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Spanking - the ultimate mood changer

Posted at 13:12 on 5 Sep 2014 by Pandora / Blake

It was D's birthday this week. Birthday spankings aren't generally on the menu when it's his turn to be spoiled - they aren't exactly his core erotic theme. But we did both take the day off work so we could devote it to pleasures of the flesh. Good food, lots of kinky sex, and a certain amount of lounging around on the sofa... the perfect self-indulgent day.

I came to his place the night before with a bag of toys. No spanking implements, true - but we were still going to have a good time.

Birthday toys for the birthday boy

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Tags: being a sex kitty, D, domestic discipline, dominance and submission, featured photos, hand spanking, helpful tops, high heels are totally sex toys, kink, OTK Spanking, pet play, Photos

54 comments

Return to SM Circus

Posted at 21:02 on 12 Aug 2011 by Pandora / Blake

It's funny how quickly being a petgirl comes back to you.

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Tags: Body positivity, featured photos, pet play, Photos, shoot writeups, SM Circus, switching

18 comments

Out with the old, in with the new

Posted at 21:09 on 2 Jan 2010 by Pandora / Blake

Happy new year! I hope 2010 has been good to you all so far, and that the coming year brings you joy and satisfaction.

Graham has raised the question of kinky resolutions, and although I hadn't really thought about it, I realised I do in fact have some. Like Pixie, I don't like the false custom of new years resolutions, but I am a bit of a self-improvement nut and I put huge amounts of energy and determination into pursuing my dreams. So the new year isn't the only time I make resolutions, but it's a useful time to take stock and look back on what I've achieved.

2009 has been a massive year for me in some ways, and low-key in others. I've put most of my energy into work and creative projects - both kinky and vanilla. This has left less energy for socialising, meeting new people and lovers, and spending quality time with my partners. (I suspect I'll be chasing after that elusive perfect balance all my life.) I've managed to squeeze in more than I thought I could, but it's been a draining year as well as a successful one, and it would be nice to use 2010 to rejuvenate rather than drive myself further into exhaustion.

Still, it's been worth it. In the past year I have:

  • filmed with Pain4Fem in Slovakia, which included taking the most severe cold caning of my life



  • been a petgirl, and modelled at BoundCon - including doing a stage show, and playing with someone I'd only met that evening



  • experienced the bullwhip (not hard) and watched it used on someone else (extremely hard...)

  • played with some wonderful new people, including kinky sisters Graham and Caroline Grey (not at the same time, alas)



  • written and produced a film for Roué, which involved casting one of my all-time favourite spanking models in one of my all-time favourite fantasies (words cannot describe the buzz I got from this!)



  • started filming content for my own spanking site - a process which was slower than I'd have liked thanks to my heavy workload, but I'm pleased with my progress nonetheless.

  • modelled for explicit sexual content ('hard b/g') for the first time, also for my new site. This consisted of D and I doing what we normally do, while Tricia and her camera made herself invisible in the background. There was much giggling. It was extremely hot, and the pictures turned out way better than I expected.

  • edited video for the first time

  • met and made porn with Zille and Malc, people I have been wanting to meet since I first started reading Zille's blog

  • joined Zoe Montana as an "extra" in her private sessions, as her plaything being punished alongside her clients, although the gentlemen themselves weren't allowed to spank me. This was a thrilling and rewarding experience, not least because of Zoe's and my electric connection when we're working together. It's reinforced my impression that 1-2-1 sessions are not my thing, and there are probably very few tops/switches I would be comfortable doing this "cheat" with, but the experience was very worthwhile, and all the more precious because I knew it wouldn't last long.

  • invested my own hard-earned money on my new site, including buying cameras and related gadgets, hiring tech people and actors. Financial independence is a huge deal to me; being able to spend my own money on a new business even more so. It makes me feel thrilled and grownup and excited, and I wish I could afford to do it more often.

