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A celebratory caning (and tawsing)

Posted at 20:11 on 11 Sep 2008 by Pandora / Blake

Ta da!

The definition is definitely an improvement on the miniDV we used last time - I'm really happy with the quality of this :) It's a shame that the natural light has bleached the colours out a bit, meaning it's hard to make out the lovely crimson marks you can see in the photos (although they're visible whenever the camera zooms in). I'm not very good yet at predicting how light levels etc will come out on camera. But I'll improve with practice :)

I'm still quite bewildered by the extent of these marks. I never mark up this much normally, although I don't get punished without a warmup often, so I suppose that makes all the difference. Mr C has decided he likes punishing me without a warmup, and also that he likes the senior tawse which I'd never had used on me before the first stroke that you see in this video. So I doubt that this time was the last. I am not at all sure that I approve of this turn of events.

Sadistic as he is, I do want to say thankyou to Mr C for being such a lovely, steadying disciplinarian and for giving me much needed kisses and cuddles, as well as the thrashing I had coming. Thanks also to J, our fantastic cameraman, who also found a location, drove us all there, and edited the file for me - you are an absolute star :) And of course, thanks to all you lot for taking part and being such good sports, particularly Prefectdt who had the original idea :)

Happy blogiversary to me! I hope you enjoy the clip :)

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Tags: blogiversary, Photos, Thomas Cameron, Videos


It is done.

Posted at 17:02 on 10 Sep 2008 by Pandora / Blake

Today I confronted the truth of the cliché that the anticipation is worse than the event. Not that the event was a picnic, mind you. But getting ready for the punishment, thinking about it in the shower last night, knowing it was coming this morning when I woke up, driving there in the car, drinking tea while we waited for the cleaner to leave, setting up lights - all that was like teetering on the brink of a precipice, shaky with vertigo. When the caning started my hands were sweating so much that they slid about on the polished wooden windowseat. I struggled to keep my balance.

But once it started, it was like abseiling off the edge. Taking the leap. Suspended in midair, knowing that the ropes would hold me. Or Thomas, in this case, who had everything under control, including me.

While we were getting ready and setting up it was my project. I was in charge. And anticipating the pain from that vantagepoint was horrible. Once we started, I wasn't in charge any more. I could let go. And it hurt, of course it hurt. But I welcomed the pain. It was good to finally get it done.

I'm very, very tired now (immediately after the shoot I had a two hour life-modelling session involving bondage and some demanding poses, which has left all my muscles trembling) so forgive me if this doesn't make sense. I'll post the video as soon as I can.

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Tags: blogiversary, meta-analysis, Photos, shoot writeups


trust and submission

Posted at 20:56 on 25 Aug 2008 by Pandora / Blake

In most ways I had a lovely weekend, but between Friday and Sunday there was something nagging at me, a constant undertow of anxiety. Every so often the thought would surface in my conscious mind, and I would be briefly paralysed by a sick dread as I remembered that the tawse on the hands was currently scoring second in my poll.

This wasn't a pleasurable fear. This was a genuine horror. I knew, without doubt, that undergoing ten or more strokes of the tawse - even a small, light tawse - on the hands would be a truly awful experience. Not the kind of awful that is secretly lovely. The kind of awful that normally I go to any length to avoid. The real suffering of a genuine punishment, and an undeserved one at that. The prospect filled me with the kind of horror normally reserved for those facing dental surgery without anaesthetic.

We play games with consent and non-consent in this kink, with pleas and nos, with resistance and fear. Believe me, I am nervous as hell about the ten cold strokes with a senior cane that I am facing now, and the fifteen strokes with a stiff, heavy tawse that will follow them. But that nervousness is accompanied by a secret anticipation of the euphoria that will follow. It is a challenge which, I feel, I am up to, and I am already looking forward to the feeling of triumph when I prove myself worthy.

But fifteen on the hands? No. No, no, no. Not for play. Not for fun. Not when I haven't done anything wrong.

Why did I offer the option on the poll, then, if it was something that I so sincerely did not want? Well might you ask: the same question has been going round my own head since Friday.

The conclusion which I've been toying with all weekend, and which I am now more confident in declaring, is that it was about submission and it was about trust. In opening myself to requests from the floor, I was simply gathering data; but in then offering you the choice of those requests, without censorship from me, I was making a sincere gesture of submission to the collective will of my readers. Had I simply deleted the hand-tawsing option from the poll I would, in effect, have retained control over my punishment. Not complete control, certainly, as the number of strokes remained in your hands and the manner of their delivery in my Dom's, but I would have been givng the virtual equivalent of a safeword.

