This year has been one of great transformation. At times it's felt as if my whole life has been thrown into the air, and I've been waiting to see which bits would land. As if all the things tying into my sense of self have been laid out on the table, and are up for examination to see whether they still serve me and whether I want to keep them. It's been a time of great positive change, and a time of loss. Healthy loss - letting go of things I was attached to which weren't working any more - but still, it's added up to a lot of upheaval.

One of the things that's been going on for me this year that I haven't talked about here is my gender.

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"Are those 'ows' real 'ows'?" my top asks in concern, resting the tip of the cane on the bed.

"No. Well, yes, they're real as in it really hurts, but it's the difference between owwww!" (high pitched squeal) "and 'Gerroff, you fucker'." I twist around and look at him through my eyelashes. "Basically if I'm still being cute, I'm consenting."

"Aha." He smiles, and picks up the cane.

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