So what's in store for 2010? Well, although I'm a compulsive planner, in some ways 2010 is a big unknown. There's some stuff in the pipeline which, if it happens, will dramatically change my life, but which I don't want to talk about until it's confirmed. Some things I can be sure of, though:

  • One way or another, Tom and I intend to finally move in together this year. This is a source of great comfort and joy to me: living alone has been massively important and significant, but more and more I find myself thinking life would be so much easier if I could come home to him. Given how much I cram into my weeks, and his chronic illness, time and energy to play is hard to find, and both of us feel this would be much easier if we didn't have to plan and travel and schedule time together, we could just seize the moment when it arose. If and when this happens, I hope that domestic spankings will become a much more regular feature of our lives.

    Related to this is the fact that since our relationship has become less angsty and more settled, we haven't tried to rejuvenate the domestic discipline which was a feature of our first passionate fling. I'm older and prouder now, and less inclined to take instruction, but I still feel an urge to be submissive to my partners in more than just the bedroom, and I could certainly still benefit from a little instruction now and then. In particular, I think D/s has the potential to really help with my anxiety, and I could always use a little assistance with exercise and time management. (My problem these days is working too much rather than not enough, but balancing work and leisure continues to be an area I need to focus on.) I don't think either of us has grand ambitions of a sudden lifestyle upheaval, and I don't think I'll ever be a lifestyle slave, but we both accept there isn't space in our lives to develop this aspect of our relationship at present, and we would both cherish the chance to do so.

    Of course, with all these changes it is just as important to me not to compromise my relationship with D, and to remain as committed to him as ever. He's not as interested in this sort of formal domestic power exchange, but our connection is equally powerful. I love him deeply and he improves my life more than I can say. Whatever happens, I don't want to lose what we share.


  • My main professional ambition this year, of course, is to launch my new site. I don't know if this is achievable - everything is dependent on my vanilla work, which I depend on financially, and which (because I'm self-employed) is so unpredictable. If I don't have time (or funds) to invest in developing my site, such is life - there's nothing I can do about that except work hard, save as much as I can, and be patient. My effort and focus is not the issue so much as opportunity. I trust myself to do my best, and I understand that if it doesn't happen, it will not be for lack of trying. But I would dearly like to see all my work so far come to fruition this calendar year.


  • Despite working with many wonderful women over the years through shoots, I have never successfully developed a private D/s connection with a woman. My play with Zoe has all been professional - despite the intensity of our connection, it's never crossed over into the personal sphere. My girlfriends have, almost without exception, been submissive, and while I've dated some switches, I've never seriously played with a female lover. (The one exception is the beautiful and impressive Olivia Manners, but although I admire her a great deal, our first attempt to play somehow didn't really click, probably because my head was in a strange place at the time. I like the idea that we might try again at some point, but so far I don't think it quite counts as successful D/s.)

    All this is by way of build up to the fact that for the last few weeks, I have been enjoying an intense flirtation with a gorgeous toppish woman I have fancied for some time. We've done lots of flirting at group social events, stayed up late talking, stolen some tantalising end-of-the-night kisses, and we've even done all the sensible negotiation stuff by email (including my wibbling about how I've never subbed to a woman and ARGH what if my head is BROKEN blah blah, in response to which she said all the right things). In fact, so far we've done everything except actually play, but we have a date next Wednesday and I am ridiculously excited. She's as inexperienced with CP as I am at subbing to women, so we're going to be learning together, and our connection seems honest and playful and open, and all the omens so far are good. I will hopefully let you know how it goes - after checking that she doesn't mind me writing about it, of course. So hopefully I will be able to fulfil that ambition very soon in the year indeed, and spend the rest of the year basking in my success. We'll see!

So there you have it. How about you? Was 2009 a good year for you, kink-wise? And what do you have in mind for 2010?

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Tags: Amber Pixie Wells, Boundcon, bullwhip, cane, Caroline Grey, dominance and submission, Graham Grey, kink, learning curves, Pain4Fem, pet play, Photos, porn production, SM Circus, Subbing to women

7 comments

Ludwig behind the scenes

Posted at 19:05 on 9 Jun 2009 by Pandora / Blake

Thanks for all your good wishes. I'm still feeling under the weather, but have been back at work since yesterday - and have to do extra days to make up the time I took off sick, unless I want to lose three days' pay. The joys of freelancing! Throw in a missing portable hard drive containing a load of recent work, and a three-day tube strike this week (making my five days of commuting to random places in London even more hellish) and you can see that I'm not having the best of weeks. I'm exhausted, resentful and feeling thoroughly sorry for myself. So I'm sorry if it takes me a little longer to get back to regular blogging.