I don't safeword often. I have them, of course, and I have used them once or twice, but only once or twice over seven or eight years. I feel that safewording disrupts the tension and mood of a scene, and if at all possible I prefer to register my displeasure within the D/s dynamic. How much resistance I am allowed to express depends on the Dom and the scene, but usually I am allowed my voice, and my Dom will then choose whether or not to listen to it.

Although I wasn't aware of doing so at the time, I dealt with the poll in the same way. I expressed my reluctance for a certain option, but ultimately, I did not veto it. Instead, I submitted to your will and trusted that you would listen to my fears, and not choose an option that would be ultimately damaging.

My submission to my Doms is, at its best, so secure because of how much I trust them. I'm fallible and young and learning, all relationships are imperfect, and of course we don't achieve absolute trust all the time. But when we click, when we're in that gorgeous space of absolute unity of will, mine to theirs, it is because I know that their will is, ultimately, the best option. They may test me, they may challenge me, but they will not harm me. And I know how much joy I get from obedience. It's a more elaborate version of the oldest test of trust. I close my eyes, fall backwards, and in those moments of freefall I know the bliss of feeling truly weightless, safe in the knowledge that they will catch me before I land.

In including the first option on the poll, I was making the same leap of trust. I tried to communicate the consequences of choosing it, as I saw them, but at the same time I would rather include it in the poll than undermine the authority I had offered you by censoring it. Doing so, even though I didn't realise it at the time, showed my trust that you would choose the responsible option. It was a risk. I was submitting to a virtual collective mostly consisting of people I don't know, distanced from me by hundreds of miles, and mob morality is famously unreliable. So I was prepared for the worst: I had planned how it would go if you chose that option, who I would ask to deliver the strokes. It would be gruelling and horrible and emotional, and the resulting video would be edgy and powerful, and afterwards there would be a pleasure in having filmed something so raw. The extremes of my suffering would have been my gift to you, who had asked for it, and once I'd recovered I would have felt proud of myself for enduring it.

But you didn't choose that option. You knew that that experience, intense as it would have been, was not the best experience for this time. You knew that, given my newness to hand punishment, such a harsh introduction would not have been appropriate. You repaid my trust.

My happiness about the results of my blogiversary experiment is not only pleasure in being able to help my friends at Northern Spanking, or glee at the banter and camaraderie that surrounded the game. It was also a turning point in my relationship with you, the readers of this blog. I took a leap of faith and you caught me. I submitted to your will, and you answered my submission my making a responsible choice. This probably sounds over the top given that half of you are strangers, but within the strange confines of this virtual, collective, relationship, I do feel that something important has occurred. I took a risk that could be described as brave or foolhardy without really knowing why, and you proved yourselves, in this small instance, to be sympathetic and trustworthy human beings. There's a kind of intimacy in that, small but real nonetheless, and after experiencing it I feel more invested in this blog than every before.

Happy blogiversary to me :) In true hobbit style, this blog will give all of you a present in honour of its birthday. You've earned it. xx

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Tags: blogiversary, meta-analysis

1 comment

The results are in!

Posted at 00:36 on 25 Aug 2008 by Pandora / Blake

A brief and sleepy post (I should have been in bed a couple of hours ago) to note that the winner for the second implement in my blogiversary whipping is the senior tawse, at 33 out of 107 votes:

(Hand only shown for purposes of scale.)

The brute is 21" long, 2" wide, ¼" thick and stiff as a board. I hope you're happy :P

The provisional numbers (subject to Paul verifying usernames) are ten with the cane, and thirteen or fourteen with the tawse. The extra one is due to an NSI member who emailed me about their vote in the poll, but didn't let me know their username - I've asked them to confirm it, and if they get back to me before I send the list of names to Paul then that stroke will be counted. Two of the commenters didn't say whether they were new sign-ups or existing members of Northern Spanking, so I'm assuming the latter unless Paul tells me otherwise.

I'm not sure yet which order the punishment will be delivered in - like Ludwig, I'm a fan of the beautiful marks you get from cold canings, and to be honest the senior tawse isn't a warm-up implement either, so neither way would be an easy option. I think I'll leave that decision up to Mr C in the end - but if you want to weigh in, please feel free. :)

I'm tremendously proud of you all, and I'm so relieved not to be facing a hand punishment that right this second I'm - well, if not looking forward to the prospect, then at least feeling pretty good about it. I'm more nervous of the tawse than the cane, because the tawse is an unknown quantity. Ten with the cane will be tough, but I know I can do it. The rest ... well, we'll see.

