincing, realistic school CP writing, and the range of writers and voices only adds to the richness of the Lowewood universe.

I know that I should be setting a good example. After all, you probably don't have time to spend a week getting lost in the heady library of Lowewood's archived entries either. It's highly irresponsible of me to encourage my readers to fall from grace and spend hours and days that they should be working reading spanking stories. But I suspect that most of you will be doing this whether or not I advise otherwise, and if so you may as well be reading the best there is. And it would be hypocritical of me to preach abstention when I'm apparently completely incapable of practicing it.

I have retained one tiny scrap of self-discipline, however. I'm virtuously refraining from finding out how one applies to become a pupil at Lowewood. Tempted as I am - and oh, I really am - I know full well I don't have time to take on another writing commitment, even if I was invited to do so. I'll stick to reading for now: I'm in way over my head as it is.

I've even started to wonder if I should ask one or both of my doms to start disciplining me for spending time surfing spanking blogs when I should be working. But it seems a bit circular to me, because then I'll just have more tasty punishment scenes to write about and fuel my enthusiasm for reading about CP. I think this might be an occasion where self-discipline is the only solution. Now, if only I could remember where I left mine...

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Hey people.

I'm very sorry I've been away so long without explanation. I really am. I should at least have posted announcing an official hiatus before now. I know that some of you have been genuinely worried by my absence, and I feel very touched by your concern - it was irresponsible to leave you hanging so long. Thanks for caring, and for checking back here. It means a lot.

Here's a brief summary of what's happened in my life since June:

Tom (that's Mr. C, my dom and long-term partner), and I took some time apart after various difficulties made our relationship unsustainable. It was intended to be a temporary break while we both sorted out heads out and made some changes, and we hoped to renegotiate whether we could restart our relationship come November.

Although Tom and I had split up, I was very lucky to have the continued love and support of my other partner, D. I leaned on D a lot during this difficult time, and our D/s relationship strengthened a great deal. However, the CP kink has always been Tom's thing more than D's (D is very kinky, but his focus tends to be a lot more on headgames than pure CP), and while I was missing Tom so much, I backed off from the spanking scene pretty much entirely. I haven't done any modelling shoots since June, and I've barely kept touch with my friends on the scene, let alone updated my blog and website. What play D. and I did enjoy during this period, I wanted to keep private. After the collapse of my D/s relationship with Tom I wasn't emotionally ready to present a public face as a submissive or a spankee.

After taking the time we needed, Tom and I are now seeing each other again on a tentative basis, although we're not officially back together. My relationship with Tom has always been fiery; he was my first Dom when I was only 19, and since then we've split up and got back together more than once. We still have some problems to work out, but we feel very strongly that we do belong together, and we're dedicated to sorting through each difficulty as it comes. We each have a temper - the classic artistic temperament - but I have faith that our compatability and our love for each other will see us through ... even if we're still squabbling when we're old and wrinkly :) Our intention is to gradually develop a D/s relationship again, alongside my continued submission to my ever-loving D. This will, however, take time. I'm not sure how much of that journey I'll be able to write about here - I intend to ask both of them before making anything public.

I'm not ready to start modelling again yet - while Tom and I are still rediscovering each other I have a strong urge to keep my kink private. Plus I'm out of practice - D. has never particularly favoured the heavy CP play that Tom and I enjoy; his preference is more for psychological and humiliation games than extended punishment scenes. My bottom is more sensitive now than it was a few months ago, and I don't want these new experiences to be constrained by having to stay unmarked for shoots. Once things are more settled, I hope to start modelling again at some point in the new year.

While things are still so tentative, I can't promise that I'll start writing here again regularly. I recently moved house, I'm very busy with a new job, and I'm travelling quite a lot over the next couple of months. But I do miss posting here, and I will try to drop in occasionally when I have something to say. However, I'm not ready to commit to a regular posting schedule yet.

So, that was my summer. How was yours?

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I've managed to edit the Cane for Life video clip using some downloaded software called Avid Free DV (my budget unfortunately limiting me to free online options). It took a while to figure out - I've never done anything like this before. However, having started with a 78mb .avi file, I can't seem to save the edited version at anything less than 1gb, whatever file format I save as.

This is stupidly huge - cutting it into smaller clips won't make a difference; there must be something wrong with the save process which means it's not being compressed properly. The original .avi file is about 8 minutes long, and before I can put it online I need to trim less than a minute off the beginning and end (any other editing is windowdressing). Can anybody help?

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First off, I'm sorry to keep you all waiting for updates on the Cane for Life. Rest assured I haven't forgotten about it; it was originally scheduled to take place on the 9th, at the end of my shoot with Northern Spanking, to take advantage of their superior camera technology. Unfortunately we ran out of time that day, and since I was away at a festival last weekend, this coming Sunday is the next chance we'll have.