In the meantime, Ludwig has written the second half of his account of the shoot we did together in March for SM Circus. Two months late, but hey, I haven't managed to finish my writeup either, so it's lucky for me he's so dedicated.



He had so much to say he had to split it into two new posts, so I guess that makes it a post of three halves. The first is Back in the Arena, and the second is called Pets, Bullwhips and Russian Roulette. Enjoy!

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Tags: pet play, Photos, SM Circus

5 comments

checking in before I check out

Posted at 18:30 on 14 May 2009 by Pandora / Blake

It feels like everyone has taken a break from blogging lately. I've been hard pressed to keep up with posting myself: lots of different deadlines have converged this month, so not only have I been working flat-out at the office, but I've had hours of work to do every evening on other - more interesting, but no less demanding - projects.

Next week I'm filming my third film with Roué, which in some ways is also the first that counts: it begins an ongoing period drama, featuring Edwardian debutantes, political intrigue and intensive discipline. The previous two films I've shot with them were both prequels, in different ways, and they have been saved up so that all three can be released together. This new film is also the first I've ever produced for someone else, and man, if I ever said production wasn't hard work, you had every right to laugh yourselves hoarse. This one has been in the pipeline for over a year, and while I feel like I could have done much more, it's been a long and eventful road.

Still, it all seems to be coming together, and I'm excited: the plot is fun, the location is amazing, we have custom-made period costumes and I get to work not only with my wonderful Dom, but with the luscious Adele Haze. I find it hard to believe that I've never actually worked with Adele, and am very much looking forward to it.

As if that wasn't enough, tomorrow morning I'm flying out to see the lovely folks at SM Circus again, to help out with the live stage show at BoundCon. I've never done a live BDSM performance before - informal playing in public doesn't really count. Right now I feel like all I want to do is sleep, but I know I'll have a blast once I'm there. I've never been to an international fetish convention either, and I'm really looking forward to dressing up, indulging my exhibitionist streak, and hanging out with my German and Bavarian friends.

I never did write the second half of my post about the SM Circus shoot, about the Russian Roulette and the bullwhip. (I still intend to, although it might be a bit redundant after BoundCon.) In the meantime, here's a clip from the shoot which Director Sands uploaded to SpankingTube last week. It's called "Morning Post":

Pandora Blake is our newest petgirl in the SM Circus. Unfortunately she has not yet learned how to bring the Director his newspaper. That calls for a lesson - both with the newspaper and, naturally, once again the bull whip is used. As always masterfully wielded by the Gladiator from Hell. I hope you enjoy this small glimpse into our circus life.

(Translated by Google, so please forgive any errors!)

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Tags: Adele Haze, pet play, Roue, SM Circus, Thomas Cameron, Videos

13 comments

lunar spankings and naughty nursery rhymes

Posted at 19:12 on 3 Apr 2009 by Pandora / Blake

I dreamed last night about making a spanking movie on the moon. Amelia-Jane and Niki were there, and probably lots of other people, and it all had this retro, 2001: A Space Odyssey type feel, you know, surreal empty corridors and a poignant sense of nostalgia. Most of the dream was taken up by trying to get around the mechanics of spanking in reduced gravity. It wasn't easy.

It has been a bit of a Week. I've been planning to write my second post about the pet play shoot, and I've also wanted to write about the G20 protests, although if I do it won't be about kink. I've also wanted to celebrate Tom's birthday, which was on Wednesday, but we didn't have much evening left after I finished work at 9pm. I did get a spanking, throughout which I kicked and squealed and made a tremendous fuss, because there's nothing worse than a wooden hairbrush when you're tired and your back hurts. But he seemed to enjoy it, which is what counts.