Thanks for being such good sports, for taking part, leaving comments, spreading the word, putting up an awesome show of support for our favourite spanking site, and sparing me the ordeal of tawsed hands ... for now, at least. :)

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Tags: Blogging, blogiversary, cane, tawse


Eight strokes, and counting ...

Posted at 17:14 on 22 Aug 2008 by Pandora / Blake

Well, I've moved, and I'm back online after a few days without internet. It was actually quite nice to have a break, considering that I generally spend my life online. I've been settling into my new flat and am totally in love with it. It's the first time I've had a place of my own, and it's tiny and charming.

In general, this has been a move of joy - it's wonderful to have my own space (and much more convenient for shooting my own spanking material at home!) and it's all gone smoothly. In fact this move has blessed me with more things than a beautiful new home. While I was packing up all my possessions at my old house, I found several precious things which have been missing for months and which I thought were lost forever. Including ... can you guess?

Yep, the gods saw fit to return my Mason & Pearson to me :) My photographer friend will be pleased, and it just goes to show that the punishment had a positive effect after all! Why else would it have turned up again mere days after I was spanked for losing it?

So yes, everything's good in my world - and I was delighted (or scared; take your pick) to come back online and discover that you lot are exactly as sadistic as I thought you were! I was a bit anxious that going offline right when I was encouraging you to spend your hard-earned cash on a deserving cause (and great porn) would doom my blogiversary plan. I thought that without me reminding you every day, interest would wane. How wrong I was!

Thanks so much (I think ...) to everyone who's promoted this on their own blogs - Ludwig, Adele Haze, Niki Flynn, Prefectdt, the man behind the whole crazy idea, and even Paul and Lucy themselves. My inner exhibitionist loves the attention, my soppy side is glad that NSI are doing so well out of this, and at this rate my bottom will be sorry for days :)

Which brings us to the count so far. I haven't got Paul to confirm these numbers yet, but it looks like we're up to eight cane strokes and ten not-cane strokes, although there's apparently some dispute over the latter (yes, I'm looking at you, Ludwig and Indiana!). Which is perfectly respectable, particularly given Mr C's determination to make them count. Since he's made noises about delivering them with his Master's dragon cane, I'm torn: eight is already enough to make me nervous, but I wouldn't be playing by the rules if I didn't continue to encourage you to support NSI until the last possible moment.

One important question still needs to be answered. Which implement should I receive the first half of my punishment with? (And why do I have a sinking feeling that this isn't going to be a "warm up" at all ... ?)

The candidates, based on your suggestions are as follows:

The tawse on the hands was requested by James M, which I've never received and am incredibly nervous about, having received very little hand punishment before, and all of it with the cane. I'm really not sure ten strokes would be a fair starter, and beg you very, very sincerely not to choose this option. The tawse in question would probably be the vicious little pocket-sized one in this photo.

To make the alternatives more tempting, there's a choice of two bigger tawses which could be applied to my behind. (No, given my inexperience with hand punishment, I'm not offering you the option of either of these on my hands.) The medium one is one of my favourite implements; stingy and sensual. The senior one is a heavier, thicker, longer, brown leather two-tailed prefect's tawse from Academy Incorporated. It's very stiff with a rough finish, giving a general impression of horror and brutality. I don't know what it feels like because when it arrived I freaked out and hid it away, so I can't tell you exactly how nasty it is. But I know how savage it looks.

Smallhanded requested a cat o'nine tails. We have a few implements which could be said to fit that description. One is a leather martinet with square-cut thongs similar to this one, very sharp, very heavy. Historically, it's a French implement of domestic discipline, and it's one of Mr C's favourites so I expect it'll get his vote :) There's also a selection of floggers available, so I've picked out two.

I'm afraid that having offered it as an option, none of us, out of the three, own a strap - which is shocking, I know, and worthy of punishment in itself. The senior tawse is pretty close, I reckon, and the next best thing is a leather belt. (D. even has one without the buckle, which is handy.) So I've thrown that in as well.

not-cane strokes

Which implement should be used to deliver the first half of my blogiversary spanking?

