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What I want

Posted at 15:00 on 5 Oct 2020 by Pandora / Blake

I want a femme daddy. A soft butch top. I want to be nurtured, protected, enveloped in softness.

I want to be spanked soundly, have my hair strokes, and be tucked up in bed.

I want someone I can lean on. Someone who'll say: stay there, I'm coming over. Who will wrap me in a blanket and cook me dinner, massage the knots out of my neck and shoulders.

Right now I'm spending all day in the caregiver role. I work, parent, keep house. I did the physical tasks my partner couldn't do while they were waiting for surgery to resolve their mobility issues, and now I do all the tasks they can't do while they're recovering.  Since lockdown started I've leaned into my strength and endurance, my role as a responsible, reliable, supportive partner and parent.

I'm tired of being load-bearing. I want to be taken care of. I want to be picked up and carried to bed. I want bear hugs and orgasms and cups of tea. I want someone who can hold me in my smallness and vulnerability. I want a big spoon who's into my Little mode, who likes me cute and excitable, who'll lustfully squeeze my bum and kiss me pressed up against the wall. I want a giver with love and energy to spare.

Do I sound ungrateful? My partner is all of these things, when they're well. But chronic pain saps a person. They don't have it to give right now. I try not to complain to them about how their health problems are affecting me. I try to support them and be gentle with them and reassure them it's okay and their needs are valid.

But it does affect me, and I have needs too.

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Tags: dating, dominance & submission, fantasy, pandemic, parenting, polyamory, real life, vulnerability

 

On leaving the USA, and loving without fear

Posted at 01:38 on 3 May 2014 by Pandora / Blake

This is the article I was sent by Zoe Montana (who I think got it from Molly Malone) last week, which pretty much sums up my entire trip:

Casual Love - Carsie Blanton

"Im thrilled that young people are beginning to feel they have the option of exploring sex, safely and consensually, outside of the boundaries of long-term commitment.

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Tags: feminist porn, Feminist Porn Awards, kink, learning curves, making a scene, Photos, polyamory

11 comments

Sex with friends, sex with strangers

Posted at 16:57 on 6 Nov 2013 by Pandora / Blake

I mostly prefer to have sex with friends.

My two long term partners, Tom and D, were both originally friends-of-friends through the goth scene, back in 2003-2005 when we were all a lot more goth than we are now. Before that I tried the dating thing a few times, rarely successfully. Since meeting them, I've never really bothered.

By dating I mean going out of an evening with someone you don't know very well, to find out if you fancy them enough to have another date. Lots of people I know use online dating sites like OKCupid to find new sexual partners, but personally I've always preferred to look within my existing circle of friends.

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Tags: D, Fetish clubbing, group sex, kink, making a scene, other pictures, polyamory

6 comments

Midweek hyperkinks #6

Posted at 00:29 on 8 Mar 2012 by Pandora / Blake

I haven't done a hyperkinks post in months - but don't worry, I'm not going to attempt a complete catch up. Just a brief glimpse at some of the interesting and sexy things that have populated the internet in the last couple of weeks.

Kink

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Tags: Chelsea Pfeiffer, Dallas Spanks Hard, Fantasies, Female gaze, Gender politics, Good Spanking, hyperkinks, Janna, Jimmy Holloway, Kami Robertson, Kink activism, Madison Young, Nimue Allen, Northern Spanking, Politics, polyamory, Rosie, Sarah Bright, Sarah Gregory, Spanked in Uniform, Spanking Sarah

21 comments

Audio Q&A: fantasies, crying and polyamory

Posted at 00:51 on 4 Jan 2012 by Pandora / Blake

Tonight I want to try something new: an audio post, inspired by the recent posts of Quai Disciplines (his first audio post answering reader questions, and more recently his "Friday Quai-day" post, which promises to become a series). I really liked the intimacy of this format and decided to take him up on the invitation to answer some of the questions myself, including ones I'd asked him. I decided to do so in audio so as to continue the feeling of a dialogue.

Pandora audio Q & A, Jan 2012 »

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Tags: audio stories, birch, D, Fantasies, Jacq, kink, polyamory, tears, Thomas Cameron

37 comments

Service

Posted at 22:50 on 7 Dec 2011 by Pandora / Blake

Like many submissives (and, I think, many women) I'm susceptible to anxiety and perfectionism. I tend to set myself unrealistically high standards, and then succumb to stress at the fear I'll fail to meet them. It's arrogant in a way - trying to be the best rather than aiming for a more moderate achievement. But there's the desire to please in there, as well as to excel. And if left unchecked it can amount to self-sabotage, as the pressure mounts up and negatively affects performance.

When I experience this in my working or creative life, D/S can be a remarkably efficient tool to help me break the cycle. But when D/S is the subject of my anxiety, the usual solution isn't so straightforward.

Tom was coming to visit early last week, and I knew that he and D had been plotting. Both of them had let slip, independently, that the plan was to give me the opportunity to earn my Domestic Service kinky merit badge. A roast dinner was mentioned, to be served in sexy lingerie and heels, and while the debauchery to follow wasn't explicitly mentioned, it was certainly implicit.

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Tags: D, dominance and submission, hand spanking, kink, kinky merit badges, learning curves, meta-analysis, polyamory, riding crop, rough sex, strap, Thomas Cameron

16 comments

Four's company

Posted at 22:29 on 21 Oct 2011 by Pandora / Blake

A little while ago I got a message from Jacq. She said: "Did I tell you the realisation I had recently? I don't think I'm actually enjoying the being hit itself more than I used to, I think the thing that does it for me is the marks. I'm not certain that's what it is, but there is a reason I'm enjoying it more and I'm always sad when the marks fade, so..."

My first, irrational, reaction was dismay. She didn't enjoy the spankings themselves? I'm a feedback junkie: my pleasure as a sadist is directly fuelled by the enjoyment of my bottom. If Jacq wasn't into spankings per se, the idea of spanking her lost a lot of its thrill.

Then I read what she'd actually said: not that she didn't like being spanked, just that she didn't like the spanking itself more than she used to. I knew already that spanking wasn't her primary kink in the same way it is mine, but that it was a kink and she loved the power exchange. A third re-reading and it sunk in that - hey! She was enjoying it more than she used to! That's kind of awesome. So, right, clearly the thing to do was ensure that we gave her marks to remember next time we played.

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Tags: big black stick, cane, D, featured photos, Jacq, kink, otk spanking, paddle, Penny D, Photos, polyamory, switching, Thomas Cameron

26 comments

Anatomy of a pinup

Posted at 15:26 on 8 Jun 2011 by Pandora / Blake

I love this recent interview with sex performer and educator Annie Sprinkle, in which Annie talks about sex work, polyamory, ecosexuality and taboos with refreshing frankness. I particularly enjoyed these snippets.

On bad sex:

When I was very promiscuous, I liked all kinds of sex. I could enjoy bad sex on a bizarre level. Bad sex can be interesting and fun. Ive said it before, theres junk sex, health sex, and gourmet sex. I have a range of tastes. If youve never have bad sex, then you probably have played it really safe, and havent tried hard enough to find the really great sex. Bad sex happens.

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Tags: Annie Sprinkle, Body positivity, Performers and producers, polyamory

11 comments

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