I ended up having to do contracting-work today as well, and Fridays are normally my day for catching up on my own projects and email and things, if I'm not modelling. So I'm sorry if I haven't written back to you, it's not personal. I'm a little peeved that I'm not going to be able to make progress on my new movie site until late April because J and I are both ridiculously busy at the moment, but that's life I guess.

I have, however, just finished work for the weekend, and I'm hoping it'll be a good one. We have Tom's birthday to celebrate, since we didn't get much of a chance on Wednesday, so hopefully I'll get soundly beaten before the weekend is out.

On Saturday we'll be going to Club SubVersion in London. D and his other partner go semi-regularly, and so do quite a few of my friends, but it'll be a new experience for us. The theme this month is "Naughty Nursery Rhymes".

I've spent the last couple of weeks racking my brains for costume ideas. Mary Mary, quite contrary, perhaps? After all, the "silver bells and cockle shells" refer to instruments of torture. But I couldn't quite translate the idea to an actual outfit, let alone one for Tom as well.

I toyed with the idea of going as the Knave of Hearts, who was, of course, "beaten full sore" by the King of Hearts for stealing the tarts. But again, unless we turned up in crowns and playing cards, I wasn't entirely sure what we'd actually wear. And Tom isn't into me dressing as a boy as much as I am. (Boo.)

So, since I've been going around making cat noises and scent-marking my boyfriends' knees ever since I got back from Germany, I've decided we're going as a couple of characters local to my bit of London: Dick Turpin and Puss in Boots. (Well, if Puss in Boots was female.) Tom's got a tricorn, sash, pirate shirt and prop pistol, and we're going shopping tomorrow to get some kitty ears and lycra to go with my thigh-high leather boots. I didn't have time to order a properly fitted tail,¹ but I'll get to have fun with facepaint, so that's me happy.

How about you guys? Do you have any exciting spanking adventures planned for this weekend?

1. I JUST found this link, and OH MY GOD. So beautiful! And cheap! I think I'm going to have to treat myself regardless of what I end up wearing on Saturday. WANT.

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Tags: corrupting the innocent, kink, making a scene, pet play, those crazy kinksters

6 comments

defiant obedience

Posted at 12:32 on 1 Apr 2009 by Pandora / Blake

It took me a while to get into the pet headspace. Marlin had injured her knee, so was only going to take part in a minimal number of scenes; I wouldn't be able to follow her example the whole time. I'd never done petplay before, never even seen an SM Circus clip, and I felt completely thrown in at the deep end.

This would have been fine if we'd shot sequentially, but we started halfway through, with a solo scene in which I had to be an aggressive watchdog. It was just me and Director Sands, who doesn't speak much English, and I have no German at all; I had no clue what I was meant to be doing. I had to guess, warring with my own awkwardness, and trying not to feel humiliated when I got it wrong. I tried to stay calm, ask for clarification when I didn't understand, not beat myself up about it. But barking aggressively at a camera is enough to make anyone feel self-conscious, and I really don't have a dog kink. Without clear instructions or reassurance, I couldn't help feeling uncertain and out of my depth.

The next clip was more my style; Marlin and I were catgirls, playing with a computer mouse, and I could follow what she did until I was comfortable enough to start improvising. I found the cat play much easier than the dog play; I just imitated my own cat. So much fun! I ended up gnawing the 'tail' of the computer mouse as I pinned it between my paws. What can I say: my cat has a weakness for cables.

Next the petgirl was taught to do tricks. We started with juggling oranges. I can't juggle, which is of course the point. Herr Sands was impressive as the strict Director, and I felt very small and vulnerable kneeling beside him. I was allowed to start with one, then progressed to two, which was fine but every time I tried to add a third, I dropped it straight away. Each mistake was immediately punished with smacks either on the paws with a riding crop, or on the bottom with a heavy leather glove. The CP was measured in increments; so the first mistake is six strokes, the next twelve, then twenty-four, forty-eight, sixty.



