I see no contradiction between your feminism and your desire to engage in roleplay. Putting on a costume at Halloween doesn't make you a vampire anymore than watching MACBETH makes you a serial killer. You consent to surrender some autonomy as part of a roleplay, but you're still your own person outside the limits of that fantasy scenario. Unfortunately, particularly when it comes to sex, most people are unwilling to accept any norms other than their own. Good for you for being your own person, and thank you for your thoughtful post!