I'm a little nervous about this, as it'll mean receiving my strokes on top of the damage from the interrogation shoot we have planned with new site Control and Reform on Saturday. I'm not sure how severe the punishment in this shoot will be, but Mr C and I have come up with an intense psychological torture plot for the film, and I was hoping to have my limits pushed on the day. Perhaps I'm being over-ambitious, but it should be interesting. Thanks for your patience, anyway, and hopefully I won't keep you waiting much longer :)

While I'm on the subject of forthcoming shoots, take a look at this video clip:

This spanking machine is a new invention from the master of gadgets who runs Chimera Bondage. We were exchanging emails about my doing a self-bondage/CP shoot for the site, and when he found out that spanking machines were a major fantasy of mine, he went away and made this one for me.¹ How amazing is that?

I am so turned on by this prospect that I can't quite believe it. I keep re-watching the clip and imagining myself, bent over a trestle, cuffed at the ankles and wrists, mouth gagged and nipples clamped, on the receiving end of that paddle swing. And melting.

Of course, I'm also absolutely terrified. But therein lies the interest ... right?


[1] Well, for the site actually. I won't get to take it home with me after the shoot. More's the pity: my Lords have already started discussing the various merits of a spanking machine controllable remotely via an internet connection.

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Eep! I'm so sorry about the unannounced hiatus. I've not dropped off the face of the planet, I've just been even busier than usual ... specifically, busy doing lots and LOTS of real life social things which have kept me away from the computer. I could have managed to update if I'd felt less overwhelmed, though, and I'm sorry for neglecting you all.

One of the things I've been busy doing has been celebrating Mr C's birthday, and of course this involved me getting a rather tender bottom at various points. Recent highlights have included:

- being spanked, hairbrushed and caned in a private four-poster bed in the oldest inn in the country (pictures are hopefully forthcoming!)

- being re-introduced me to the joys of riding crops and the Big Black Stick™ (two of my favourite implements, but chances to play with them are rare, given the frequency with which I need to be unmarked for shoots these days)

- an absolutely delicious OTK rulering (with the medium ruler - we haven't played with the yardstick yet...)

- Mr C holding me down while I received my first five bar gate from Mr Chopper (from whom we were obtaining part of his birthday present)

- discovering exactly how hot his wooden paddle can be - when used slowly, and with moderate force. I was lying facedown on the bed, with him pinning both my wrists in the small of my back with one hand. He made me count after each stroke. I gasped my way through the first ten, and when I'd recovered my breath said faintly "...that was really nice". Of course, he responded by gripping my wrists again, giving me a couple of playful smacks, and informing me he was going to give me another ten. Which wasn't what I'd meant. I fought for a bit before remembering my place and submitting with a sob, and the second ten were even hotter than the first. Bloody hurt, though.

- being smacked over jeans with that same paddle by a couple of friends the next day, at least one of whom is vanilla, while I was playing Dromio of Ephesus in The Comedy of Errors. I particularly enjoyed the speech in Act IV, scene 1:

"I have served him from the hour of my
nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his
hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he
heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me
with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;
raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with
it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when
I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a
beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath
lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door."

And, speaking of using beatings to beg with, I've agreed to join 17 other well-known girls on the UK spanking scene in running 5km to raise money for cancer research, with Race for Life. I'm not very fit and I'm really bad at running, but with such a good cause and such good company, how could I refuse?



My fellow masochists are Josie Harrison-Marks, Lucy McLean, Adele Haze, Leia Ann Woods, Sascha Harvey, Jean Bradley, Amy Hunter, Abi Switch, Sam Johnson, Zena Stones, Jadie Reece, Honey Hardy, Isabella Aubourg, Kirstyn Gold, Sharon and Frankie. To find out more, check out the fundraising site Lucy has put together, Bums on the Run.

And if you want to support us all (of course you do!) please, PLEASE sponsor us. You can donate online using this page, and every penny will make a difference.

The website will be frequently updated with blogs, chat and pictures about training for the race and all things spanking, all of it available online absolutely free. If you want to show your appreciation and support our efforts, please donate! You'll be making a real difference. And when we drag our collective bums around that race, we want to know that all you lovely people in the spanking scene are behind us every step of the way.

Actually, if you can get to London, you're more than welcome to come and cheer us on in person on Sunday 3rd June. We'll all be wearing suitably spankable outfits, and you can join us for a drink at an informal party after the race.

And if you can't be in town on the day, it would be fantastic if you could help us raise awareness and support by promoting Bums on the Run - on your website, on your blog, in your newsletter, at your local munch or spanking party.

And, of course, donate!! You'll get good karma, and I promise not to jog so much that my bottom ceases to be wobblesome :)

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