The glove wasn't particularly harsh, but it was humiliating to have the practice interrupted for another walloping every time I dropped a ball, especially when when it's inevitable that you'll drop them dozens of times before you manage your first proper catch. Part of my brain was revelling in how deliciously unfair it was; but my in-character pet self was sullen and resentful. I wanted to learn to do the tricks, I wanted to do well. How could I learn if I kept being interrupted, and if I was never actually shown how to do it, just forced to make the same mistake over and over again? On top of all of this was the deep-seated feeling of gracelessness and self-consciousness I get whenever I try to learn a new physical skill. Part of me still feels like a gangly teenager avoiding sports at school. The tests were designed to be impossible, but even though I knew that I still let them get to me. I felt unfit, I was aware of my own inflexibility and back problems. It's a hot kind of shame, too deep and real to be safely toyed with.

I thought that perhaps the pony training would help. I love the aesthetics and psychology of pony play. I've never played it before, but I've read a lot of ponygirl porn, and it strongly appeals to my proud, well-behaved style of submission. I like the idea of being a noble, well-groomed, well-trained creature; of being shown off as a status symbol. My vanity and dignity had both been stripped away during the dog play and circus training, but putting on the beautiful plumed pony head-dress returned some of my usual confidence.

Three different animals in as many clips; my body language didn't know which way was up. First we had to set up the obstacle course, which involved lifting the wooden blocks between your teeth, carrying them on all fours and dropping them in place. Biting the wood made my teeth hurt, but carrying something in my mouth felt precious and pleasing. We had to balance the bamboo on the wooden stands, also with our mouths you can't see both ends of the bar from such close quarters, so it's tricky and you miss the first few times.

Before the pony training, Director Sands said to me that I should get angry during the scene, and rather than obeying the command to high-step over the bars ("Trab!"), stomp on one of the bars and break it. Then I would get a punishment with the bamboo rather than the leather glove. He suggested that I should do it earlier on in the scene, as sixty with the cane would perhaps be a little too many.



By the time I was in harness, plume in place, being told to Hoch mit den Hufen! and Zu mir! and Und zurck!, learning how to Trab in my rather wobbly 4 spike heels, and how to step over the bars without stumbling, I was completely immersed in the experience. The harness, the heels, the limited vocabulary, the repetitive exercise it all combined to put me so successfully into the headspace that I couldn't conceive of disobeying. I was given ever more difficult commands, and although I felt shaky and graceless, every nerve in my body thrilled at the challenge.

When I was blindfolded, when the commands were coming ever faster, when I was shouted at for not understanding German they had no reason to expect me to understand the injustice of it was exhilirating, and I found a sense of purpose starting to crystallise around it. I became, without thinking about it, determined not to let them trip me up. Sure, it was unfair, and so you might think that angrily refusing to do as I was told would be easy. But having a strop would have been giving in to provocation, rising to the bait. I was too proud for that. It was obvious that they were setting me up for a fall; that was the point of the exercise. Well, I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction. I'm a perfectionist, and a stubborn one at that: I had been set a physical challenge, and I was damn well going to obey every command to the letter, for as long as my body could stand it.

Of course, it was desperately unprofessional of me. I'd been given clear instructions by the producer, and I failed to follow them. By the time the camera ran out of tape the clip was 25 minutes long and I was flushed all over, sweat streaming off me, trickling between my thighs and into my boots. My quads and ankles were shaky from lifting my weight again and again on those ridiculous heels. Director Sands was bewildered had I forgotten what he'd asked me to do? It was difficult to communicate my state of mind through the language barrier. I felt guilty for failing as a model, an actress but defiantly, fiercely proud for completing the test. I didn't know when I should do it, it wasn't the right time, I said, trying to explain. Marlin nodded. She understood how I felt.

When we restocked the cameras and started filming again, my instructions were clear. I had to have a tantrum, and storm through the bars rather than high-stepping over them. We were already at sixty strokes for the next mistake, so they would be with the glove rather than the cane. (I think I may have got a small number with the cane as well, but my memory is a bit blurred.) When the time came, I gazed helplessly at Herr Sands. My mind went blank. For a long moment I wondered if I was going to refuse to do it. And then Pandora took over from the pet, and I shook myself and went through the motions of wilful disobedience. I was punished for it, the scene ended, and then I could get on with the inevitable angst about my unprofessionalism and trying to work out what had gone wrong. But even as the actress belatedly did as she was told, the pet mourned the loss of the pride and security that she had build through her own defiant obedience.