Tawse (on the hands)
Medium two-tailed tawse
Senior two-tailed tawse
Leather flogger
Knotted leather flogger

There you have it - voting is open until midnight on Sunday. (Please don't pick the first option. Please, please, please. I'll cry and it'll be horrible. I'll take extra strokes if you don't pick the first option...) And don't forget, you can still add to the total numbers by joining NSI and posting your username here in a a comment.

Okay. I'm going to post this before I lose my nerve!

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Tags: Blogging, blogiversary, cane, hairbrush, hand tawsing, other pictures, poll, tawse

1 comment

Blogiversary - redux

Posted at 16:09 on 17 Aug 2008 by Pandora / Blake

I've been supremely busy lately, with the move and everything else, which is why it's taken me a while to finalise the plan for my blogiversary. It's been tough to choose between the various options you came up with, but in the end I've settled on an idea suggested by Prefectdt in email.

He proposed that I offer to take one stroke (of the cane probably, although I'm open to persuasion if you'd prefer something else) per signup to Northern Spanking, as a way of showing support for Paul and Lucy after the hassle they've had this year. The idea is that anyone who wants to contribute to my blogiversary spanking should sign up to the site, and leave a comment with their NSI username which can then be verified by Paul.

I absolutely adore this idea - it's lovely to have the chance to support such fantastic people, and my favourite thing about blogging is the community aspect, so incorporating that into my anniversary celebration seems very appropriate. I wanted to check that Lucy and Paul were okay with this before I went ahead with it, hence the delay - but they seem to like the idea, hooray!

So! The rules are:

- To contribute a stroke to my blogiversary caning, please join Northern Spanking and leave a comment on this entry with the username of your account. (Not the password!)
- If you're already a member of Northern Spanking and would like to get involved, please leave a comment on this entry with your username. Existing signups will still contribute a stroke, but probably with a different implement.
- If you'd like to vote on which implements are used for each set, please let me know your preference in the comments. I'm currently thinking the cane for comments from new signups, and the tawse or strap for comments from existing members, but I'm open to other suggestions.
- If you've already done the above and still have the urge to hurt me (and help Paul and Lucy) then repost the link to this entry and spread the word :)

If you decide to play, you'll get to spend hours browsing the massive archives at join Northern Spanking, happy in the knowledge that you've helped support two of the loveliest members of the scene, and me get the thrashing I need so badly. I mean, what more could you ask?

The final numbers will be counted at midnight, August 24th 2008, which gives you just over a week to make your mark. (As it were.) The punishment will be delivered and a free video clip of it uploaded to the blog in the following week.

Is this a good idea? Have I left it too late? I guess we'll find out...

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Tags: admin, blogiversary, cane, kink, Northern Spanking


blogiversary ideas

Posted at 17:50 on 1 Aug 2008 by Pandora / Blake

I forgot to renew my domain yesterday. To be fair, for some reason I didn't get an email warning me it was about to expire. So I don't think I deserve a spanking for the fact that pictures on my blog will be down for a day or so. I've renewed the domain now, but it always takes a little while for the DNS to start talking to the server again.

Edit: everything seems to be back up now. That was impressively fast! Thanks to gandi.net who handle all my domains, and whom I can highly recommend :)

Anyway, happy August! In twenty-four days it's my two year anniversary of starting this blog. I missed my first blogiversary, last year, as it fell right in the middle of my break from reading and posting. But I'm here for this one, and I intend to celebrate in style.

I'm having trouble deciding how, though. Obviously it should involve spanking, but ... what exactly? I thought about maybe getting a spank for every blog post that I've made by the 24th, but the number is already 228 (and will be even bigger by then) and I'm not entirely sure I'm happy signing up for that. Plus I'd like something a bit more interactive - like Prefectdt's excellent idea of a spank per comment on a designated post, as pioneered by Pixie. My blog is nowhere near as popular as hers, so I'd hopefully get off relatively lightly ...

What do you think? Any other bright ideas? I'd definitely like to involve my readers in whatever I do, as you are the reason I'm still here :) Whether or not you consider that to be a good thing, writing here has done huge amounts for my understanding of my kinky self, and each and every one of the supportive comments and emails I've received has brought me a little bit of happiness :) (Yes, I'm a comment-whore. Sp spank me!) But most importantly, I've had the honour to meet some truly awesome people, and to get involved in important issues, fascinating debates, funny conversations, and the ongoing mission to create truly hot porn. This is an amazing community, and I'm proud to be part of it.

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Tags: admin, blogiversary, kink, requesting assistance


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