--

The rest of the shoot involved being given to the Circus by my despairing boyfriend Ludwig, trained to sit and beg and fetch, limbo, games with ropes and guns and balloons, and the dreaded bullwhip. But for that, you'll have to wait until my next post.

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Tags: Fantasies, learning curves, pet play, Photos, shoot writeups, SM Circus

23 comments

new and interesting ways to end up black and blue

Posted at 22:35 on 30 Mar 2009 by Pandora / Blake

Wow. That was quite a weekend.

It started in true comedic form, with me locking my keys into my flat moments after writing my previous entry. I'd packed, I was ready, I was early, and I stepped out with coat and scarf and rucksack and suitcase, and realised I'd left my keys on my desk. Which would have been fine except I needed them to get out of the main gate. D'OH. I ended up scaling the eight-foot wall, pushing the suitcase over ahead of me, and scraping my knees in the process. Classy. But I didn't miss my plane!

My knees were to suffer much, much more over the next two days. By the end of a day's shooting with SM Circus, they were so bruised and puffy I could barely put weight on them, and they were beginning to develop a glorious carpet rash. I've strained the tendons in my ankle from doing cruel and unusual exercise in 4" stiletto heels; I've taken the skin off one elbow while pouncing a computer mouse (the vicious things fight back, I tell you); and my leg muscles are shakier than ever after a rigorous half-hour workout, high-stepping over bars backwards and blindfold in high heels, without a break. (Don't feel too sorry for me, it was supposed to finish much sooner than that, but once I was in the zone it was hard to break out of it.)

I also came home with a stinking hangover and sore neck from thrashing around to Rammstein until 2am at the local student metal night, where they served free bier until midnight. So, yeah. If I ache all over today, I can't blame anyone but myself.

It was entirely worth it, though. In fact I had so much fun that I've agreed to accompany SM Circus to BoundCon in May to take part in their live stage show. I dread to think what state my knees will be in after two consecutive days of being a pet. I also can't wait :)

I should confess that a cute girl may have something to do with this somewhat reckless decision. This weekend I was working with Marlin, the girl in the bullwhip demo clip I posted last week, and we'll also be working together at BoundCon. She is SM Circus' well-trained, red-haired resident petgirl, and it was delightful to share a cage - and a weekend - with her. During the shoot we chatted incessantly, helped each other in and out of our harness, swapped boots, and threw cold rice pudding all over each other just so we could lick it off. One ill-advised evening of drunken headbanging and debauchery later, and we were fast friends. It'll be great to hang out with her again, and the prospect of her company is almost as much lure as the petplay. Mnich had better watch out. *grin*

So, I think I like petplay. The shoot was difficult and interesting and I'll do lots of navel-gazing on this blog once Herr Director has had the chance to send me some preview pics. In the meantime, here is a brief summary of the things I learned:

  • How to count to six in German;

  • I really, really REALLY like bullwhips;

  • I really, really REALLY don't like guns;

  • It's a cliché, but CP genuinely is the most effective rote-learning technique I've ever experienced;

  • Sheepdog commands are strangely comforting;

  • I have a proud, stubborn streak that gets its kicks through defiant obedience;

  • I have a weakness for red-haired sub girls with interesting scars. (On second thoughts, this is entirely old news.)

Last but not least, I finally got to meet Ludwig, who was my room-mate for the weekend, and I really enjoyed getting to know him a bit better. In person he is quiet, gentlemanly, thoughtful, sarcastic as hell, and really interesting company. He is another new friend I will be very glad to see again at BoundCon in six weeks.

Okay, that's enough whinging and gushing for tonight. More detailled analysis to follow. Right now, I'm dragging my sore knees and aching legs to bed.

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Tags: making a scene, pet play, shoot writeups, SM Circus

17 comments

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